"When you find yourself in danger, when you're threatened by a stranger, when it looks like you will take a lickin..."
Yes, these are the opening lines of Super Chicken's theme song, and I could sing the whole thing for you...which is a sad, True Truth all on its own...but we may need to rewrite the lyric so particular words rhyme with "Bieber."
Yes, Canada's answer to Britney Spears has been credited for coming to the rescue of a Russian fisherman.
Yes, this is a journalistically-documented story, reported by ibtimes.com...according to Reader's Digest, at least.
Yes, it seems a Russian fisherman was having a bad day. Not only had he not made a significant catch, but he was in the process of being mauled by a bear. ("Oh great...what ELSE could go wrong?!?")
Yes, the bear was causing a fair amount of damage to the wannabe fish-catcher's self esteem, not to mention his torso and legs, when his cell phone rang.
Yes, the fisherman's phone...not the bear's.
The ringtone was Justine Bieber's song, Baby.
Yes, as might be expected, the unexpected noise caused the bear to pause its attack. He listened for a bit, then turned and ran off like he was being chased by a pack of rabid mothers-in-law.
In unrelated news, studies have shown that Russian bears exhibit a high degree of sophistication in musical taste.
Since when has this become acceptable?
Yes...use caution...and cheap ammo...or maybe some punctuation.
"Like shootin' fish inna barrel, Maynard. Yahoo yippity."
It's the artwork of Bitstrips, matched with the warposity of my mind, and the result may produce earworms to last for a month as Beloved and I sing out our love.
I have been such a reckless daredevil over the years. To hear some people talk nowadays, I never should have survived my childhood.
We rode in the back of Dad's pickup truck...sometimes even sitting on the side instead of hunkered down in the bed.
I spent hours riding my bike through the countryside in the summer...no helmet, no heatstroke-avoiding headgear of any kind, no environmentally-friendly water container at my side. [No cellphone to call for help. No warnings about Stranger Danger...]
My parents, particularly my father, spanked me when I was out of line...and sometimes even when I wasn't.
I jumped into piles of hay.
I dug tunnels in the snow.
I climbed trees without adult supervision.
I drank out of the garden hose.
I played, and encouraged others to play, Chubby Bunnies.
I enjoyed salsa from a bowl which had been double-dipped into.
I never used hand sanitizer.
* * * * * * *
Yeah...the ladies love us bad boys.
I've done something like this before...searched the World Wide Wackfest for my name and a verb and published the sometimes goofy results. There has been "Dewey is" and "Dewey should" and "Dewey has" and Dewey wants" and "Dewey needs". Dewey, Dewey, Dewey ad nauseam.
I got thinking about those posts today (WARNING! Thinking is a seldom-attempted activity that may result in global catastrophe.), and wondered, "What would result from a search for my whole name?"
Thus, the grand investigation into "Dewey Roth is" was born.
- Dewey Roth is a real property lessor located in Cairo, Nebraska. [As opposed to a fake one]
- Dewey Roth is a private company categorized under Farm Land Leasing and located in Cairo, NE. [So, this guy has company-ized our name...clever.]
- Report for Dewey Roth is now available. [...for the small fee of $29.99.]
- Dewey Roth is an active United States & Territories grain, feed, hay carrier operating under United States Department of Transportation (USDOT) Number....
- My friend/mentor Dewey Roth is one of the funniest people I know. [Okay, this one really is about me and appears in The Disney Freak's Blog.]
- Mrs. Dewey Roth is general chairman for the affair. [I certainly hope MY Mrs. Dewey Roth isn't involved in an affair.]
- Mrs. Dewey Roth is chairman of the carnation sale. [Wow. This gal gets around.]
- Based on our current records, Dewey Roth is living in a Single Family Home, and is Probably a Home Owner. Our data also shows [sic] that Dewey's approximate age is somewhere betweeen 76 and Up. ["Up" is now an age? Or is that a euphemism for "Death"? In either case, this ain't me, babe.]
- Dewey Roth is on Sysoon. Personal death notice and detailed information about the deceased person. [Apparently, I've missed my own funeral.]
- Dewey Roth is living in United States. [Oh, come on...make up your mind, Internet!]
- Dewey Roth is on Facebook. [Well...I will be as soon as I post this, because yeah...I pretty much live there.]
I have no idea where I stole this, who created it, or whether it will scar you for life...but it still makes me laugh.
Be warned...there will be blood.
13 reasons to stay in bed all day. Number 7 will make your ears fall off!
1) Facebook is still letting all those idiotic people who don't agree with your politics post idiotic and non-factual articles from that website run by disagreeable, non-factual idiots.
2) Your smartphone has more bacteria on it than your toilet seat.
3) A black cat just walked under a ladder.
4) Disney may be attempting a reboot of the Indiana Jones film franchise.
5) There's a snake in the sewer lines under your house.
6) Pretty sure that green, fuzzy thing in your fridge has started throbbing.
7) Justin Bieber is releasing a new song today.
8) Valentine chocolate won't go on clearance until Sunday.
9) Your cable just went out.
10) Kim Kardashian.
11) Fred Basset is still being published.
12) There's a bad moon on the rise.
13) Your identity got stolen, but they lost interest and gave it back.
