Friday, November 24, 2023

Blogger ROFLs Over Sunday Dinner

 

They say laughter helps a person's digestion, so I'm pretty sure the fish and chips I had last Sunday were digested most excellently.

Beloved and I went out for lunch with a group of friends from church. I should have known it was going to be unique because as we all started claiming seats around the long table, all the men sat on one end and all the women sat at the other. [My parallel thinking just kicked in: "Well of course all the men sat on one end. How many ends do you think a man has?"]


Other than that totally unexplainable seating arrangement, the meal was going fine. Conversations were flowing, with one comment leading to another at a comfortable rate.

I mentioned the chandelier in the restaurant's entryway that was made out of beer bottles, which led to telling my tablemates about my son-in-law's home brewing efforts and that he won first place in a couple categories at the state fair. That led to some comments about the highly-specialized variations available in the world of beerosity.

There was then a slight pause in the conversational flow and I filled it with the totally unnecessary, "I have never tasted beer." And that quickly led to the following conversation...

Steve: You've not missed much.

Me: I can't get past the awful smell.

Steve: Now see, I like the smell of beer, but not the taste.

Me: I'm like that with coffee.

Steve: I'm like that with gasoline.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

At which point, I needed to lift myself off the floor and put my end back in my seat.


Friday, November 17, 2023

Not the Love Song You Think It Is: The 415th Greatest Song of All Time

 

The first number-one hit The Four Tops ever had was a work of subterfuge and deceit.


Oh, they tried to make Can't Help Myself (Suger Pie Honey Bunch) come across as a love song by including phrases like "I love you and nobody else", but our researchers here at Almost the Truth have uncovered the sly, secret meanings behind several other phrases hidden within the lyric.


YOU SHALL KNOW THE TRUTH AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!


Friday, November 10, 2023

More To Boldly Pun Where No One Has Ever Groaned Before

 

Having found out how practically effortless it is to steal Star Trek puns from across the World Wide Wackfest (but especially Riker's Beard), here's another collection of tidbits that will energize and transport you to TickleTown.





















Friday, November 3, 2023

Grandson of Change One Letter and Create a Movie

 

It was so much fun doing the father of this "grandson of" (click here to catch up), the entire staff of Almost the Truth has demanded another sequel.

Bear Window  -  A convalescing grizzly witnesses a murder

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mine  -  A germaphobic coal miner never turns off the ultraviolet lamps

Binding Nemo  -  "Tie up that little fish!"

The Stink  -  Paul Newman and Robert Redford star as two conmen at a hog farm

Newman & Redford in "The Stink"

Taxi Drivel  -  Robert DeNiro talks nonsense to himself

The Beer Hunter  -  "When a man says no to champagne, he says no to life."

Sole Like It Hot  -  A European flatfish wears dresses

Jurassic Pork  -  The merry mixups that occur when trying to breed a Very Large Pig

Ricky  -  "Lucy? You got some boxing to do!"

The Hound of Music  -  ♫♪ "The hills are a SQUIRELL!" ♪♫

How to Drain Your Dragon  -  Medieval toilet training

Match Me If You Can  -  Leonardo DiCaprio is the first customer of Tom Hanks' dating service

12 Years a Shave  -  "Come on, Floyd! Can you speed it up a little?"

Tool Hand Luke  -  The highly-anticipated sequel to Edward Scissorhands