Commas Save Lives!

I'm pretty sure it didn't start with me.

In fact, I'm positive I am not the originator of this thought and its example.

I bet I could even find a meme based on it.

The thought:
Commas save lives.

The example:
The simple difference between an exuberant invitation to share a meal together and a call to cannibalism.

Notice the difference a single comma can make:

"Let's eat, Grandma!"  vs. "Let's eat Grandma!"

While setting off a noun-of-address with a comma (as in the above example) is a consistent rule of grammar, there's another use of commas that has become a bit of a controversy.

I speak of the Oxford comma; also known as the serial comma. It's that friendly little period-with-a-tail that appears before the word "and" when writing a list of three or more things.

Allow me to demonstrate.

There at the table sat my two ex-wives, Tom Hanks, and a large bulldog.

Clearly, there are three persons and a canine entity sitting at the table in question. But without the Oxford comma, the table only has one human and one dog, both of which I was once married to: "There at the table sat my two ex-wives, Tom Hanks and a large bulldog."

Yikes.

By the way...yes, I was able to find that meme I mentioned:

There's Something About This That's Just Not Right

Every so often, our editors here at Almost the Truth like to take a look at what significant events have taken place on any given date.

Okay, that's not true.

There ARE no editors here at Almost the Truth. It's just me.

It's also not true because I don't necessarily LIKE doing historical research. It's just that...every so often...I have to scramble to create some kind of content and I've found that history can usually provide something worthy of skewering.

FOR EXAMPLE...

OnThisDay.com says that on February 21, 1173, Pope Alexander III canonized Thomas Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury. I read that and get an image in my head of a very Barnum-like Pope Alex III at a three-ring circus, firing Tom Becket out of a cannon.

And I think...that's probably not right.

February 21, 1937: Initial flight of the first successful flying car, Waldo Waterman's Arrowbile. Where did THAT name come from? Sounds like a poison Robin Hood would use.

That's probably not right, either.

On February 21, 1923, Andre Charlot's musical "Rats" premiered in London:

Memories

All alone in the crawlspace

Shoving cheese into my face

I prefer peanut butter

Definitely not right.

On this date in 1969, Ted Williams signed a 5-year contract to manage Washington Senators...and some jokes just write themselves.

Paul Rick James McCartney

"I wanna make Paul McCartney white-boy money!"

So declared Rick James at about the same time the 477th greatest song of all time was released: "Super Freak".

And wow...the song-writing similarities are super freaky.

James: "She's a very kinky girl; the kind you don't take home to mother."
McCartney: "She came in through the bathroom window."

James: "She will never let your spirits down."
McCartney: "Baby's in black and I'm feelin' blue."

James: "She likes the boys in the band. She says that I'm her favorite."
McCartney: "Catch you with another man, that's the end, little girl."

James: "When I make my move to her room, it's the right time. She's never hard to please."
McCartney: "When I'm home, everything seems to be right...right, yeah!"

James: "She's a super freak, super freak, she's super-freaky."
McCartney: "A pretty nurse is selling poppies from a tray."

Jaw-droppingly amazing, right?

A Dollop of Disingenuous D Words

A diminutive dalliance with Almost the Dictionary: The Almost the Truth™ Dictionary of What Words Ought to Actually Mean: A Lexicon for Parallel Thinkers.

Dabble (n)  -  Da ting in da pasture whats got da pointy horns and da bad attitude

Dadgum (n)  -  [You don't seriously need me to type this out for you, do you?]

Daddies (clause)  -  What happens when a father's heart stops beating

Dagoba (clause)  -  How sheep verbally communicate

Deciduous (adj)  -  Being inclined to have another person make decisions for the group one is a member of

Doldrums (n)  -  Percussion instruments made out of pineapples

Duplicity  (n)  -  A large town made out of two-ply tissue

Dwarf (n)  -  A small pier

Dynamite (clause)  -  Tentative answer to the question, "Who's going to clean the kitchen?"

Dystrophy (clause)  -  What youse will win if you come in foist in dysrace