Literary Evolution: The 416th Greatest Song of All Time

 

Celebrated member of the Eagles, Don Henley, had a few hits of his own and The Boys of Summer was his second.

Tom Petty's collaborator wrote the music, but its style didn't fit the album that Petty was working on at the time, so it got offered to Henley, who wrote some words about a guy whose heart was broken and sha-boom sha-boom...hitsville.

However...

The title is not original with Henley. The Boys of Summer was a 1972 book by Roger Kahn about the Brooklyn Dodgers, who broke their fans' hearts when they moved to Los Angeles.

However...

That book got its title from Dylan Thomas' 1939 poem, I See the Boys of Summer, about...um...about...well, here's the first verse:

I see the boys of summer in their ruin

Lay the gold tithings barren,

Setting no store by harvest, freeze the soils;

There in their heat the winter floods

Of frozen loves they fetch their girls,

And drown the cargoed apples in their tides.

Yeah, I don't get it either, but apparently, the evolutionary concept of getting more precise and defined over a period of time applies to works of written art.

Musical Gas Pumps 2

 

Faithful readers may recall a post from two years ago spilling the beans about how I sing to people at the fuel pumps at the gas station/convenience store/cigarette emporium I sometimes work at, FastStop. (For a reminder, click here.)

Well, I've added to the jukebox selections since then.

("Carry On Wayward Son" - Kansas)

Carry on out at pump one

Come in to pay when you are done

I got one more thing to say:

Don'tcha drive away

("Hey Hey Good Lookin" - Hank Williams)

Hey heyyyyyyy, pump seven

Befooooore you go to heaven

How's about comin' inside to pay

When you're duuuuuun?

"Git-r-dun!"

("Camp Granada" - Allan Sherman)

Hello pump 4

You're getting fuel

Come inside to pay

That'd be so cool

Thanks for choosing

To stop at KwikTrip*

Hope you're smiling and my singing doesn't make you sick

*Had to use the store's real name here to preserve the rhyme

("Folsom Prison Blues" - Johnny Cash)

You're there at pump eleven

Puttin' fuel inside your car

Thanks for choosing FastStop

That proves how smart you arrrrrre

Please come inside to pay

Before you travel too far

Yeah, you're buying gas at FastStop

And you should be a star

("Heartache Tonight" - Eagles)

I see you out there at pump ten

Gettin' gas today

Here's a piece of advice for you:

Come inside to pay

Or there will be a heartache tonight

A heartache tonight, I know

("You Are the Woman" - Firefall)

You are the person getting fuel at pump six

At FastStop today

And when you're through I'm sure that you'll come inside to pay

(Extended album cut:)

To drive away and steal all that gas

Well, that's just not your style

Especially after I been singing to you

Tryin' to make you smile

Oh!

You are the person getting fuel at pump six

At FastStop today

And when you're through I'm sure that you'll come inside to pay

P.S. To watch/hear me reading/singing this edition of Almost the Truth, CLICK HERE.

If the Eagles Ever Made a Christmas Record...

 

...it would probably include songs like this:

BAKE IT CHEESY

Well I'm a-runnin' down the road, got a party to go to

Seven cheesecakes in my car

ITCHY WOMAN

Ooh, itchy woman, she's so scratchy everywhere

Ooh, itchy woman, she's got the woolen underwear

LYIN' DOWN

We can't help but be lyin' down

The meal's so big when you come around

PEACEFUL, EASY EGG NOG

And I got some peaceful, easy egg nog

And it feels so good goin' down

HOTEL AT THE NORTH POLE

Welcome to the hotel at the North Pole

Such a snowy place

With a tiny race

Yeah, there's plenty of elves at the hotel at the North Pole

At this time of year

You'll see Santa here

TAKE IT TO THE FAT MAN

You know I've always been a dreamer

(Hopin' for things to own)

And it's so hard to wait

(Can't seem to get a loan)

But the dreams I've seen lately

Need to be mapped out 'cause I'm so tapped out

I guess wishing is my fate

So drive me to the mall now

And put me in line

I'm gonna take it to the fat man one more time

#RuinAnEaglesSong

Creating a popular song is a little like catching lightning in a bottle. There are so many moving parts to a song (melody, words, instrumental arrangement, the mood of the zeitgeist at the moment...) and it can only take a little difference in one of those variables for a song to go from a big hit to a big flop.

Consider these first attempts at song titles by one of the best-selling groups of all time, The Eagles.

• Take It Queasy
• Itchy Woman
• Fryin' Eyes
• One of These Nighties
• Grape Nehi Sunrise

• Take It to the Dumpster
• Banana, Easy Peeling
• Best of My Oven
• Hotel New Jersey
• Headache Tonight
• Life in the Slow Rain

Desmond Tutu: Almost the 494th Greatest Song of All Time

"Desperado" was the first song that Don Henley and Glenn Frey collaborated on. Henley had started it five years earlier, but Frey took the rough beginning and gave it structure and, judging by these original lyrics recently unearthed, also contributed a degree of sanity.

Desmond Tutu, why don't you get colored lenses?

You been out wearing fezzes for so long now

Oh, you're a dark one

I know that you got genetics

But your robes, so pathetic

Can hurt you somehow

Don't you diss the queen of England, boy

She'll beat you, 'cause she's able

You know the Mississippi Queen is way more fun

Now it seems to me, you'll never steal

A role from old Clark Gable

In fact, I'm sure your acting gigs are done

Desmond Tutu, each day you're just getting older

Your good looks that smoldered, have been driven away

And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just a word with seven letters

Your prison is better than a Motel 6 stay

Don't your feet grow mold in the summertime?

The wind won't blow and the rain don't shine

It's hard to tell the night time from the day

You're losin' all your highs and lows

Ain't it funny when you blow your nose away?

Desmond Tutu, why don't you learn to speak German?

Come down from your Sherman, get out of your tank

It may be rainin', but you could do with a shower

You better use Dial's power (use Dial's power)
You better use Dial's power to get rid of your stank

No, But Really...What If The Eagles Loved Jesus?

Earlier this week, in my other blog (click HERE), I featured a song by Randy Stonehill that he purposefully wrote as an answer to the question "What if The Eagles were Christian?"

It got me to thinking...a dangerous proposition even on my best days...

• (My Sins Are) Already Gone
• Best of My Lord's Love
• Busy Being Forgiven
• (I Was a) Desperado
• Heart-Change Tonight
• Hotel God-Is-For-Ya
• I Can Tell You Why
• Life in the Fast Confessional
• New Kid in Town  -  A song about being filled with the Holy Spirit
• One of These Knights  -  A story song about the search for the Holy Grail

• Peaceful Easy Feeling  -  #TrueTruth: I've sung this many times with the verses of "Amazing Grace".
• Take It Easy  -  ♫ My yoke is easy and my burden is light ♪♫
• Easter Sonrise
• The Long, Straight, and Narrow Run

Almost Hotel California

Went to see former youth group member, Doug Toddless, sing at a local restaurant the other night. We talked to him before he started and found out he was suffering from a cold and a raspy throat. Amazingly, though, when he started singing, you couldn't tell at all...though Beloved and I did notice that he chose to sing a lot of lower-register songs like Elvis, Johnny Cash, and Barry White.

Between sets, I told him if anybody requested Hotel California ("Augh!" he coughed. "No way!") that I would be there to take care of the vocals for him.

Four songs into his second set, I got my chance. Problem is, I figured he would have the words to the song on the iPad he kept looking at and scrolling through. Turns out he was just keeping track of his March Madness bracket, and I was on my own to try to remember all the words.

This was my best effort...

On the dark info highway, You Tube makes me stare
Warm smell of my hard drive, data streams through the air
Up ahead on my monitor, I saw a glowing blue light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I hadn't eaten all night.
There it was on my browser; an ad for Taco Bell
And I was thinking to myself,
"I could do worse; guess I might as well"
So I searched for a coupon, 'cause I just roll that way
There were voices in my brand new earbuds
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to where Google can inform ya
You think it's a private place? (Such a private place)
Just search for your face
Plenty of info that Google can inform ya
What you did last year (What you did last year)
You can find it here

Your mind is def'nitely twisted, both the means and the ends
You're just one of the pretty, pretty boys following trends
How they rate in the rankings, how their tags get them clicks.
Some are dancin' with the stars, some are glued to Netflix
So I called out through Twitter,
"Check out my hashtag"
They said, "We haven't been trending that since your eyes began to sag"
And still solicitors calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

Welcome to where Google can inform ya
You think it's a private place? (Such a private place)
Just search for your face
They livin' it up here where Google can inform ya
They get their revenue (get their revenue)
From ads they show you

Mirrors for your ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And I said "We are all consumers here, hey, that sure looks nice"
Got a full shopping basket,
Got some food for a feast
Got me three sets of ginsu knives,
Got 50% off, at least

Last thing I remember, I was
Told that I was poor
I had to find a way to cure
My depressing credit score
"Relax, " said the hacker,
"I can fake all the facts.
You can purchase anything you like,
Hey, babe, I got your back! "

Awesome Road Songs - But NUMBER FOUR??!?

Some of the best songs ever written refer to life on the road...bringing to mind America's obsession with independence, travel, and putting the pedal to the metal. And sometimes, expressing a longing to NOT be driving down the road.

Exhibit One: Simon & Garfunkel's Homeward Bound (Written by Paul Simon)

And each town looks the same to me

The movies and the factories

And every stranger's face I see

Reminds me that I long to be

Homeward Bound - I wish I was

Homeward Bound

Home - Where my thought's escaping

Home - Where my music's playing

Home - Where my love lies waiting silently for me

Exhibit Two: Jackson Browne's Running on Empty 

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels

Looking back at the years gone by like so many summer fields

In 65, I was 17 and running up 101

I don't know where I'm running now, I'm just running on

Running on - Running on empty

Running on - Running blind

Running on - Running into the sun

But I'm running behind

Exhibit Three: Eagles' Take It Easy (Written by Dorothy Fields & Jimmy McHugh)

Well I'm a-runnin' down the road, tryin' to loosen my load

I've got seven women on my mind

Four that want to own me, two that want to stone me

One says she's a friend of mine

Take it easy, take it easy

Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy

And finally, Exhibit Four, from one of the most-celebrated songwriting duos of the past century, Lennon and McCartney.

Why don't we do it in the road?

Why don't we do it in the road?

Why don't we do it in the road?

Why don't we do it in the road?

No one will be watching us

Why don't we do it in the road?

Wait...what??!? 

AlmostBCs of Thankfulness

Angus Beef - Yummmm...
Black Friday - Thankful for being able to avoid this silliness (until my evening shift at JesusInc.).
CornNuts - The best salty-crunchy snack on your grocer's shelves
Don Rickles - Making sarcasm hilarious since 1953
Eagles - I can't tell you why, but when life in the fast lane takes away my peaceful, easy feeling and I need to take it easy...and that can happen on any one of these nights...I just look my witchy woman in her lyin' eyes, pop in an Eagles CD, and I feel like a new kid in town.
FredBassetMustDie - So very happy that SOMEbody recognizes that this "comic" strip is way past its expiration date. Just wish the newspaper would, too.
Gorillas - They remind me of my dad, FlatulenceKing.
Hot Dr Pepper - Thank you, Dick Clark, for turning me on to this soothing elixir of WeDon'tNeedNoCoffee.

https://youtu.be/qq9hNTUbtiE

Intellectual Conversa-BAAA-HA-HA-HAAAAA! Sorry. I couldn't even type it with a straight face.
Jukeboxes - Gotta keep those jukes contained, you know
Kansas City - Where everything's up to date.
Last Crusade, Indiana Jones and the - One of the five best movies of all time

Marshmallows - Roasting on an open fire; Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Noses - Glad our nostrils open earthward instead of skyward...can't imagine walking in the rain or taking a shower otherwise.
Orange Juice - Especially when enjoyed with a huge bowl of...
Popcorn - The best salty-crunchy snack on your grocer's shelves
Queen - The rock group that got me interested in science: "GALILEO! Galileo!"
Richard Dawkins - Proof that not all narrow-minded, bombastic jerks are Christians
Sex - I've been trying and trying to think of something else I'm thankful for that starts with S, but really...without this, none of us would be here.
Triscuits - The best salty-crunchy snack on your grocer's shelves
Undulate - The only word that does with Motion what words like splash and click do with Sound
Van Morrison - Brown Eyed Girl...need I say more?
Winks - That little sign assuring me the horrible thing you just said to me was just a joke
Xylophones - They remind me of lazy Sunday afternoons, making music at a friend's house...wait...that was a marimba...crud.
Y - Y knot?
Zebras - The best salty-crunchy snack . . .

Saying It With Music

Depending on how new you are to these parts, you may or may not be aware that my weekday morning status updates on FaceBook are trivia games with different themes, depending on the day of the week. Thursday mornings are Name That Tune Day, and for the past year, unknown to the world at large, rather than just posting random lyrical quotes, I've been carefully selecting what words from what songs to use...all so it would result, when read from start to finish, in the glory that follows.

Does anybody really care?  If so, I can’t imagine why¹ he got a 32 gun in his pocket for fun.²

I think I’m gonna be sad.³  Why am I soft in the middle? The rest of my life is so hard!⁴  I’ve been cheated; been mistreated.⁵  I’ve been drivin’ all night; my hand’s wet on the wheel.⁶  All this science, I don’t understand.⁷  Don’t know much about geography.⁸  I was lost and blind ‘til a friend of mine came and took me by the hand.⁹  But if I really say it, the radio won’t play it.¹⁰

All the leaves are brown¹¹ and they wither with the wind and they crumble in your hand.¹²..Don’t know why there’s no sun up in the sky.¹³  Long as I remember, the rain’s been comin’ down.¹⁴  Hangin’ around, nothing to do but frown,¹⁵ and just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed, nothing seems to fit.¹⁶  Just like Pagliacci did, I try to keep my sadness hid.¹⁷  

I hope I didn’t wake you, but there’s something that I’ve just got to say:¹⁸  “B-b-b-baby,¹⁹ rah-rah, ah-ah-ah! Rom-mah, rom-mum-mah!²⁰  Nah, nah-nah, nah-nah-nah, nah.²¹  Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean:²²  They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don’t have pre-wrapped bacon.²³ 

There’s my friend from Chicago.²⁴  He's talkin' with Davy, who's still in the Navy.²⁵  He had a woman he loved in Saigon.²⁶  He said, “You don’t need no strength, you need to grow up, son.²⁷  You better take care if I find you been creepin’ ‘round my back stairs.²⁸  ’Cause I’m a picker, I’m a grinner, I’m a lover, and I’m a sinner.²⁹  I get knocked down, but I get up again.³⁰  I’m New York City, born and raised, but nowadays I’m lost between two shores³¹ with no direction home; like a complete unknown.” ³²

I awoke last night to the sound of thunder.  “How far off?” I sat and wondered.³³  I’ve been thinking that I should stop disc jockeying and start that record store.³⁴  The time to hesitate is through.³⁵  I don't claim to be an "A" student, but I'm trying to be.³⁶  Want to move ahead, but the boss won’t seem to let me.³⁷  Maybe I’m a lonely man who’s in the middle of something that he doesn’t really understand.³⁸

Does anyone know where the love of God goes when the waves turn the minutes to hours?³⁹  His blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul.⁴⁰  I don’t care what they may say.  I don’t care what they may do.⁴¹  Satan is an evil charmer; he’s hungry for a soul to hurt.⁴²  And the three men I admire most – the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost⁴³ –maybe be just like the Beatles: melodic rockin’ heavyweights.⁴⁴ 

When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change.⁴⁵  Don’t go trying some new fashion.⁴⁶  You’re everything I hoped for.  You’re everything I need.⁴⁷  Come on, baby, don’t say maybe.⁴⁸  Take my hand.  Take my whole life, too.⁴⁹  Once I get you up there where the air is rarified, we’ll just glide starry-eyed.⁵⁰  Or would you rather be a mule?⁵¹ 

I guess what I be saying is there ain’t no better reason to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons.⁵² 

 

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

1) Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?   2) Bad, Bad Leroy Brown   3) Ticket to Ride   4) Call Me Al   5) When Will I Be Loved?   6) Radar Love   7) Rocket Man   8) Wonderful World   9) The Rock That Doesn’t Roll   10) I Dig Rock and Roll Music   11) California Dreamin’   12) Leaves that are Green   13) Stormy Weather   14) Who’ll Stop the Rain?   15) Rainy Days and Mondays   16) Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head   17) Tears of a Clown   18) I’ll Have to Say I Love You in a Song   19) You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet   20) Bad Romance   21) Hey Jude   22) Your Song   23) If I Had a Million Dollars   24) On the Tequila   25) Piano Man   26) Born in the U.S.A.   27) Authority Song   28) Sundown   29) The Joker   30) I Get Knocked Down   31) I Am, I Said   32) Like a Rolling Stone   33) Night Moves   34) WOLD   35) Light My Fire   36) Wonderful World   37) 9 to 5   38) Maybe I’m Amazed   39) The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald   40) Leader of the Band   41) Jesus Is Just Alright   42) Shut De Do   43) American Pie   44) Never Gonna Be As Big As Jesus   45) Just the Way You Are (Bruno Mars)   46) Just the Way You Are (Billy Joel)   47) You Are So Beautiful   48) Take It Easy   49) I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You   50) Come Fly With Me   51) Would You Like to Swing on a Star?  52) I’m Yours (Jason Mraz)

Hello, Earworm, my old friend

This quarter's round-up of insidious melodies...

NOVEMBER

1 – Little Girl (The Beatles) J, P, G, & R at their most homicidal: “I’d rather see you dead little girl than to catch you with another man…You better run for your life if you can, little girl. Hide your head in the sand, little girl. Catch you with another man? That’s the end-duh, little girl.”

4 – Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (Judy Garland) My, my, my…The Season certainly started early this year.

5 – Lay Down Sally (Eric Clapton)

16 – Bad Time to Be in Love (Grand Funk Railroad)

28 – Crocodile Rock (Sir Elton John)

DECEMBER

1 – Hey, Soul Sister (Train)

2 – Midnight Blue (Melissa Manchester) Behold, one of the few times I could actually identify how the morning’s earworm “was planted in my brain.” I heard this classic on the radio during my morning commute yesterday.

3 – It’s Not Easy Being Green (Jim Henson as Kermit) One of the most poignant performances, puppet or personal, of all time. (For the first-ever performance on Sesame Street, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIOiwg2iHio&feature=fvsr)

8 – You Make My Dreams Come True (Haulin’ Oats)

15 – Best of My Love (The Emotions) This is the 1977 disco-ish song, not the 1975 tune by the Eagles…which should give you a clue as to how irritated I’ve been since it popped into my head at 4:30 this morning!

16 – 1, 2, 3 (Len Barry) “It’s easy. (It’s so easy.) Like takin’ candy from a BAYbeeeeee…”

17 – Let’s Get It On (Marvin Gaye)

21 – I Want You to Want Me/All You Need is Love (Cheap Trick/Beatles) My marvelous morning mental mash-up

22 – Theme from “Three’s Company” (Yes, my subconscious is just that annoying.)

26 – Making Room (This is a worship song written by Dave Burkum and Jonathan Miller, two pastors at my church [www.valleycc.org] specifically for this Christmas season.

29 – What a Fool Believes/I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face (Doobie Brothers/from My Fair Lady) And if you don’t think this made my morning bowl of Cheerios^® a strange experience…

JANUARY

1 – I Can Help (Billy Swan) “If your child needs a daddy…”

5 – Have You Never Been Mellow? (Olivia Neutron Bomb)

11 – Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing (Stevie Wonder)

19 – (Last Night) I Didn’t Get to Sleep at All (The 5^th Dimension) While I wasn’t all that happy about having this swimming laps in my head all morning, I was glad to be able to say it wasn’t true.

21 – Every Woman in the World (Air Supply)

25 – In the Mood (Glenn Miller) And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

27 – Running on Empty (Jackson Browne) It’s not a good sign when this is the first thing in your head in the morning.

28 – All Night Long (Lionel Ritchie)

30 – Your Name (Phillips, Craig and Dean)

The hills are alive...

Since May, 2008, when I first wrote about the phenomenon of earworms...those wicked, heartless, snippets of music that go swimming through your brain uninvited...I've been keeping track of what song with which my brain is occupied upon a morning's return to consciousness. Translation: I've kept a list of the earworms I've woken up to over the last four months. If you can make any sense out of it, you're a better man than I am, Jim Lange.

5/16 - Father & Son (Cat Stevens)
5/19 - Driving Along (Nilsson)
5/20 - Up in the Morning (Lost Dogs)
5/21 - Candida (Tony Orlando & Dawn)
5/23 - We've Only Just Begun (Carpenters)
5/27 - Mandy (Barry Manilow)
5/30 - We're All in This Together (Disney's High School Musical)
6/2 - Never My Love (specifically, the 5th Dimension version, not the original, and highly superior, Association recording)
6/3 - You Can Have Anything (Giant Step Theatre's Aladdin's Lamp)
6/6 - Stiff and Bitter Wind (Eric Peltoniemi)
6/8 - Fill My Cup Lord (worship song)
6/10 - John Brown's Body Lies A-moulderin' in the Grave
6/11 - Up On the Roof (James Taylor's rendition)
6/13 - Fool's Wisdom (Malcolm & Alwyn)
6/14 - Anything Goes
6/15 - Since I Opened Up the Door (Love Song, one of the 1st "Jesus music" bands of the early 70's)
6/18 - I Feel Pretty (West Side Story)
6/19 - Na-Na-Na-Na, Hey-Hey, Goodbye
6/24 - A Whole New World (Disney's Aladdin)
6/26 - Oh Very Young (Cat Stevens)
7/24 - Fool's Wisdom (Malcolm & Alwyn)
7/27 - Get Me to the Church on Time (My Fair Lady)
8/1 - I Can Feel Your Presence (Casting Crowns...or Mercy Me...can anyone tell them apart?)
8/4 - Savior, He Can Move a Mountain (worship song)
8/5 - I Can't Tell You Why (Eagles)
8/8 - New Kid in Town (Eagles)
8/10 - Shiloh (Neil Diamond)
8/11 -Savior, He Can Move a Mountain (worship song...Two Mondays in a row...hmmmm)
8/12 - God Bless the Broken Road
8/15 - Gotta Get a Message to You (Bee Gees)
8/21 - He is Lord (worship song)
8/26 - Prairie Sun (Sons of the Pioneers)
9/3 - The Beauty of the Lord (worship song)
9/5 - Wonderful, Merciful Savior (worship song)
9/12 - How Can I Keep from Singing? (Chris Tomlin)
9/16 - Come, Thou Fount (worship song)
9/17 - Your Name (worship song)
9/19 - Fly Me to the Moon (Frank Sinatra)
9/20 - I Just Wanna Stop (Gino Vanelli)

The hills are alive...and it's quite annoying...