The Most Unexpected Cameo in Rock History (Hint: Barbed Wire Is Involved)

 

"Pride (In the Name of Love)," was U2's first Top 40 hit. It only reached 33 on the Billboard charts, but went all the way to Number 378 on Rolling Stone's list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time.

It's a fine stadium rock anthem with the numerously-repeated subtitle easily sung along with.

According to songfacts.com, the song was inspired by a visit to the 1983 Martin Luther King, Jr. exhibit at the Chicago Peace Museum and calls to mind singular men who lived their lives in a way they could be proud of...lives dedicated to love for all of humanity:

The words, "Early morning, April 4, shot rings out in the Memphis sky. Free at last, they took your life. They could not take your pride" allude to Martin Luther King, Jr. (even though he was actually shot around 6 PM. No matter, Bono has since apologized for the historical inaccuracy.)

When he sings "One man come in the name of love" and "One man betrayed with a kiss," we are meant to think of Jesus and how Judas identified him to the arresting officers.

And then there's "One man caught on a barbed wire fence," which obviously is a tribute to Captain Virgil "The Cooler King" Hilts; the character in The Great Escape played by Steve McQueen.

Well, maybe not.

What No One Tells You About Lazarus

 

In the Scriptural account of Lazarus, I am left with a burning question.

For the uninitiated, let me summarize:

Lazarus was the brother of Mary and Martha. The three of them were close friends of Jesus and apparently hosted him and his band of unschooled ruffians at the family homestead from time to time.

As the story goes (in John 11), Lazarus got sick. Mary and Martha sent word to Jesus, hoping he would rush to their side and heal their brother, as they had seen him heal so many others.

Unexpectedly, Jesus didn't jump up, put on his sandals, and hightail it to Bethany. Instead, he waited until Lazarus died, THEN headed out.

He arrived four days after the funeral. They had already wrapped Lazarus up and put him in a tomb. In fact, when Jesus walked to the gravesite and asked for the stone sealing the entrance to be rolled away, Martha warned him that it wasn't going to smell very good. (I love the King James Version at this point: "Lord, by this time, he stinketh.")

But they did as Jesus asked and Jesus brought Lazarus back to life!

It's a great story, and is pivotal in the narrative arc of Jesus being despised and eventually killed through the efforts of the religious leaders in Jerusalem.

But what never gets talked about...by John or any other Biblical writer...is the fact that Lazarus didn't stay resurrected forever. There is no reason to doubt that sometime after all these events, either because of old age, or persecution by the Romans, or getting sick, Lazarus died...again.

Which leads me to my burning question:

Is Lazarus the only person to be re-hearsed?

The Colbert Questionnaire

 

There's a recurring bit on Stephen Colbert's version of The Late Show called "The Colbert Questionnaire." The host laments how the normal talk show interview is fairly shallow and seldom leads to a deep understanding of the celebrity being interviewed. He then says the show has scientifically compiled a list of questions that will cut through all the glitter and fakery of show-business-as-usual and, when answered with candor, will result in the person being "known."

At this point of my life, I've become fairly certain that my dream of celebrity status and having talk shows want me as a guest will never come to pass. But why should that deprive the world of hearing my responses and knowing my deepest heart of hearts? *

What is the best sandwich?
Wendy's Baconator, followed closely by Jimmy John's Italian Night Club

What is one thing you own that you should really throw out?
A star-spangled motorcycle leather jacket

What is the scariest animal?
Possum, or as the suave and debonair say, opossum. They are nothing more than huge rats whose go-to response upon seeing you is to bare their razor-sharp teeth and hiss.

Apples or oranges?
Apples, but only if they are covered with butter, sugar, and cinnamon and baked to within a millimeter of being applesauce.

Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
Yes. During the summer I worked as a janitor at Foellinger Amphitheatre in Fort Wayne, Indiana, Mitzi Gaynor sang and danced on our stage and I got her autograph for the benefit of my then-fiance, the woman now known as Beloved.

What do you think happens when we die?
In 2 Corinthians 5:8, the Apostle Paul said that when we are absent from the body we are present with the Lord, but I'm not sure about the timing of all that. Am I "in heaven" the moment I die, or is there some kind of transitional housing where we all wait around until the end of time? 

Favorite action movie?
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: "My soul is prepared, Doctor Jones. How is yours?"

Window or aisle?
Aisle (for bathroom access). Also, Beloved prefers the window, so there's that.

Favorite smell?
Baby lotion

Least favorite smell?
Vomit

Earliest memory?
Walking up behind my dad as he was watching The Wizard of Oz. (For the full story, go to "In My Beginning."

Cats or dogs?
The unconditional love of dogs toward mankind is unearned and unequaled among earthly creatures. (See Wendy Francisco's "God and Dog")

You only get one song to listen to for the rest of your life. What is it?
Art Garfunkel, James Taylor, and Paul Simon singing "What a Wonderful World"

What is the most-used app on your phone?
I don't have any hard data on this, but I'm pretty sure it must be Facebook. Either that or Royal Match. (How sad is that?)

Describe the rest of your life in five words
Jesus, Family, Love, Laughter, Music

_______
* Full disclosure: There have been a few versions of this 15-question list over the years. I have distilled this list in such a way as to avoid my two least-favorite questions:
       1) What was your first concert? (I don't like this question because I have no idea how to answer it, other than to say it was probably a gospel quartet on a Sunday night at my childhood church.)
       2) What number am I thinking of? (How does that reveal anything about me? Besides, no matter what the celebrity's answer is, Colbert always says, "No.")

Boycotting the 417th Greatest Song of All Time

 

I have never heard the song that Rolling Stone named the 417th Greatest Song of All Time. I do not plan to ever hear it. I have not and will not do research on the lyric. I don't need to know anything more about it than what the magazine itself wrote:

With one song, N.W.A brought the battle between rappers and cops to a new level. On August 1st, 1989, the FBI sent a bulletin to the group's label denouncing this song. According to the bulletin, **** tha Police "encourages violence against, and disrespect for, the law enforcement officer." The publicity established N.W.A. as hip-hop's bad boys.

Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. I am all in favor of freedom of speech and artistic expression and blah, blah, blah. But just because I believe they have a right to say it doesn't mean I'm obligated to hear it or celebrate it.

Enjoy this picture of a puppy instead.

This Is All There Is, There Ain't No More

 

Updated update: Now the truth can be told.

With so little left in the world to laugh about, I have found it increasingly difficult to come up with worthy additions to this blog's long and storied history.

It all started on December 24, 2007. When the first post was posted here, it was mostly an attempt to establish a Web presence for the title of my then-soon-to-be-self-published book, ALMOST THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUTH MINISTRY: Salesmen, Secretaries, and Smart Alecks.

There was enough of an initial response to encourage me to keep going. Little did those fools know that I would pull an Energizer Bunny on them and just... keep... going!

Over 14 years later, though, and it's time to say so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu.

This outlet has never "gone viral," gotten popular, or gained much traction at all. The click-bait-titled "Pictures Inappropriate for History Books!" has proven to be the most popular post ever posted, but it didn't result in very many new subscribers.

Let's just say that I'm grateful for the handful of faithful readers, but I've come to the realization that I'm expending far too much energy for far too little return. Almost the Truth Publishing's purpose statement, "If laughter is the best medicine, ALMOST THE TRUTH™ exists to heal the world," is all well and good, but I'm just too tired to keep trying.

So get out there and create your own happiness and humor. Laughter is where you find it and, similar to beauty, in the slightly-twisted mind of the beholder.

2020: The Year Nobody Could Have Made Up

 

The actual true truth of the matter is that the majority of Almost the Truth posts in 2020 were written in the first few months of the year...before any of us knew what a bizarre dumpster fire of a year it was going to be:

• Before any of us knew we'd be picking out curtains to match our favorite mask pattern
• Before Australia became one big party because it was REALLY lit (too soon?)
• Before otherwise-sane people decided to store toilet paper in safety deposit boxes
• Before the Leader of the Free World was impeached (Volume One)
• Before we had an inkling that a trip downtown should include ingredients for s'mores

• Before the term "murder hornets" went from sounding like something from an apocalyptic comic book to being the lesser of way more than two evils
• Before fine, upright people started getting their medical advice from a former "reality show" star rather than an actual...you know...medical professional
• Before the West Coast spontaneously combusted
• Before Alex Trebeck stopped asking for questions
• Before the lack of evidence wasn't a good enough reason to stop claiming massive voter fraud

See how quickly that went from poking fun to just a gape-mouthed recitation of "can you believe this really happened" moments?

Turns out it was a really good thing I had a stockpile of grin-worthy words. If I had depended on current events to feed the humor mill...yikes.

 

flesruoY tcepseR

 

The 462nd-greatest song of all time, according to Rolling Stone, is "Respect Yourself," recorded by The Staple Singers in 1971.

At first glance, you'd think this would be a positive, uplifting, encouraging message of truth, brotherhood, and the American way...but at SECOND glance...uhhhh.

The title implies the song is going to encourage the listener to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, and don't mess with Mister Inbetween, but just look at some of the lyrics:

If you don't give a heck 'bout the man with the Bible in his hand

Just get out the way and let the gentleman do his thing

You the kind of gentleman that want everything your way

Take the sheet off your face, boy, it's a brand new day

If you're walking 'round thinkin' that the world owes you something 'cause you're here

You goin' out the world backwards like you did when you first come here

Oh, you cuss around women and you don't even know their names

And you dumb enough to think that'll make you a big ol man

Respect yourself, respect yourself...

Translation: Respect yourself, you atheistic, narcissistic, foul-mouthed, breech-born, ignorant racist.

Peace and love, man. Peace and love.

We're Bouncing to Graceland

I have learned SO MUCH by studying the lyrics of the 485th greatest song of all time, "Graceland", by Paul Simon.

The Mississippi Delta was shining

Like a National guitar

I originally thought we were talking about the southern end of the mighty Mississippi, way down yonder in New Orleans, but the World Wide Wackfest informs me the Mississippi Delta is the northwest section of the state of Mississippi, between the rivers Mississippi and Yazoo, just south of Memphis on US 61.

I am following the river down the highway

Through the cradle of the civil war

I originally thought we were talking about Charleston, South Carolina, where Fort Sumter was fired upon and the Civil War began. I even have corroboration from the BBC that Charleston is the "cradle of the Civil War." But now? Well, now I still think that, which makes it seem Mr. Simon is playing fast and loose with geography.

My traveling companion is nine years old

He is the child of my first marriage

Harper Simon was born September 7, 1972, so the timing of the roadtrip being referenced would be late 1981 or the first half of 1982...six years after Paul's divorce from Harper's mother, a year or so before his marriage to Carrie Fisher, and five years before the song was recorded.

But I've reason to believe

We both will be received

In Graceland

Pretty sure there's no minimum age requirement to visit Elvis' home.

There is a girl in New York City

Who calls herself the human trampoline

I originally thought we were talking about something akin to the lines in Simon's earlier song, "The Boxer," about finding some comfort with some particular females on 7th Avenue, New York City.

And sometimes when I'm falling, flying

Or tumbling in turmoil I say

Woah, so this is what she means

Nope...I'm pretty sure that's not what she means.

She means we're bouncing into Graceland

REALLY sure that's not what she means.

And I see losing love

Is like a window in your heart

Everybody sees you're blown apart

Everybody feels the wind blow

I originally thought this song was about a field trip to Elvis' home, but now I see it's about the breakup of Simon's first marriage and how he knows it's affecting his current relationships.

In Graceland, Graceland

I'm going to Graceland

For reasons I cannot explain

There's some part of me wants to see

Graceland

And I may be obliged to defend

Every love, every ending

Or maybe there's no obligations now

Maybe I've a reason to believe

We all will be received

In Graceland

I originally thought this series of posts about Rolling Stone's list of The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time was going to be nothing but a barrel of laughs, and then Paul Simon comes along and sings of forgiveness and moving on from loss...and I've a reason to believe there may actually be a bit of redeeming social value to what I write after all.

For the 600th Time...

Who could ever have predicted it would have come to this?

"Not I," said the little pig.

"Not I," said the brown dog.

"Not I," said the blogger, wondering if anyone else remembers Captain Kangaroo reading The Little Red Hen.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

It's actually, factually true...this is the 600th piece of nonsense posted under the title Almost the Truth.

Having begun on Christmas Eve of 2007, that means I've averaged 1.008403361344538 posts per week for almost 11.5 years. (And yes, I'm pretty sure that 99.44% of you did not bother to actually read that statistic. I know I wouldn't have.)

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Just in case you're wondering, as of this week, the most-read post in all that time has been "Pictures Inappropriate for History Books." (I think we all know what that implies about the casual World Wide Wackfest surfer.)

The subject I've written about the most is Pop Culture, with 221 posts bearing that tag. But holy shamoley, that's a pretty wide-reaching, generic "subject", am I right? Of far more personal importance to me are the 13 posts declaring that Fred Basset must die. Seriously...why the farnsworth hasn't that hashtag taken over the world?

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Many thanks to the few, the proud, the masochists who have come along on this journey. I hope you've been given some moments of mirth along the way. That really is what it's all for. If laughter is the best medicine, Almost the Truth is dedicated to healing the world...one grin at a time.

Thanks for Liking, Following, and Sharing the joy.

And Then He Assaulted Me

In July of 1963, the #MeToo movement wasn't even a shadow of a consideration of a possibility of a thought.

Not that sexual harassment and assault wasn't happening in 1963. It was happening, but according to the 493rd greatest song of all time, "Then He Kissed Me," it was "a consummation devoutly to be wished."

I know, I know...that Shakespearean quote is 1) out of context, and 2) too literal to be used in this age of political correctness and sensitivity.

But check it out. This whole song is the story of a girl being absolutely giddy about being approached by a good-looking stranger and then overcome by the romance of the dancing and the stars.

Observe verse one:

Well, he walked up to me and he asked me if I wanted to dance

He looked kinda nice and so I said I might take a chance

When we danced he held me tight

And when he walked me home that night

All the stars were shining bright

And then he kissed me

Verse two is an example of the dangers of combining Stockholm Syndrome, a lack of creativity ("didn't know just what to do"), and verbal catchphrases:

Each time I saw him I couldn't wait to see him again.

I wanted to let him know that he was more than a friend.

I didn't know just what to do

So I whispered I love you

And he said that he loved me too

And then he kissed me

According to the song's bridge, this fella had skills, though:

He kissed me in a way

that I've never been kissed before

He kissed me in a way

that I wanna be kissed forevermore

Then the third verse ends the tale with an example of the sad, sad truth that men will pretend love in order to get sex, and women will give sex in order to get love:

I knew that he was mine so I gave him all the love that I had

And one day he took me home to meet his mom and his dad

Then he asked me to be his bride

And always be right by his side

I felt so happy I almost cried

And then he kissed me

But hey, it's got a good beat and it's easy to dance to. [Holds fingers in ears and chants "La la la! I can't hear you!"]

Name a Song That...Vol. IV

The 4th and final installment. A peek into my subconscious. Remember to drop bread crumbs so you can find your way back.

A song by a band you wish were still together

https://youtu.be/D7wyZe96NAs

A song by an artist no longer living

https://youtu.be/gj0Rz-uP4Mk

A song that breaks your heart

https://youtu.be/8gBGGX3yvMo

A song by an artist with a voice that you love (Beloved!)

https://youtu.be/UaIq8RN7j6o

A song that reminds you of yourself

https://youtu.be/b5rpAqfd35Q

Name a Song That...Vol. III

Still working my way down a list of prompts and remembering my disc jockey days with fondness.

A song that played at your wedding

https://youtu.be/7bWtAP6yb2I

A song you would sing a duet with on karaoke

https://youtu.be/tbU3zdAgiX8

A song from the year you were born

https://youtu.be/BDRWOL-_P84

A song that makes you think about life

https://youtu.be/ZOWZGm61HpM

A favorite song with a person's name in the title (Note: Changed this to "Debbie" and sang it to Beloved in our wedding)

https://youtu.be/2KBDTJ6WYQc

Almost Luving Teknowledgee

The following cartoons are not created by me, but let's not call it stealing. Think of it more as right-priced entertainment allocation. I'm merely utilizing available technology to fill the current void in my personal creativity supply. Technology really is a wonderful thing, except...

...when it encourages us to shirk responsibilities.

...when it destroys our attention span.

...when we have better relationships with social media than with actual...you know...human beings.

...when our phones are smarter than we are.

...when we become overly dependent on GPS.

Tweet-O-Rama

What follows are tweets that have come before. To be able to see these in real time, not this lame, after-the-fact way, follow me on Twitter (@deweyroth).

• “UberFacts: Joggers live an average of six years longer than people who don't jog.” Actually, it just FEELS that way...boredom, you know.
• “UberFacts: Over the last 50 yrs, researchers say pop music has become louder, dumber&most songs sound the same." Research was need 4this?
• Like PopeFrancis, I used to be a bouncer. But MY bouncing was down the side of a mountain when I tried to ski.
• [From when I live-tweeted Guardians of the Galaxy] Yeah, the galaxy-destroying stone is in the furthest pod, so SHOOT IT?!!? #GotG
• “UberFacts: Trimethylaminuria is a disorder that makes U smell like day old fish. It has no known cure or treatment.” #MyHSsociologyTeacher
• “UberFacts: If you get gum stuck in your hair, soak it in Coke for 5 minutes and it will come off easily.” I don't WANT my hair 2 come off!
• “UberFacts: Chimpanzees understand and can start fashion trends.” This explains a lot.

• “UberFacts: The closest living relative to a hippo is a whale.” Or the hippo's parent, maybe, eh? #genetics
• “UberFacts: Rubbing a banana peel on a mosquito bite can help stop the itching.” but may attract gorilla bites.
• “UberFacts: It would take a person walking nonstop approximately 347 days to walk around the world.” The oceans really slow a guy down
• “UberFacts: It takes about 20 arctic foxes to make just one coat.” #nothumbs
• “UberFacts: A live flu virus can last up to 17 days on a dollar bill.” #livingcheaply
• “Factsionary: A thirsty plant will cry for help by making a high-pitched sound too high for humans to hear.” #WastedEffort
• “UberFacts: Lady Gaga has been playing piano by ear since the age of 4.” That's gotta hurt!
• “UberFacts: Jim Carrey was first choice 2B Capt Jack Sparrow in "Pirates of the Caribbean" but he turned it down.” #PraiseJesus
• “UberFacts: Soy products can decrease sperm concentration in men.” Leading to easily-distracted sperm.
• “Factsionary: Women prefer taller men more than shorter men.” In fact, shorter men don't prefer taller men at ALL.
• # IfIWasInCharge an election's winner would have 3 days to take down all political road signs, or the runner-up would be declared the winner
• “UberFacts: You cannot deep fry food in space.” That's it! Cancel my flight plans!
• “UberFacts: Rubbing a cucumber slice on your bathroom mirror will keep it from fogging up” AND from being useful for seeing yourself #smear
• “UberFacts: "Come Together" was the last song all four of The Beatles made together.” And that, friends, is called #irony
• “UberFacts: The most profitable area of a store is the checkout line.” Cause it's the only place the store actually, U know, gets $$$
• “Factsionary: “I have a bad feeling about this” has been said in every Star Wars movie.” & in the lines waiting to see them
• “UberFacts: Chicken nuggets are only 50% chicken.” ...and 50% nugget.
• “UberFacts: A lit candle causes more than 15,000 house fires every year.” That's a lot of work for one candle!
• “UberFacts: U are 3 times more likely to die at work than you are at war.” I'm infinitely more likely 2 BE @ work than @ war. #SoThere
• “EricIdle:...PythOnline, a site I ran for two years in 1996.” 2 years in 1996? Am I the only one confused?
• “UberFacts: People who eat nuts 7 or more times a week have a 20% lower death rate.” #PrettySure every1's death rate is 100%

Here I sit, a hopeless twit

With nothing to repeat

This so-lame thought, not sold or bought

Ain't even worth this tweet.

The ABCs of Almost the Truth

With inspiration from fellow blogger and former co-worker, Allissa Danielson, I hereby offer a primer on the way things are around this here piece of fluff called Almost the Truth.

AngelFace and ActorBoy - Our oldest child, and our only son, respectively. One is a perfectionist; one spent all of high school pulling the wool over our eyes. I'll let you figure out which is which.

Beloved and BuckEye - My wife, and our second daughter. Beloved and I have had our fair share of good times and decidedly not good times. A shared faith and a huge dose of stubbornness have kept us together. BuckEye is the only one of our four children who was born in Ohio...get it?

Church - More than an act of obedience or a socially-acceptable habit, church attendance is a great source of material for a humor blog. 

Diet - Meat and potatoes; Pizza and pasta; CornNuts and Dr Pepper; When thinking of diet as a strict adherence to a particular menu for the purpose of losing weight, don't think of me.

Earworms - Those annoying little snippets of songs that keep replaying in your head. I used to publish a quarterly recap of earworms that appeared out of nowhere when I was waking up...then realized that the eclectic list of unexplainable melodic infestations was probably only interesting to me.

Farnsworth - Mild expletive, as in, "What the farnsworth is up with that?!?"

Giant Step Theatre - I've been working with this children's theater that "exists to provide performance opportunities for youth and entertainment for families' for almost 15 years. I have been dressed in drag, painted blue, dragged across stage by 4th-graders, and had my head shaved. I've seen the necessity of having my grand choreograhic visions reduced to "Lean left, lean right." I've also been utterly amazed at how the little hambones can always seem to pull things together for opening night.

Hashtag - I've tried to get #FredBassetMustDie to become a Thing, but no one else seems to be as appalled by the utter lack of humor and/or redeeming social value in the waste-of-ink called Fred Basset. I'd rather newspapers just print reruns of Calvin and Hobbes. Farnsworth, I'd prefer a daily printing of nutritional facts from breakfast cereals to that stupi-er-unfunny cartoon canine!

Indiana Jones - The lead character in one of the three best movie trilogies of all time (Back to the Future and the original Star Wars being the other two) and one of the most-disappointing fourth episodes of a movie series ever. But the idea of having a full-length Muppet parody has merit.

Juan - As in, "Juan was such a nice guy," which is the catch phrase in one of the Stupid Stories™ I tell before Giant Step Theatre performances.

King Kong - The only movie in my DVD collection that starts with K, thereby helping me complete this alphabetical extravaganza. (And yes, we are talking about the 2005 Peter Jackson version, featuring Andy Serkis as the motion-captured behemoth AND a sailor named Lumpy who gets his head swallowed by a giant worm...nice.)

Let It Go - As of this writing, this song from Disney's Frozen is the subject of Almost the Truth's most-read post.

MisterSquishy - My youngest grandchild. There is also the oldest, SkittleKid, and the only granddaughter (so far), SweetCheeks.

News - Well...almost. A semi-regular feature here is to take real headlines and follow them up with twisted interpretations of said headlines.

Observed Absurdities™ - From time to time, an observant reader or co-worker or stranger will send along a picture or advertisement or thingamajig that strikes them as odd. If it strikes me that way as well, then you all get the pleasure of seeing it.

Pop Culture - Whether it's reacting to my Twitter feed, getting perplexed by the latest celebrity faux pas, or becoming a digital cartoonist, popular culture is always ripe for a bit-o-skewering. 

Queen Ebola Hemlock - The character I portray in Giant Step Theatre's Snow White and the 7 or 8 Dwarfs. A perfect name for a perfect, egocentric villain. Find her on FaceBook.

Reality - What a concept! (Apologies to R. Williams)

Skyline Chili - The original Cincinnati style chili, served over spaghetti and covered with grated cheese. One man's poison is another man's Olympus-worthy nectar.  Either you love it or you have dumpster detritus for taste buds.

Twitter - You can follow me (@deweyroth), or risk missing out on the 140-character events-of-the-moment.

UberFacts - One of the factoid feeds I follow on Twitter...the one that frustrates me to no end with their typos and incessant use of the word "actually," which makes them sound like junior high school girls from California.

Voiceovers - The tiniest, most-secret corner of the Almost the Truth universe. Consists mostly of non-profit work and my imagination.

World Wide Wackfest - Otherwise known as the Internet, the Web, or the Everlasting Online Information Highway.

Xamine

Your

Zipper


Made ya look.

From the Mouths of Babes

The following is based on a true story.

It was Christmas. Our hearts were light and our bellies were full. We were sitting at the table and SkittleKid (Grandson No. 1) was being prompted to look around the table and recite everyone's names:

"Who is that?"

"ActorBoy."

"That's right, and who is this?"

"TheWind."

"Good! And her?"

"KayJay."

KayJay was in the midst of nursing Granddaughter No. 1, SweetCheeks, and so the next question was, "And who is KayJay holding?"

SkittleKid tilted his head toward the floor and grinned, but remained silent.

"SkittleKid, who is KayJay holding?"

A stifled chuckle.

"What's the baby's name, SkittleKid?"

Lifting his face, and with a big smile, he proclaimed to the gathered masses, "Jesus!"

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

'Twas a merry Christmas, indeed.

U R Not the Boss of Me!

A little bird told me that humans aren't as influential as they would like to think.

And the really surprising thing to me is that the sign isn't streaked with white "paint" to boot.

Mismanage a Thrown Fur (More Fun with Anagrams)

Thanks to my favorite Internet anagram engine, I have found some hidden meanings in terms near and dear to my heart.

• Blog Writer = Bit Growler
• Skyline Chili = Ice Hilly Skin (apparently, medical instructions for any allergic reaction)
• Doctor Pepper = Drop Pot, Creep
• Almost the Truth = Halt Hotter Smut
• Earworm = Arrow Me
• Giant Step Theatre = Sight Pet Anteater (which is almost an aardvark; which is an inside joke for GST alums)
• Lord of the Rings = Short Log Finder
• Former Youth Pastor = Perform a Rusty Hoot
• Jesus Follower = Flee Sour Jowls; Jewels for Soul
• Debbie's Husband = Hide Snubbed Abs

Almost Good Friday

Jesus had spent the week in Jerusalem trying his best to rile the Powers That Be.

Sunday, he was the main attraction in an impromptu parade, for which he had no permit. It resulted in several instances of littering and disturbing the peace. Monday, he disrupted commerce in the temple, putting himself on the wrong side of the merchants. Tuesday and Wednesday, he got in the faces of the religious leaders, practically daring them to stop him ("Man, a guy can't even get arrested in this town!"). As it turned out, it was up to one of his own, Judas Iscariot, to actually infuse some gumption into the Uppity Mucks (UMs) so they would finally arrest Jesus late Thursday night.

And what a joke that after-hours trial was. If the UMs really wanted to put an end to Jesus ("So like John before him, this Jesus must die" - Jesus Christ Superstar), they should have prepped the witnesses better, so they wouldn't have had to hear things like...

• "This guy healed people...on the Sabbath...only a naughty-naughty would break the Sabbath rules by, you know, working...um...miracles...and...stuff."
• "I heard him say he was going to tear down the temple. You could get him for...uh...attempt to conspire to commit unauthorized demolition."
• "No, no, no...he said that the temple could be torn down but that he could build it back up in just three days. Charge him with flagrant stupidity and delusions of grandeur."

It finally came down to Jesus needing to give them what they were looking for: a capital offense. He acknowledged that he was the very son of God, which, to the UMs, had to be blasphemy of the highest order, unless they were supposed to believe that this guy who healed the sick and raised the dead and opened blind eyes and restored leprous limbs and taught timeless wisdom and answered the most difficult questions put to him was actually, you know, God-on-Earth.

Yeah, like THAT was going to happen...