Stuph That Has No Reason Being in My Head, Vol. XI

  

I've always known that Donny Osmond and Michael Jackson were about the same age, but it boggles me that Prince (born June 7, 1958) was actually over two months older than MJ.

You know when someone sneezes and you say "Bless you"? THAT sounds like a sneeze, too.

Even though they were originally voiced by two separate people, since the late 1990s, Winnie the Pooh and Tigger have been voiced by the one and only Jim Cummings.

Snap, Crackle, and Pop were the first breakfast cereal mascots.

If you replace W with T in the words what, where, and when, you get the answer to each of them.

Julie Andrews was not cast to recreate her Broadway role of Eliza Doolittle in the film version of My Fair Lady, making her free to star in Mary Poppins instead . . . for which she won an Oscar.

The canine television sensation, Lassie, was always played by a male dog.

Speaking of dogs, we all know what a female dog is called, but I had to ask the WorldWideWackfest what the term for a male dog is. I learned that dogs used to be called hounds and that dog was the term for a male hound until it started being used for the whole species.  So now there is no specific term for "a male dog."

Whenever I write or type the word "Wednesday," I say three syllables to myself: wed - nes - day.

♫♪ The Mate was a mighty sailing man

The Skipper, brave and sure

Five passengers set sail that day

On a three-hour tour

A three

Hour

Tour ♪♫

Hack to the Future: Great Scott!

 

Admittedly, it doesn't take much to send my mind swirling down a rabbit hole of pop culture references and parallel universes. It should come as no surprise, then, to learn that's exactly what happened when I stumbled upon this AI-created mash-up of Taxi and Back to the Future:

Biff Reiger: Why don't you make like a tree and go to Central Park?

*  *  *

Bobby McFly: Calvin? Wh... Why do you keep calling me Calvin?

Lorraine Nardo: Well, that is your name, isn't it? Calvin Klein? It's written all over your hack license.

*  *  *

Latka McFly: I'm your density...ibbi da.

*  *  *

Bobby McFly: Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Doc. Ah... Are you telling me that you built a time machine... out of a taxi?

Dr. Rev. Jim Brown: The way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with an opportunity for extra income?

Stuph That Has No Reason Being in My Head, Vol. X

 

The television series Castle, though firmly set in New York City, was filmed in Los Angeles.

The Archies (a cartoon musical group created for a television show) had a huge hit with the song "Sugar Sugar," which was originally offered to The Monkees (a human musical group created for a television show).

From my GPS while driving in Las Vegas: "At the light, turn right on Mel Torme Way and then turn left onto Sammy Davis Junior Avenue."

Somehow, the word horrified ought to have something to do with prostitutes.

The hashtag symbol (#) is called an octothorpe.

The King of Hearts is the only king in the deck without a mustache.

A single strand of spaghetti is called a spaghetto.

Crows hold funerals and gather together to mourn the passing of dead crows. Kind of ironic, considering that a group of crows is called a murder.

Reindeer eyes turn blue in winter for better low-light vision.

♫♪ Gimme dat ding

Gimme dat, gimme gimme dat

Gimme dat ding

Gimme dat, gimme gimme dat

Gimme dat ding

Gimme dat, gimme gimme dat

Gimme gimme gimme dat ding ♪♫

Stuph That Has No Reason Being in My Head, Vol. IX

 

Clarence Odbody, the angel who saves George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life, appears on screen for only 15 minutes.

It irritates me when people on medical shows say things like “You have to save my child! Please save my child!” As if the medical staff wasn’t going to do anything until the parent told them to.

The voice of Betty Rubble, Bea Benaderet, was also Kate Bradley, the owner of The Shady Rest, on Petticoat Junction.

Two spoons of Swiss Miss plus one spoon of Tang makes for a tasty, orangey mug of hot chocolate.

Ice is not slippery. The tiny bit of water (i.e., melted ice) between your boot and the ice is what's slippery.

The Twilight Zone's Rod Serling was only 5'4" tall...if tall is the right word to use in this instance.

I'd be terminal, too, if I had an arrow through my head.

The founder of Hormel Foods, maker of Spam® and other fine delicacies, was George A. Hormel, who pronounced his name HORmel, not HorMEL.

It's not the lavender flower that smells so good; it's the leaf.

Mary Tyler Moore was only 24 when she started playing Laura Petrie, wife of the 35‑year‑old Dick Van Dyke, on The Dick Van Dyke Show.

♫♪ Hey Pink Panther
We love Pink Panther Flakes
They’re pink and sweet and they’re new
We love your 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 different vitamins
Just as much as we love you
From Post!

Talkin' Smack to Jack: The 377th Greatest Song of All Time

 

I can't express how happy I am that we have come to this point in Rolling Stone magazine's list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time, and here's why:

• It's Ray Charles, man!
• The female lines were sung by one of Ray's backup singers, who was told to hit the road a couple of years after this song went to No. 1. (Irony is king.)
• It gives me the opportunity to introduce you to Mr. Charles doing this parody version for a KFC commercial.

https://youtu.be/ctqPgE-sPhA?si=lFPHay-pdhtnIJgT

That right there is finger-lickin' good.

Stuph That Has No Reason Being in My Head, Vol. VIII

 

Somebody, somewhere, needs to splice together every instance of Laura Petrie saying "Oh, Rob" into one big, beautiful supercut.

Only about a third of Gilligan’s Island episodes are about trying to get off the island.

Billy Joel wrote "We Didn't Start the Fire" as a response to a friend of Sean Lennon having said that Joel's life had been easy because he grew up in the 50s and everybody knows that nothing happened in the 50s.

The actor who was Alfalfa in the original Little Rascals/Spanky and Our Gang comedies, Carl Switzer, turned the key that opened the gym floor in It's a Wonderful Life and was the Haynes sisters' brother, "freckle-faced Haynes, the dog-faced boy," in White Christmas.

Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun

Ray Charles shilling for Diet Pepsi:

https://youtu.be/J8RPtMBsM5M?si=wMGhSjZ6EWjVpUGM

I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does: My high school and college-aged co-workers at FastStop do not know who John Wayne is.

The square root of 6,561 is 81.

During the year that Tom Hanks was losing weight to film the 2nd half of Cast Away, Robert Zemeckis and the whole crew filmed the jeepy-creepy What Lies Beneath.

The term "gaslighting" (a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes another person doubt their own reality, memories, or sanity) sprang from the 1944 film, Gaslight, though that film was based on a 1938 play of the same name.

Stuph That Has No Reason Being in My Head, Vol. VII

 

The orange powder left on your hands after eating Cheetos is called "cheetle".

The two main male characters of The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon and Leonard, were named in honor of the actor who played Nick the Bartender in It's a Wonderful Life.

According to a producer I know, Miley Cyrus can't carry a tune...at all.

The stories that say Karen Carpenter was on a popcorn-only diet are unsubstantiated rumors.

James Taylor's first single, "Carolina in My Mind," was released on The Beatles' Apple Records.

♫♪ Dewey Dewey Bo-Bewey, Banana Fanna Fo-Fooey, Fee Fi Mo-Mooey...Dewey! ♪♫

Before he was Gilligan, Bob Denver co-starred as a beatnik on The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis.

On Sesame Street, Caroll Spinney was both Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch.

When extended, a frog's tongue is about a third as long as the frog  -  as if our own tongues reached our belly buttons!

Chihuahua's are the world's smallest breed of dog...even though they look like rats.

Why Do I Even WATCH Television?

 

I freely admit to being a television junkie during my growing-up years. I told the time by what was on television. I estimated how long an activity would take using units of time called "sitcoms", e.g., "It should only take me two Hogan's Heroes to get that done."

But as I've matured, I find myself getting irritated by things I see on TV that don't make sense to me at all:

• Self-important people who think that yelling “Find my son…now!” has some kind of positive effect on the performance of the personnel of the Missing Persons Unit.
• Police officers who reject the idea of walking up to a suspect and instead, from 20 yards away, announce, “Jimmy Logan, we’re the police and we need to talk to you!” (Invariably creating the next item on my list.)
• Suspects who think they can get away from the police by running down a crowded sidewalk.
• Suspects who think they can outdraw a police officer who ALREADY has a gun aimed at them.
• Doctors who shout "Page Neuro!" to absolutely no one else standing there.
• Heart monitor alarms that burst into loud action in the middle of a routine operation because that's the only way the writers can pack any excitement whatsoever into four people standing around a bloody mannequin. 

Maybe I should read more books.

The Colbert Questionnaire

 

There's a recurring bit on Stephen Colbert's version of The Late Show called "The Colbert Questionnaire." The host laments how the normal talk show interview is fairly shallow and seldom leads to a deep understanding of the celebrity being interviewed. He then says the show has scientifically compiled a list of questions that will cut through all the glitter and fakery of show-business-as-usual and, when answered with candor, will result in the person being "known."

At this point of my life, I've become fairly certain that my dream of celebrity status and having talk shows want me as a guest will never come to pass. But why should that deprive the world of hearing my responses and knowing my deepest heart of hearts? *

What is the best sandwich?
Wendy's Baconator, followed closely by Jimmy John's Italian Night Club

What is one thing you own that you should really throw out?
A star-spangled motorcycle leather jacket

What is the scariest animal?
Possum, or as the suave and debonair say, opossum. They are nothing more than huge rats whose go-to response upon seeing you is to bare their razor-sharp teeth and hiss.

Apples or oranges?
Apples, but only if they are covered with butter, sugar, and cinnamon and baked to within a millimeter of being applesauce.

Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
Yes. During the summer I worked as a janitor at Foellinger Amphitheatre in Fort Wayne, Indiana, Mitzi Gaynor sang and danced on our stage and I got her autograph for the benefit of my then-fiance, the woman now known as Beloved.

What do you think happens when we die?
In 2 Corinthians 5:8, the Apostle Paul said that when we are absent from the body we are present with the Lord, but I'm not sure about the timing of all that. Am I "in heaven" the moment I die, or is there some kind of transitional housing where we all wait around until the end of time? 

Favorite action movie?
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: "My soul is prepared, Doctor Jones. How is yours?"

Window or aisle?
Aisle (for bathroom access). Also, Beloved prefers the window, so there's that.

Favorite smell?
Baby lotion

Least favorite smell?
Vomit

Earliest memory?
Walking up behind my dad as he was watching The Wizard of Oz. (For the full story, go to "In My Beginning."

Cats or dogs?
The unconditional love of dogs toward mankind is unearned and unequaled among earthly creatures. (See Wendy Francisco's "God and Dog")

You only get one song to listen to for the rest of your life. What is it?
Art Garfunkel, James Taylor, and Paul Simon singing "What a Wonderful World"

What is the most-used app on your phone?
I don't have any hard data on this, but I'm pretty sure it must be Facebook. Either that or Royal Match. (How sad is that?)

Describe the rest of your life in five words
Jesus, Family, Love, Laughter, Music

_______
* Full disclosure: There have been a few versions of this 15-question list over the years. I have distilled this list in such a way as to avoid my two least-favorite questions:
       1) What was your first concert? (I don't like this question because I have no idea how to answer it, other than to say it was probably a gospel quartet on a Sunday night at my childhood church.)
       2) What number am I thinking of? (How does that reveal anything about me? Besides, no matter what the celebrity's answer is, Colbert always says, "No.")

Hoped-For Headlines for 2025

 

You could probably file these under Prayer Requests.

Skyline Chili Opens Its Newest Location in Apple Valley, MN

Rich Mullins Returns from the Grave with 5 New Albums

Olympic Esports Recognized as Glorified Pac-Man

Streaming Services that Charge Fees Stop Running Ads

Calorie-Free Doughnuts Pass All Taste Tests

"Reality" Television Officially Cancelled by All Entertainment Outlets

Waco Texas Installs Dr Pepper Fountains in Public Parks

Waste-of-Ink Comic Strip Fred Bassett Finally Shuts Down #FredBassettMustDie

Stuph That Has No Reason Being in My Head, Vol. VI

 

You know how the character Raj on The Big Bang Theory couldn't talk in the presence of women and how fake that seemed? That's a real condition called selective mutism and was based on a former co-worker of one of the creators/executive producers of the show.

The author of The Giving Tree, Shel Silverstein, wrote a lot of songs, several of which became radio hits for other artists, e.g., Boy Named Sue (Johnny Cash), Cover of the Rolling Stone (Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show), One's on the Way (Loretta Lynn), and The Unicorn (Irish Rovers).

Maybe I should write a book titled Crying at Sunrise: Mourning All Morning.

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

In the movie Jaws, Sherriff Brody's classic line after seeing the shark for the first time, "You're gonna need a bigger boat," was an ad lib by the actor, Roy Scheider.

Paul Lynde was once pulled over for driving on the sidewalk. The traffic cop flipped open his pad to write the ticket and Lynde said, “I’ll take a cheeseburger, hold the fries.” (And the cop chuckled and said, “Get outta here”!)

I have a cough that's so rough it ought to have brought the tree's bough through a dollop of dough.

Kicks: The 400th Greatest Song of All Time

 

You know how "We've Only Just Begun" began as a commercial jingle and then got turned into a breakout hit by the Carpenters? (Click here to read a post about that.)

Well, "Kicks," by Paul Revere and the Raiders, took the same road, only in the opposite direction.

Reaching Number 4 on the national charts, "Kicks" was the group's first Top Ten hit and led to them being taken under Dick Clark's wings as the house band on his teen-oriented TV series, Where the Action Is.

Never being the kind of guys who would turn down a money-making opportunity, they accepted a proposal to take the anti-drug song, "Kicks"...

Girl, you thought you found the answer

On that magic carpet ride last night

But when you wake up in the mornin'

The world still gets you uptight

Well, there's nothin' that you ain't tried

To fill the emptiness inside

But when you come back down, girl

Still ain't feelin' right

And don't it seem like

Kicks just keep gettin' harder to find

And all your kicks ain't bringin' you peace of mind

Before you find out it's too late, girl

You better get straight

No, but not with kicks

...and turn it into a rockin' commercial for a cereal brand popular with children:

Girl, you thought that Frosted Flakes

Was the best thing on the shelf to eat

'Cause when you wake up in the mornin'

You're yearnin' for somethin' sweet

Well, there's somethin' that you ain't tried

To fill the emptiness inside

And when you swallow it down, girl

You'll know it can't be beat

Hey, silly rabbit, now

Kix just keep gettin' harder to find

Because our Kix fly off the shelves all the time

Now that the price has really dropped, girl

You better go shop

Yes, and get some Kix

P.S. The first and third paragraphs above are actually true.

P.P.S. Yes, I know the "silly rabbit" is the mascot for Trix, not Kix. Let me remind you that this is ALMOST the Truth.

My Semi-Embarrassing Afternoon with William Windom

 

It was 1979...maybe 1980. I managed the box office at the historic Embassy Theatre in downtown Fort Wayne, Indiana. Coming up on a particular evening was a one-man show featuring the works of James Thurber. The one man starring in said show was none other than William Windom...a name meaningless to most people under the age of 40...an awful lot of people over 40 can't quite place it either.

But make no mistake, William Windom was a real-life Hollywood quasi-big shot. In the Fifties and early Sixties, he appeared both on Broadway and in many television shows like Hallmark Hall of Fame and Twilight Zone. He is most well-known for his co-starring role with Inger Stevens in The Farmer's Daughter (Those who remember it at all remember the chair/escalator that ran along the stairs to the second floor of the house.) and his starring role as a cartoonist with a wild imagination in My World and Welcome to It.

If you're a fan of 1962's To Kill a Mockingbird, you have seen him go up against Gregory Peck's Atticus Finch in the courtroom.

In later years, he also had a recurring role in Murder She Wrote as Dr. Seth Hazlitt.

It was Windom's work in My World and Welcome to It that led to his one-man show and his arrival in the Summit City: Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Ticket sales were less than impressive, so in an attempt to get more tushes in the theatre's seats, we had arranged for a meet-and-greet with Mr. Windom at a high-end department store in Fort Wayne's largest mall. I was his only companion at the event...me and the supply of tickets I had on hand to sell to the fawning crowd.

There we were, sitting at a table not far from the fragrance counter, hoping people would wander by, recognize his face, and go, "Well, now that I've met the guy, I simply must buy some tickets to his show!"

About halfway through the afternoon, a high school classmate (named Andy Williams...#NoJoke) walked up to the table because he was excited to see ME. I kind of had to interrupt Andy in order to introduce him to Mr. William Windom. Andy heard my intro, looked at the Emmy-winning star and said to him, "Hey! Did you know that Dewey is a really good actor, too?"

I was grateful for the positive evaluation and all but seriously, I felt like hiding under the table.

It was like I had turned to Buddy Rich or Ringo Starr and proudly announced that I played the bass drum in my freshman marching band.

Stuph That Has No Reason Being in My Head, Vol. IV

 

Ron Howard has included the place of conception in the names of his children (e.g., Bryce Dallas Howard)

The producers of Golden Girls wanted Betty White to take the role of senior citizen sex kitten, Blanche, but she refused, giving life to the dim-witted Rose instead. White said that Blanche would have been too much like her previous TV role, Sue Anne Nivens, on Mary Tyler Moore.

At the end of every episode of Glenn Campbell's television variety show, he said, "Keep the latch string out and the dog tied up, 'cause I'm coming home!"

Jerry Garcia (from the Grateful Dead) played the pedal steel guitar for Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young's "Teach Your Children".

Disney should make A Frozen Christmas Carol. Here's the tagline for it: With Elsa as the Ghost of Christmas Future, the phrase "cold as hell" becomes literally accurate.

The Chinese word for "crisis" is comprised of the symbols for "dangerous" and "opportunity".

Debrief = The opposite of a wedgie

♪♫ Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Does whatever a spider can. Spins a web any size. Catches thieves just like flies. Look out! Here comes the Spider-Man. Is he strong? Listen, bud, he's got radioactive blood. Can he swing from a thread? Take a look overhead. Hey there! There goes the Spider-Man! In the chill of night at the scene of a crime, like a streak of light, he arrives just in time. Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man! Welcomed, then he's ignored. Action is his reward. To him, life is a great big hang-up. Wherever there's a bang-up, you'll find the Spider-Man!♫♪

Gag Reel:

I used Bing's AI creative chat feature to create the above graphic of Elsa and Scrooge McDuck, but here's its first attempt:

And then I asked it to make Elsa look more threatening and Holy Farnsworth!

Hoped-For Headlines for 2024

 

With a little luck, some of these just might get printed for real.

Last-minute Candidate with Brains and an Actual Moral Compass Wins Write-in Campaign for the Presidency

Longmire Returns to Television with a 5-year Contract

All Music Recorded in the 21st Century Mysteriously Disappears

The Health Benefits of Kale Revealed as a Hoax

It Is No Longer Fashionable to Broadcast One's Sexual or Gender Proclivities

Supreme Court Rules That Yelling Does Not Make Your Stupid Theory Correct

Usage of "Should Of" Instead of "Should've" or "Should Have" Results in Large Fines

Waste-of-Ink Comic Strip Fred Bassett Finally Shuts Down #FredBassettMustDie

More To Boldly Pun Where No One Has Ever Groaned Before

 

Having found out how practically effortless it is to steal Star Trek puns from across the World Wide Wackfest (but especially Riker's Beard), here's another collection of tidbits that will energize and transport you to TickleTown.

Stuph That Has No Reason Being in My Head, Vol. III

 

In The Wizard of Oz (1939), when the Tinman is singing "If I Only Had a Heart," there is one line sung by a female: "Wherefore art thou, Romeo?" (Remember?) The actress who sang that line is the same one who voiced Snow White in Disney's Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs (1937).

For a few years in the early 2000s, 7-Up made a beverage called "dnL" that was like the opposite of 7-Up. Instead of being a clear, caffeine-free beverage sold in a green bottle, it was a green, caffeinated beverage sold in a clear bottle. It looked and tasted a lot like Surge. (I miss it.)

Tom Selleck was originally cast as Indiana Jones but couldn't take the part because of his commitment to being Magnum PI.

The word for that icky feeling as if bugs are crawling on you is formication.

Mel Brooks has one line in his movie, Young Frankenstein. The sound of a screaming cat: "Mrow!"

Barry Manilow had a big hit with I Write the Songs. However, he did not write that song.

Painkillers don't work very well on people with red hair.

Freddie Highmore almost didn't get cast in The Good Doctor. The Powers That Be said they were looking for someone around 25. Highmore's truthful reply: "I AM 25!"

Stuph That Has No Reason Being in My Head, Vol. II

“Got to Get You Into My Life” was written by Paul McCartney to express his new-found exuberance for marijuana.

In the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, when an inebriated Uncle Billy staggers off camera after a short conversation with George Bailey, he apparently stumbles over some garbage cans. That noisy crash was an accident and his words, “I’m alright! I'm allllright!" were improvised.

Gary Burghoff, in the role of Radar, is the only actor/role combo that appeared in both the movie and the television series versions of M*A*S*H.

E.T. was lured back to Eliot’s house with Reese’s Pieces because M & Ms didn’t want to pay a product placement fee to a weird sci-fi movie.

Bea Benaderet was the owner-operator of the Shady Rest Hotel in Petticoat Junction AND the voice of Betty Rubble in The Flintstones.

♫♪ When you find yourself in danger, when you're threatened by a stranger, when it looks like you will take a lickin' (buk buk buk buk), there is someone waiting who will hurry up and rescue you. Just call up for Superchicken! Fred, if you're afraid you'll have to overlook it. Besides, you knew the job was dangerous when you took it. (Bukack!) He will drink his super sauce and throw the bad guys for a loss and he will bring them in alive and kickin'. (buk buk buk buk) There is one thing you should learn: when there is no one else to turn to, call up for Superchicken. (buk buk buk buk) Call up for Superchicken! (Bukack!) ♪♫

If the Monkees Were Crime Fighters

 

Admittedly, it doesn't take much for my mind to go flying off on a tangent.

Case in point, this picture and the notion that Mike, Mickey, Davey, and Peter decided to write songs about their cooperative relationship with Batman and Commissioner Gordon.

Hey Hey You're Arrested: Here we come, patrollin' on your street. We get full confessions from everyone we meet.

Last Train to Sing Sing: Take the last train to Sing Sing, you'll be serving ten to twenty.

I'm a Detective: I thought crime was only done in alleyways. Then, to someone else but not to me.

(I'm Not Your) Alibi: You tried to say you spent the night inside my house. But everybody knows that you are not my spouse. I won't speak up for you; I'm quiet as a mouse. The jury's findin' out your just a lying louse!

Crime Scene Believer: You once thought of me as a doughnut-eating geek; now you know how clever I can be. Cause I find prints in thin air and some DNA to spare. How many clues do we really need?

Pleasant Precinct Sunday: The local rock group gets hauled in for making music that's too loud. And Mr. Green, he makes the scene to get a permit for the crowd.

Stuph That Has No Reason Being In My Head, Vol. I

 

In Gilligan's Island, Skipper's legal name was Jonas Grumby.

Before the invention of the light bulb, the average American slept ten hours a night.

Even 40 years later, the finale of M*A*S*H is still the most-watched episode of any series.

In the radio version of Have Gun - Will Travel, the Chinese manservant, Hey Boy, was played in all its stereotypical glory ("You velly, velly rucky...") by British actor, Ben Wright, who also did the voice of Prince Eric's caretaker, Grimsby, in The Little Mermaid and was the head Nazi in The Sound of Music.

If we think of the Milky Way galaxy as being the size of the entire continent of North America, our solar system would fit into a coffee cup.

The lovely and talented actress Ashley Judd is the daughter of country music singer Naomi Judd and half-sister to Wynonna Judd.

There are 86,400 seconds in a day.

The hashtag symbol (#) is officially called an octothorpe.

Lincoln Logs were invented by the son of the famous architect, Frank Lloyd Wright.

Some cats are allergic to people. (And who could blame them?)