I'm WHAT?!!?

I've done something like this before...searched the World Wide Wackfest for my name and a verb and published the sometimes goofy results. There has been "Dewey is" and "Dewey should" and "Dewey has" and Dewey wants" and "Dewey needs". Dewey, Dewey, Dewey ad nauseam.

I got thinking about those posts today (WARNING! Thinking is a seldom-attempted activity that may result in global catastrophe.), and wondered, "What would result from a search for my whole name?"

Thus, the grand investigation into "Dewey Roth is" was born.

• Dewey Roth is a real property lessor located in Cairo, Nebraska. [As opposed to a fake one]
• Dewey Roth is a private company categorized under Farm Land Leasing and located in Cairo, NE. [So, this guy has company-ized our name...clever.]
• Report for Dewey Roth is now available. [...for the small fee of $29.99.]
• Dewey Roth is an active United States & Territories grain, feed, hay carrier operating under United States Department of Transportation (USDOT) Number....
• My friend/mentor Dewey Roth is one of the funniest people I know. [Okay, this one really is about me and appears in The Disney Freak's Blog.]
• Mrs. Dewey Roth is general chairman for the affair. [I certainly hope MY Mrs. Dewey Roth isn't involved in an affair.]
• Mrs. Dewey Roth is chairman of the carnation sale. [Wow. This gal gets around.]
• Based on our current records, Dewey Roth is living in a Single Family Home, and is Probably a Home Owner. Our data also shows [sic] that Dewey's approximate age is somewhere betweeen 76 and Up. ["Up" is now an age? Or is that a euphemism for "Death"? In either case, this ain't me, babe.]
• Dewey Roth is on Sysoon. Personal death notice and detailed information about the deceased person. [Apparently, I've missed my own funeral.]
• Dewey Roth is living in United States. [Oh, come on...make up your mind, Internet!]
• Dewey Roth is on Facebook. [Well...I will be as soon as I post this, because yeah...I pretty much live there.]