Putting the EmPHAsis on the Right SylLAble

I realized something today that I never realized before.

Really.

The word "routine" is pronounced differently when it's used as an adjective than when it's used as a noun.

Behold...

"It's just a ROUtine investigation, ma'am."

"This job is so boring. It's the same rouTINE every day."

"Her figure skating career will never take off. She has such a ROUtine rouTINE."

And so, I began to wonder whether there were any other words like that.

Behold...

"There are a lot of interconnected parts in this group of buildings. It's a comPLEX COMplex."

"I'm satisfied with what's in this book. I'm conTENT with the CONtent."

"What a snob! There was no real emotion in that greeting at all. It was a HOLlow holLOW."

https://youtu.be/mvYY1zrC3BA

Standing in the Shadows of the 464th Greatest Song of All Time

There are two things about "Standing in the Shadows of Love" as recorded by The Four Tops in 1966:

     1.  I only know one line of the song: the one that contains the title.

     2.  For all these years, I've thought the word "shadows" was "shadow", so now I know that I never really knew the one line of the song I thought I knew, you know?

And that's a shame, because if you're looking for a song to help you whine about your lack of certainty in the longevity of the love you see...this is it:

Standing in the shadows of love

I'm getting ready for the heartaches to come

Can't you see me standing in the shadows of love

I'm getting ready for the heartaches to come

All alone I'm destined to be

With misery my only company

It may come today, and it might come tomorrow

But it's for sure I ain't got nothing but sorrow

Yes indeed, the mid-sixties were the perfect time for bouncy, happy love songs. "Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows..." ♫♪♫

Off the Mark O Words

An excerpt from Almost the Dictionary: The Almost the Truth™ Dictionary of What Words Ought to Actually Mean: A Lexicon for Parallel Thinkers.

Oakleaves (clause)  -  What an oak does when it is highly offended by the content of a conversation

OAR (acronym)  -  Oblong Aquatic Rearranger

Obfuscated (clause)  -  How Hans Brinker's friend, Obfu, got around in the winter

Obituary (n)  -  After January and February, the month with the most deaths

Objection (n)  -  In a court case, the point where damning evidence and desperation intersect

Obliterate (adj)  -  Having or showing knowledge of ob

Oblong (n)  -  Asian cousin of Obwan Kenobi

Oboes (n)  -  Least-appreciated instruments at mealtime; "Keep your oboes off the table!"

Obscene (n)  -  Any segment in Star Wars: A New Hope in which Alec Guinness' character appears

Obscure (n)  -  A method for treating a disease that no one ever contracts anymore

Podcast Say What???

One good thing about a hefty commute: being able to listen to some really good podcasts along the way.

However...

Listening to podcasts while your GPS app is helping you avoid traffic tie-ups can make for some...interesting...audio mash-ups:

     "Good gracious, Marshall Dillon! What are we gonna do?"
     "Well, Chester, at the light, make a slight right to merge onto State Route 10."

     James and John were asking for the best seats in the Kingdom, and Jesus said, "In one mile, continue onto Cedar Avenue."

The Existence of God Is No Cheap Trick: Song Number 465

Cheap Trick's recording of "Surrender" is listed as the 465th greatest song of all time by Rolling Stone, and I've only got three things to say about that:

     1.  I had never heard the song before, so I had to YouTube it to even begin to think about perhaps contemplating the creating of an idea about making a blog-post about it.

     2.  It's kind of a catchy little number that doesn't make me wretch, even though the singer talks about finding his mom and dad on the couch listening to his KISS records, getting high, and making out.

     3.  I'm overjoyed it wasn't "I Want You to Want Me."

Bonus source of joy: While doing research connected to statement number three, I found that "I Want You to Want Me" didn't make the list at all.

And some people say there is no God. Hmph!

Not Real N Words

A narrow nibble from Almost the Dictionary: The Almost the Truth™ Dictionary of What Words Ought to Actually Mean: A Lexicon for Parallel Thinkers.

Nabbed (clause)  -  "Quick! Grab that piece of sleep furniture!"

Nabbing (clause)  -  "Quick! Grab that dog-faced crooner!"

Nacho (interjection)  -  The sound of a Spanish sneeze

NAG (acronym)  -  Nasty Around-the-clock Griping

Nail (n)  -  Every issue in the life of a person who only has a hammer

Naive (n)  -  An intravenous bottle full of sodium

Name (adj)  -  Crippned or physicanny disabned, especianny in the foot or neg so as to nimp or wank with awkwardness

NAP (acronym)  -  Nice Afternoon Project

Naps (n)  -  A backwards bridge

Narcissist (n)  -  A cissist with a single horn protruding from its head

It Pays to Make Your Teacher Chuckle

There was a time in my life when I almost lost all interest in all things musical.

It's hard to believe now, seeing as how 87% of my personal memory bank consists of the melody and lyric of 70's singer-songwriters, 60's folk-rock groups, and the entire catalog of TV's greatest theme songs.

"What is it that almost turned you off of music?" you may ask.

Well...go ahead...ask.

"What is it that almost turned you off of music?!!?"

The answer is a single college class: Music Appreciation.

Oh yes, dear reader, I understand the definition of irony.

What I didn't understand at the time, though, was why I needed to memorize dates and terminology in order to demonstrate my appreciation of music.

I did experience one brief, shining moment of glory in the class, though.

Part of the final exam was a list of musical terms that we were expected to define. No multiple guesswork, either, babycakes; we were expected to put pen to paper and write down the definitions however our brains spewed them forth.

I did okay for a while.

pianissimo - softly
forte - hardly

But then, in an apparent attempt to keep things interesting, the prof included the word manicotti on the list.

Now...this was the mid-70s. I was a rural Midwestern college freshman. My knowledge of musical terms was abysmal and my familiarity with Italian food ended with spaghetti, pizza, and sausage...and come to think of it, I probably was only conversant in Polish sausage.

What I'm saying is that I had absolutely no idea what the word manicotti meant.

And so, I turned on my parallel thinking and punted. I picked up my pen and wrote "manicotti  -  What male members of the Italian army sleep on."

You may think that's the stupidest thing you've ever heard, but the professor gave me half a credit point for it!

#TrueStory