Friday, August 18, 2023

Almost the News XXVII

 

Flooey Lewis & the NotNews


Student Debt Ruling Likely Within Days
It probably won't be long before student debt is in charge of everything.

India Offers Its Tech for the Masses
This is a surprising development in a country where only 2.3% of the population is Christian.

Spurs Open Arms Wide for Wemby
[Editor's Note: This kind of graphic, cowboy-themed self-mutilation shouldn't even be IN the newspaper.]

Anoka Co. City Seeks Mayoral Candidates
Spokesperson for the League of Women Voters, Sheila Votah, exclaimed, "We were just getting ready for the debate, looked around, and they were gone!"

Dodgers Rout Rangers With Five Homers
A recent race between Ram lovers and Ford aficionados came out in favor of the Dodge owners: Homer Bailey, Homer Laughlin, Homer Highwater, Homer Randolph, and Homer Simpson.

Bus Snarls to Keep Louisville Schools Closed
In a press release, school superintendent Siddown N. B. Kwyatt says, "I had no idea a bus could even make that kind of sound."

Rural Community Needs a Savior for Their Church
Um...isn't that what Jesus is for?


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