Shut Up That Noise! The 441st Greatest Song of All Time

 

They were just simple soldiers.

They lived simple lives at a Pittsburgh Air Force base. [Note: I'm pretty sure that means the base was based in Pittsburgh...not that Pittsburgh has its own Air Force.]

They sang the simple melodies and predictable harmonies of doo-wop, ready-made for wooing women at the PX.

Because of shifting tours of duty, the actual line-up of the Del-Vikings was...shall we say...fluid. But they came up with a winning combination of personnel and just the right song, becoming pop music's first successful multiracial group, with the song, "Come Go With Me".

It's a simple song, begging a girl to go with a boy.

Come, come, come, come

Come into my heart

Tell me, darlin'

We will never part

I need you darlin'

So come go with me

Yes, I need you,

Yes, I really need you

Please say you'll never leave me

Well, say, you never

Yes, you really never

You never give me a chance

Ohhhh!

It was written by the bass singer, Clarence Quick, and recorded one night in a hotel room.

Recorded.

In.

A hotel room.

I can only imagine the calls to the front desk.

"Hey, yeah, this is Room 14B. You gotta come do something about the room next to me. There's a bunch of guys in there and...well, I think they got a girl with them and they're trying to coerce her into something. That I wouldn't mind so much, I mean, I'm not one to stick my nose into anybody's business, you know? But good night Irene! They just keep yelling about it over and over again. I can't get to sleep, for cryin' out loud!"

Hey, How's Come...

...people walk up to my cash register at FastStop, place the items they have carefully selected from throughout the store on the counter, make sure I didn't miss scanning anything, and then act surprised when they need to get money or a debit card out?

...the person who answers the phone at customer service always has to ask somebody else how to solve your problem? Why don't they just get that other person to answer the phone?

...people complain to the cashier about the price of gas as if the poor slob behind the counter has anything to do with the cost of anything?

...young women consider themselves social media influencers by wearing skimpy bathing suits and shaking their buttocks at a camera? Is this considered a marketable talent?

...after I buy something online, 87% of the ads that show up on the web pages I visit are for that very thing? Why are the advertisers wasting their money showing me ads for something they KNOW I just bought? (And yes, I know they know. I mean, if they know I was thinking about talking to Beloved about possibly looking at pictures of a product next month, then they know when I actually purchase something.)

Tax Facts-ish

 

The Infernal Revenue Service has a lot of power it can wield in its unflagging effort to extract from the citizens of the U. S. of A. enough funds to keep the government well-stocked in pork barrels and erasable tape.

One of the IRS's superpowers is the ability to do its dirty work completely in the shadows, undetected by mere mortals. They can keep a secret better than Cher's plastic surgeon.

For instance, did you know...

• The IRS doesn't really know how much money anyone owes. They just throw out random numbers, trusting in the average citizen's lack of expertise.
• IRS agents are all participants in the witness protection program.
• 27% of all tax returns are tear-stained.
• Who gets audited is decided by a complex algorithm involving gross income, submission date, and Twitter followers.
• Tax money submitted after the deadline is used to buy lottery tickets...or thrown away...not that there's any difference.

Wasted Words: The 442nd Greatest Song of All Time

 

In September of 1957, Little Richard released the song "Keep A-Knockin'." It spent 18 weeks on the charts and got up to Number 8.

It's a short song. The recording clocks in at two minutes and sixteen seconds.

However...

It's amazing the song goes on for even that long, seeing as how there are only three phrases sung in the whole thing:

       1. Keep a-knockin' but you can't come in
       2. You said you love me but you can't come in
       3. Come back tomorrow night and try it again

Sure, those words are sung over and over (and over), but that is the total content of the song's message. No glimmer of hope that the situation will change whatsoever; no promise of a future together; no hint that things are gonna get better.

Could have saved everybody a lot of time and effort by just saying, "Beat it."

But that would have stolen Michael Jackson's thunder, I suppose.

This Is All There Is, There Ain't No More

 

Updated update: Now the truth can be told.

With so little left in the world to laugh about, I have found it increasingly difficult to come up with worthy additions to this blog's long and storied history.

It all started on December 24, 2007. When the first post was posted here, it was mostly an attempt to establish a Web presence for the title of my then-soon-to-be-self-published book, ALMOST THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUTH MINISTRY: Salesmen, Secretaries, and Smart Alecks.

There was enough of an initial response to encourage me to keep going. Little did those fools know that I would pull an Energizer Bunny on them and just... keep... going!

Over 14 years later, though, and it's time to say so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu.

This outlet has never "gone viral," gotten popular, or gained much traction at all. The click-bait-titled "Pictures Inappropriate for History Books!" has proven to be the most popular post ever posted, but it didn't result in very many new subscribers.

Let's just say that I'm grateful for the handful of faithful readers, but I've come to the realization that I'm expending far too much energy for far too little return. Almost the Truth Publishing's purpose statement, "If laughter is the best medicine, ALMOST THE TRUTH™ exists to heal the world," is all well and good, but I'm just too tired to keep trying.

So get out there and create your own happiness and humor. Laughter is where you find it and, similar to beauty, in the slightly-twisted mind of the beholder.