VII X Words

 

An excerpt from Almost the Dictionary: The Almost the Truth™ Dictionary of What Words Ought to Actually Mean: A Lexicon for Parallel Thinkers.

Xantham (n)  -  A stirring, loyalty-inducing song played before every x-ray procedure.

Xenoblast (n)  -  Third entry in the classic series, "Hearnoblast, Speaknoblast, Xenoblast"

Xenophone (n)  -  Device used to communicate with foreign entities

Xeranthemum (phrase)  -  "A heavy, colorless, chemically inactive, monatomic gaseous element moved the British mother with haste."

X-ray (n)  -  A person or animal that used to be named Ray

Xylene (n)  -  The umpteenth sequel to one of Dolly Parton's most-well-known songs

Xylophone (n)  -  A  word that sounds like pieces of wood being struck by a soft hammer

The Sorriest Song on the Top 500 List

 

Coming in at Number 455 on Rolling Stone's list of the "500 Greatest Songs of All Time" is a little ditty that needs to seriously rethink its relationships.

Rolling Stone calls it a "haunting meditation on remorse." I call it a repetitive set of couplets that will say anything in order to create a rhyme.

It starts out with a little bit of promise: "What else could I be? All apologies."

Okay. Apparently, Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love were having issues and he has decided to write a song to express his regret for his part in the conflict. Fine intention, though "what else could I be" doesn't really sound all that apologetic, does it? It seems kind of like "I am what I am! Sorry!"

And then it immediately goes south with the second line: "What else could I say? Everyone is gay."

Seriously, Kurt? Everyone? Gay?

I think what actually happened is that Kurt was sitting around strumming his guitar and he would say the first part of a line and Will Ferrell would spit out the first rhyme that came to mind.

Kurt: What else could I say?

Will: Uh...umm...Everyoneisgay!

Kurt: What else could I write?

Will: I don't have the right.

Kurt: You're kidding. That doesn't rhyme. It's the same BLEEPing word.

Will: They only sound the same. They're spelled differently. They're homophones.

Kurt: You got something against the LGBTQ community?

Will: Just go on.

Kurt: I'll take all the blame.

Will: Aqua seafoam shame.

Kurt: That's ridiculous! Get serious, Will!

Will: Fine.

Kurt: Sunburn. Freezer burn.

Will: Choking on the ashes of her enemy.

Kurt: That doesn't even rhyme!

Will: True, but it's very serious.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

I've never been a Nirvana fan. And I make no apologies about that.

It's Not the Heat, It's the Humans

 

It has certainly been ungeographically hot for a while now.

I made up the term "ungeographically" to replace the more-normal word that would go in that sentence: "unseasonably".

Because the thing is, this stretch of highs in the 90-degree range fits right in with it being June...if I lived in a desert!

I'm in Minnesnowda for farnsworth's sake! People around here are used to needing to chip open the frozen mailbox as late as the 20th of May. Needing to run air conditioning other than during the two weeks of the State Fair in late August is unheard of.

However...

I refuse to actually complain. I don't want to be like the string of customers that drag themselves through FastStop's doors whining about how cold it is in February and March and then ALSO groaning and moaning about any heat that happens to make it up from the Gulf of Mexico during July.

And then there's those that actually prefer the cold: "I can always put on another sweater, but once I reach naked, I'm stuck."

There's a term for those who like the bitter cold of winter in the Great White North: weirdo.

"Look! I can throw boiling water into the air and it instantly turns into a cloud of ice crystals! Isn't it wonderful?"

Yeah, just as wonderful as how when I open my eyes, they instantly turn into frozen marbles.

♪♫ Dying in a winter wonderland ♫♪

Wonky W Words

A whittling from Almost the Dictionary: The Almost the Truth™ Dictionary of What Words Ought to Actually Mean: A Lexicon for Parallel Thinkers.

Wabbit (noun)  -  Elmer Fudd's prey of choice

WAD (acronym)  -  Wet And Dirty

Waddle (v)  -  Elton John's seductive manner of walking, found in the song "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word": "Waddle I do to make you love me"

WADE (acronym)  -  Walking Ankle Deep Easily

Wader (n)  -  Person who takes your food order at a slightly-flooded restaurant

Wading (v)  -  How the rock group Foreigner starts romantic relationships: "I've been wading for a girl like you to come into my life"

Wafer (n)  -  A long distance

Waffle (n)  -  A pancake with built-in traction so the maple syrup cannot escape

 

Whacky (adj)  -  The way someone behaves after they've been smacked around a bit

Winsome (clause)  -  ...aaaand you losesome