Warping 9 to 5, what a way to cross the cosmos
Two levels down, they're holding a princess in a jail cell
Searchers for some droids
That is what we are
So we ambled in
This cantina/bar
Real Headlines. Fake News.
Rally Held in Minneapolis for Man Fatally Shot by Police in Madison
Rally spokesperson: "We were legally holding a rally for this man. The Madison PD had no right to fatally shoot us."
2 Teens Arrested After Attempted Carjacking in Minneapolis
"The fact that they couldn't successfully lift the car to change its tire is just a crime!"
Police Warn of Urban Exploring After Death
"There be ghosts wandrin' round these alleyways..."
![[Exploring Ghosts]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb7u44HNnRYTihOg7vEFZKLBpv0juiki61SrWcHljPDNml91g9kthn02zDvk55lg7YD-JTRUPzSqVQNukq9shMwCMmrFXDYGzD3wm2Y6MSZyLWmNo0nzgl2Z_Fexg31aoyfWkBxSioOcdFjdm_BMHIx-FzbGVQqJ99i7tzCR9gYVx00qR6f6iNeDPx1Ec/s1067/918.png)
St. Paul Could See Property Tax Hikes
A news release from forensic ancient literature expert, Along Tymago, states that the Apostle Paul predicted rising property tax rates as long ago as the first century AD.
Wolves to Retire Kevin Garnett's Jersey on Feb. 28
Starting March 1st, Garnett will be playing shirtless.
Testimony to Resume after Lindsay Clancy Jury Sent Home Early
"Okay, now that the bothersome jury is gone, let's get down to business..."
Attention: Airport Pick-ups/Drop-offs Could Be Cumbersome Next Few Days
This announcement from airport officials, of course, represents absolutely no change whatsoever from the normal state of affairs.
Bench Dedicated to Boy Killed in Minneapolis School Shooting Nearly 1 Year Ago
Why we're telling you about it now is a mystery.
Residents Weigh In on New Police Chief
...even though it would be much easier to use a bathroom scale
Desperate Search for Nepal Flood Survivors Enters Critical Phase
Search coordinator, Luke N. Finedem: "In this phase, everybody starts whining, complaining, and talking about how they would run things differently."
Depeche Mode started out orthodox enough:
But it soon becomes clear the singer is encouraging the listener to consider the singer to be the listener's supernatural confidant:
![[image of singer]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAGHMODbo19Y-5fYOmltxl3eQI5StrU74TSvGD9w4mJFp844qAObz_afB-LGLUJZsfG4eY9q4MnTjUohxPNI88O2hMuS-_1MVHmcd_-TJw5FiOAKRcRHmq6W5OEjZ2Ev2skkInQYNzvEaJjJ3JIs6rpKj9ch7KPNbM685dGfWPgvPY1Xu6TfUV4K0Aw9E/s1348/911.png)
I was going to continue with more lyrical analysis, but I just realized that I have already given you all the words in the song. Everything else is repeating what's already been sung.
So...
Not only is the singer manifesting a textbook case of Messiah Complex, but he is also making it clear his songwriting ability lacks...shall we say...depth.
Certainly length.
I've always known that Donny Osmond and Michael Jackson were about the same age, but it boggles me that Prince (born June 7, 1958) was actually over two months older than MJ.
You know when someone sneezes and you say "Bless you"? THAT sounds like a sneeze, too.
Even though they were originally voiced by two separate people, since the late 1990s, Winnie the Pooh and Tigger have been voiced by the one and only Jim Cummings.
Snap, Crackle, and Pop were the first breakfast cereal mascots.
If you replace W with T in the words what, where, and when, you get the answer to each of them.
Julie Andrews was not cast to recreate her Broadway role of Eliza Doolittle in the film version of My Fair Lady, making her free to star in Mary Poppins instead . . . for which she won an Oscar.
The canine television sensation, Lassie, was always played by a male dog.
Speaking of dogs, we all know what a female dog is called, but I had to ask the WorldWideWackfest what the term for a male dog is. I learned that dogs used to be called hounds and that dog was the term for a male hound until it started being used for the whole species. So now there is no specific term for "a male dog."
Whenever I write or type the word "Wednesday," I say three syllables to myself: wed - nes - day.
Sometimes, my train of thought runs at breakneck speed and easily jumps onto a parallel track quicker than a cheetah with dysentery.
Case in point . . .
During a recent trek across South Dakota on I-90, Beloved was driving, and I was staring out the window at mile after mile of nothingness. Suddenly, just off the highway at an exit ramp, I saw a deathly-white tree, devoid of any leaves, and the train left the station.
That reminds me of the tree in "Legend of Sleepy Hollow." Man, Christopher Walken was super creepy in that. Who else was in - oh yeah, Johnny Depp. He was in "Sweeney Todd," too. Talk about super creepy. I can't believe high schools do that musical. At least "Little Shop of Horrors" has fun songs and a sense of humor. ActorBoy did great in that, but boy, when he jumped into the carnivorous plant/puppet at the end and stabbed his leg on an exposed bolt...eww.
Then Beloved asked me why I grabbed my inner thigh, and she got all confused when I said, "Did you see that dead tree back there?"
According to the magazine Rolling Stone:
The B side of Diddley's first-ever single was built around a four-note guitar stomp that was a trademark of mid- Fifties Chicago blues. Songwriter Willie Dixon, who supervised the 1955 session, said it was Diddley's sense of rhythm that set him apart from everyone else at Chess [Records]: "The drums are speaking, and he'll tell you what the drums are saying."
Hmmm...
If Bo Diddley's "I'm a Man" is telling me what the drums are saying, I cannot help but be reminded of a Far Side comic wherein Larson translates the barking of dogs into English: We see a dog chasing a car and another dog excited about a person walking down the street and still another dog squaring off with something up a tree . . . and in each instance, the dog is saying "Hey! Hey! Hey hey!"
In other words, the song is that four-note guitar riff (Da-DAA da-dah), endlessly repeated.
Over and over.
And over.
With Bo's two-note melody expressing lyrics that may not even be worthy of that many notes:
I seriously (Da-DAA da-dah) cannot imagine (Da-DAA da-dah) picking this song (Da-DAA da-dah) over Chicago's totally different song with the same title...which didn't even make Rolling Stone's list.
Da-DAA da-dumb!
It was a dark Sunday night in late November.
I was co-starring in a strange little play titled Winterthing in a strange little midwestern town called Fort Wayne.
One of the co-stars I was sharing the stage with was an eight-year-old wonder named Melanie. Her part required her to be a whiny little snot that inspired everyone to want to slap her. The good news was that even though she did the appropriate face-slapping inspiration on stage, in truth, she was a sweet gal with dark, shoulder-length hair, black, round-rimmed glasses, and a smile that could melt the hardest heart.
On the Sunday night in question, Beloved and I had been enlisted to take Melanie home with us for a sleepover while her parents were out of town. All three of us were looking forward to it, partly because it would involve Beloved and Melanie going with me to a strange little radio station while I did my once-a-week shift on the air, playing whatever songs I felt like. (Oh...those were the days!)
Part of the fun was ordering a pizza from the strange little shop across the street. (Are you old enough to remember when getting a pizza delivered was a smile-inducing, unique event?)
Melanie was oh so happy as she practically skipped into the studio carrying the pizza and gleefully placed it on the turntable that was playing the song currently going out to the tens of people listening live.
I screamed. Melanie screamed. We all screamed.
The pizza survived. The song did not. Melanie’s sense of confidence and well-being may have sustained a deadly blow.
Real Headlines. Fake News.
Man to Appear in Court After Fatal Hit-and-Run
This marks the first time a corpse will have been called as a witness.
Minneapolis City Council Denies Developer for George Floyd Square
"Actually, he's the coolest cat we've ever met. Not square at all."
Deputy Working at School in Georgia Accused of On-Duty Sexual Assault at Nearby Home
Sheriff Uttoh states: "What a person does on their own time is their own business, but when you're on the clock..."
U.S. Launches More Strikes in the Middle East
Accordingly, they are leading in the World Bowling Championships currently being held in Lebanon.
Large Police Presence in Inver Grove Heights Neighborhood
A local resident who wished to remain unidentified is quoted as saying, "There are three or four of 'em in my front yard, and they're each at least seven feet tall!"
New Report Shows Crime Trending Down in Minneapolis
Meanwhile, crime isn't a trendy thing at ALL up in Duluth.
Explosive Diarrhea-Causing Parasite Infects More than 1,000 People
The trick is to get the parasite to explode before it infects you.
Video Shows Tense Moments During South Minneapolis Standoff
"Let's take a break from this standoff and watch a clip of Indiana Jones outrunning a boulder."
It's not often that Jimi Hendrix wrote a ballad.
Then again, it probably wasn't all that often that he and his girlfriend had a dish-smashing argument.
All I know is, "The Wind Cries Mary" is fairly depressing:
And it goes on from there with talk of a crying queen and wifeless king and blue traffic lights and a tiny island that sags downstream and the wind with a bad memory and a crutch and what were we talking about anyway?
Admittedly, it doesn't take much to send my mind swirling down a rabbit hole of pop culture references and parallel universes. It should come as no surprise, then, to learn that's exactly what happened when I stumbled upon this AI-created mash-up of Taxi and Back to the Future:
Biff Reiger: Why don't you make like a tree and go to Central Park?
* * *
Bobby McFly: Calvin? Wh... Why do you keep calling me Calvin?
Lorraine Nardo: Well, that is your name, isn't it? Calvin Klein? It's written all over your hack license.
* * *
Latka McFly: I'm your density...ibbi da.
* * *
Bobby McFly: Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Doc. Ah... Are you telling me that you built a time machine... out of a taxi?
Dr. Rev. Jim Brown: The way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with an opportunity for extra income?
While playing a well-known crossword-creation game online, I was amused, and perhaps slightly nauseated, when I looked at my available letters and saw "LINTPIE".
Although the thought of consuming such a concoction certainly killed my appetite, it brought to life a string of thoughts, so I LEPT IN and called a TIP LINE.
I had just stabbed my mouth with my fork, so I was suffering from TINE LIP and couldn't really carry on a conversation. Instead, I fastened a TILE PIN to my shirt and tried to start a campfire...but I couldn't get the PINE LIT.
I was going to burn my mortgage, but since I couldn't get the fire going, I just stood there and stared at a LIEN PIT.
Trying to redeem my time, I cleared my hair of louse eggs until I had a nice little NIT PILE.
The Who's very first single spent a mere two weeks on the March 1965 charts and only made it to Number 93.
Musically, it feels suspiciously like "You Really Got Me" by The Kinks (maybe because both songs were produced by the same guy). So much so, Dave Davies of The Kinks says that when he heard "I Can't Explain," he thought those "cheeky buggers" from The Who were copying them.
According to Songfacts.com: The Who guitarist Pete Townshend wrote this song when he was 18 years old. He described it as being about a guy who "can't tell his girlfriend he loves her because he's taken too many Dexedrine tablets."
And yet, Rolling Stone considers it the 371st greatest song of all time.
I can't explain why.
Beloved and I were spending a day with LittleMan and Goober (our two youngest grandchildren) and thought it would be a treat for the 2-year-old LittleMan to have a Happy Meal for lunch.
He was very excited to get his McNuggets, fries, and apple juice. Several fries and all the juice were quickly consumed, but the chicken nuggets seemed to hold no interest for him. Soon, he was just sitting there staring.
I asked, "Are you going to eat your chicken nuggets?"
He grabbed the remaining fries from his plate and set them on the table. Then, one by one, each McNugget was placed there, too.
LittleMan proudly proclaimed, "I all done!"
* * * * * * *
Honestly, I admire the confidence. Maybe I should try this as a diet plan.
Beloved and I had just enjoyed a south-of-the-border repast, paid our bill, and were caught up short when attempting to actually...you know...LEAVE the establishment.
Being unsure whether to trust American Express or Pepsi, this post has been uploaded from a small Mexican restaurant in Lakeville, Minnesota.
"Hey, Siri, what is Rolling Stone's 372nd greatest song of all time?"
"'Marquee Moon,' by Television."
"How high on the Billboard charts did it go?"
"'Marquee Moon,' by Television, was never released as a single and was never listed on any airplay or sales chart."
"Did Rolling Stone give any reason for why they put it on the Greatest Songs list?"
"Not at all. Here's the blurb they connected to it: "Marquee Moon" is Television's guitar epic, stretching out for ten minutes of urban paranoia. "I would play until something happened," Verlaine said."
As if "urban paranoia" wasn't enough to keep me from even listening to this, the first line of the oft-repeated chorus puts a kink in my colon:
Life in the hive puckered up my night
The nicest thought this brings to mind is that a bee accidentally sucked up lemonade instead of honey.
Ewww...
The television series Castle, though firmly set in New York City, was filmed in Los Angeles.
The Archies (a cartoon musical group created for a television show) had a huge hit with the song "Sugar Sugar," which was originally offered to The Monkees (a human musical group created for a television show).
From my GPS while driving in Las Vegas: "At the light, turn right on Mel Torme Way and then turn left onto Sammy Davis Junior Avenue."
Somehow, the word horrified ought to have something to do with prostitutes.
The hashtag symbol (#) is called an octothorpe.
The King of Hearts is the only king in the deck without a mustache.
A single strand of spaghetti is called a spaghetto.
Crows hold funerals and gather together to mourn the passing of dead crows. Kind of ironic, considering that a group of crows is called a murder.
Reindeer eyes turn blue in winter for better low-light vision.
Marco SansPolo (MSP), the relatively tiny, rat-like creature that passes for a dog in the Roth Haus, got uncharacteristically active the other day. He went all "My Ancestors Were Wolves!" on a pair of baby bunnies in our back yard.
One bunny was rendered bloody, immobile, and breathing in shallow gasps, leaving me the inglorious task of putting him out of his misery. The second seemed not so much injured as just frozen in fear.
When I bent down to give Bunny Number Two a closer look, she scampered away and, perhaps thinking it was a tunnel to a land devoid of giant bloggers, ran into an empty flower pot that was resting on its side. It was a small flower pot, but the rabbit kept working her legs as if still running away, even though her head was firmly pressed against the bottom of the flower pot.
That's when the single egg that hadn't been found by the grandkids on Easter popped out of the pot.
Beloved and I tried to be sad for the plight of the bunnies, but we couldn't stop laughing for a good two minutes.
Sam Cooke fiddled with the lyrics of the Herb Alpert/Lou Adler song, "Wonderful World," and created a huge hit.
He also admitted to being far from the sharpest pencil in the box:
I mean...instead of "Wonderful World," shouldn't it be titled "Imma Dunce"?
And having admitted all this ignorance, why would a young woman believe he has the insight and forethought to be able to say:
Then again, according to Rolling Stone, "Before it came out, Cooke liked to sing it for women he met, telling them he'd made it up on the spot just for them."
Maybe he's not as stupid as he's making himself out to be.
Real Headlines. Fake News.
U.S.Unexpectedly Loses 92,000 Jobs
In a press release, a spokesperson for the Labor Department said, "I put them right here and only turned my head away for a second!"
Millions Across Western Cuba Wake Up Without Power
Secretary of the Interior, Manuel Jose Hernandez: "¡Estoy tan cansado! ¡No tengo energía!"
Big Ten's Loaded Heavyweight Division Tests Gophers' Hopke
Minnesota freshman, Koy Hopke: "It will take everything I've got, but I'm gonna annihilate those fat drunks."
Massive Boom Heard from Ohio to Kentucky
Wow. That far, eh?
Maduro Asks Judge to Toss Drug Case
"Just throw it into the van there."
Man Accused of Killing Florida Woman with Hammer Faces Deportation
And yet, M.C. Hammer is still at large.
US and Iran Exchange Fire in Strait of Hormuz, Endangering Ceasefire
Um . . . pretty sure that firing at each other does more than just endanger the ceasefire, doesn't it? (Unless the fire they exchanged was sharing a match to light their cigars)
Bus and Pickup Truck Turn into House in South Minneapolis
A nearby man, dressed in a black suit with a cape and a tophat, is quoted as saying, "Presto Chango!"
Bill to Make Grooming a Crime Heading to Minnesota Senate Floor
Apparently, the state has had QUITE enough of all this hair-cutting and nail-trimming going on.
All it would take is a single typo to completely change some of the greatest musical acts of all time.
Would anybody pay money to hear:
