Phony P Words

Just a piddly pinch of Almost the Dictionary: The Almost the Truth™ Dictionary of What Words Ought to Actually Mean: A Lexicon for Parallel Thinkers.

Pace (n)  -  Someone really, really good at urinating

Pachouli (interjection)  -  The sound a hippie makes when sneezing

Pachyderm (v)  -  Preparing for a trip by putting extra skin in a suitcase

Palaces (pl n)  -  What a father ties his shoes on with

Panache (n)  -  Abdominal pain as a result of eating a large number of pancakes

PHD (acronym)  -  Pretty Hard to Decipher; doctoral degree related to handwriting

Procrastination (adj)  -  Being in favor of having one's country include Crast

Promulgate (n)  -  Scandal resulting from the illegal trafficking of mules-for-hire 

Propitious (n)  -  One who earns a living by being pitious

Pun (n)  -  In American football, a downfield kick that does not use a tee

Putting the EmPHAsis on the Right SylLAble

I realized something today that I never realized before.

Really.

The word "routine" is pronounced differently when it's used as an adjective than when it's used as a noun.

Behold...

"It's just a ROUtine investigation, ma'am."

"This job is so boring. It's the same rouTINE every day."

"Her figure skating career will never take off. She has such a ROUtine rouTINE."

And so, I began to wonder whether there were any other words like that.

Behold...

"There are a lot of interconnected parts in this group of buildings. It's a comPLEX COMplex."

"I'm satisfied with what's in this book. I'm conTENT with the CONtent."

"What a snob! There was no real emotion in that greeting at all. It was a HOLlow holLOW."

https://youtu.be/mvYY1zrC3BA

Standing in the Shadows of the 464th Greatest Song of All Time

There are two things about "Standing in the Shadows of Love" as recorded by The Four Tops in 1966:

     1.  I only know one line of the song: the one that contains the title.

     2.  For all these years, I've thought the word "shadows" was "shadow", so now I know that I never really knew the one line of the song I thought I knew, you know?

And that's a shame, because if you're looking for a song to help you whine about your lack of certainty in the longevity of the love you see...this is it:

Standing in the shadows of love

I'm getting ready for the heartaches to come

Can't you see me standing in the shadows of love

I'm getting ready for the heartaches to come

All alone I'm destined to be

With misery my only company

It may come today, and it might come tomorrow

But it's for sure I ain't got nothing but sorrow

Yes indeed, the mid-sixties were the perfect time for bouncy, happy love songs. "Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows..." ♫♪♫

Off the Mark O Words

An excerpt from Almost the Dictionary: The Almost the Truth™ Dictionary of What Words Ought to Actually Mean: A Lexicon for Parallel Thinkers.

Oakleaves (clause)  -  What an oak does when it is highly offended by the content of a conversation

OAR (acronym)  -  Oblong Aquatic Rearranger

Obfuscated (clause)  -  How Hans Brinker's friend, Obfu, got around in the winter

Obituary (n)  -  After January and February, the month with the most deaths

Objection (n)  -  In a court case, the point where damning evidence and desperation intersect

Obliterate (adj)  -  Having or showing knowledge of ob

Oblong (n)  -  Asian cousin of Obwan Kenobi

Oboes (n)  -  Least-appreciated instruments at mealtime; "Keep your oboes off the table!"

Obscene (n)  -  Any segment in Star Wars: A New Hope in which Alec Guinness' character appears

Obscure (n)  -  A method for treating a disease that no one ever contracts anymore