Restroom Rules for Men

Social conventions show up in some of the most unusual places.

Take public restrooms.

Please.

Guy Rule #1:
If there are three urinals and none of them are occupied, do NOT walk up to the middle one. Seriously, if someone comes in after you, you are forcing them to stand beside you, which is uncomfortable at best, and depending on the degree to which you did it on purpose, also has a decidedly-creepy vibe.

Guy Rule #2:
Unless you came into the restroom together, already involved in a life-altering discussion, do not talk to anyone.

Gal Correlative InfoBit:
For the male of the species, performing basic biological functions within the confines of a restroom is not deemed an opportunity for social interaction.

Incongruous Bow to Proper Manners:
The other day, I was sitting in Stall Number One at my current place of employment, taking care of business. Two stalls down, a co-worker was involved in a boisterous celebration of digestion involving loud gurglings, explosive passings of gas, and several plops, splashes, and kersplooshes.

During a short pause in the proceedings, the occupant of Stall Number Three quietly burped...and said, "Excuse me."

Seriously?

That's kind of like Hitler blasting London to rubble then coming into a drugstore, reaching past you to get some aspirin off the shelf, and saying, "Pardon me."