The 499th Greatest Song of All Time

I know what you're thinking.

"Okay, I understand why Dewey wrote about the 500th greatest song of all time, according to Rolling Stone's 2004 list, but do you mean to tell me he's going to go through the whole list one by one?"

Well...that remains to be seen.

But what I'm going to say at this point is that I totally understand why The Boys Are Back in Town, by the Irish group Thin Lizzy, is so far down the list.

But first, let us consider the song's composer and the lead singer for Thin Lizzy, Phil Lynott:

Does this guy look Irish to you? Whether you answer yes or whether you answer no, you're only half right. His mother was Irish, but his dad was a Brazilian sailor. Now THAT story might have made a great song. Why he wasted his time with feigned excitement about a bunch of guys coming back to town in the late spring of 1976...

Guess who just got back today

Them wild-eyed boys that have been away

Haven't changed, had much to say

But man, I still think them cats are crazy

They were askin' if you were around
How you was, where you could be found

Told 'em you were livin' downtown

Drivin' all the old men crazy

So I guess this song is being sung to some female that lives downtown and is a sexual tease to the older gentlemen there? Or maybe she's actually doing some kind of gaslighting experiment on them. Either way, he just told a gang of rabble-rousers where to find her!

The boys are back in town

(The boys are back in town)

I said the boys are back in town

(The boys are back in town)

The boys are back in town
(The boys are back in town)

The boys are back in town

(The boys are back in town)

Yeah, we GET it already!

You know that chick that used to dance a lot

Every night she'd be on the floor, shakin' what she got

Man when I tell you she was cool she was red hot

I mean, she was steamin'

So, I'm assuming the female being sung this song is NOT Phil's girlfriend. Because if she was...well...the word "was" is absolutely appropriate.

And skipping to the final verse...

Friday night they'll be dressed to kill

Down at Dino's Bar 'n' Grill

The drink will flow and blood will spill

And if the boys wanna fight, you better let 'em

For the record, this is not my idea of a fun night on the town. If there's any chance of my blood being spilled, I think I'd rather hang around at home. Furthermore...the possibility of the drink flowing and blood spilling getting confused with each other TOTALLY makes me want to avoid Dino's, you know?

Vampirism is a turn-off for me...call me picky.