A Bleeping Apology to My Children

I've been thinking about the language restrictions Beloved and I placed upon our four offspring when they were young, and I'm convinced we owe them an apology.

In their growing up years, AngelFace, BuckEye, ActorBoy, and KayJay were the children of a Professional Youth Minister, so the use of actual this-will-earn-an-R-rating language was never even up for discussion. Beloved and I didn't talk like that, and it was just assumed that neither would our children. And that's not really the kind of language restrictions I'm apologizing for.

The subject at hand is a little more...strange...than that.

It started fairly innocently. We outlawed the use of the word "stupid." Because it was most-often used as an adjective describing a sibling, it was way easier to do a blanket ban, rather than try to set up a decision tree on whether it would be appropriate in a given situation.

That was fine, but where we really went wrong was substituting our own words for bodily functions.

I didn't like the thought of looking at my sweet, innocent child's face as she stared into my eyes and then crudely announced, "I have to POOP." Something about it just seemed gross, so we came up with a substitute: "I have to go yucky."

Yes, I am well aware that we may have only made it worse.

To "yucky," add "let a poo-poo," "powder my nose," and "oopsy-doopsy," and you'll wonder how The Four RothChilds ever made it through high school.

Please forgive me, kids.