Friday, March 22, 2013

Almost the News XIX

Workshop at Five Sites Offers Parents Tips
"We knew if we wanted people to attend this all-day workshop," explains event coordinator, Jennie Dahlmer, "we would have to serve lunch. We were a little nervous when our supplier informed us they were all out of beef tips, but I think we've worked out a suitable alternative."

Women in Combat Spurs Draft Sign-Up Debate
Members of the National Organization for Women (NOW) have expressed mixed attitudes about this latest development in our nation's armed forces. Says one unofficial spokesperson, "It is only fitting and proper for women to be involved in planning the sign-up debate, but why do the media insist on commenting on their footwear? What possible difference should that make?!?"

N.Y. Woman Found Dead in Turkey
"I was already amazed at how large the bird was," said Brooklyn housewife, Freida Farnsworth, "but when I started pulling out the gizzards and found my neighbor in there...well, I nearly fainted."

SUV Driver Killed After Hitting Train
One vigilante was heard saying, "C'mon, boys, we can't let that SUV driver get away with assaulting the train!"

Farmer Must Stand Trial in Milk Case
As my good friend, SamWise, often says...some jokes just write themselves.

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