Yes...I realize this ad, photographed in a mode of public transportation, is really TWO ads that, through the rules of happenstance, have been partially destroyed to the point of them blending into each other...
...and creating an amazing mental image of tater designers building a poultry-powered vehicle that can be driven under the influence of hallucinogens.
It was 1979...maybe 1980. I managed the box office at the historic Embassy Theatre in downtown Fort Wayne, Indiana. Coming up on a particular evening was a one-man show featuring the works of James Thurber. The one man starring in said show was none other than William Windom...a name meaningless to most people under the age of 40...an awful lot of people over 40 can't quite place it either.
But make no mistake, William Windom was a real-life Hollywood quasi-big shot. In the Fifties and early Sixties, he appeared both on Broadway and in many television shows like Hallmark Hall of Fame and Twilight Zone. He is most well-known for his co-starring role with Inger Stevens in The Farmer's Daughter (Those who remember it at all remember the chair/escalator that ran along the stairs to the second floor of the house.) and his starring role as a cartoonist with a wild imagination in My World and Welcome to It.
If you're a fan of 1962's To Kill a Mockingbird, you have seen him go up against Gregory Peck's Atticus Finch in the courtroom.
In later years, he also had a recurring role in Murder She Wrote as Dr. Seth Hazlitt.
It was Windom's work in My World and Welcome to It that led to his one-man show and his arrival in the Summit City: Fort Wayne, Indiana.
Ticket sales were less than impressive, so in an attempt to get more tushes in the theatre's seats, we had arranged for a meet-and-greet with Mr. Windom at a high-end department store in Fort Wayne's largest mall. I was his only companion at the event...me and the supply of tickets I had on hand to sell to the fawning crowd.
There we were, sitting at a table not far from the fragrance counter, hoping people would wander by, recognize his face, and go, "Well, now that I've met the guy, I simply must buy some tickets to his show!"
About halfway through the afternoon, a high school classmate (named Andy Williams...#NoJoke) walked up to the table because he was excited to see ME. I kind of had to interrupt Andy in order to introduce him to Mr. William Windom. Andy heard my intro, looked at the Emmy-winning star and said to him, "Hey! Did you know that Dewey is a really good actor, too?"
I was grateful for the positive evaluation and all but seriously, I felt like hiding under the table.
It was like I had turned to Buddy Rich or Ringo Starr and proudly announced that I played the bass drum in my freshman marching band.
For 14 weeks in the late summer and early fall of 1967, Bobbie Gentry's Ode to Billie Joe climbed the charts to number one and dominated the talk around water coolers, gym lockers, and sewing circles across the country:
Here we are, almost 57 years later, and our researchers at Almost the Truth are pleased to announce the answers to all these questions raised by the 412th greatest song of all time.
Was it really the family's daughter that was seen with Billie Joe, throwing something off the Tallahatchie bridge?
Yes. Yes it was.
What were they throwing?
Something.
What were the two of them talking about after church last Sunday?
A personal matter.
Why did Bille Joe MacAllister jump off the bridge?
He wanted to die.
See? It wasn't so all-fire mysterious.
Real Headlines. Fake News.
Charges Filed Over Stolen Tax Returns
State Attorney Lokk M. Allup said, "It was an elaborate set-up involving pulleys and hydraulic lifts, but we were able to file the charges in the exact location we wanted."
Record-Breaking Coho Salmon Caught
"The slippery devil smashed all my Beatles albums! But we've got him now!"
Moderate Republicans Bring Down Jim Jordan
Yeah, they don't do anything for MY mood, either.
Superintendent Finalists 'Very Strong'
School board member, A. Roma Picky, says, "I can smell them from across town."
Author Drew on Seedy People from Childhood
Starting at the age of 7, Vincent Patrick practiced his limited artistic skills on the arms and faces of the ne-er-do-wells in his neighborhood. A local art critic has been quoted as saying it was "a blessing he turned to writing. His sense of perspective was abysmal."
Scientist in Hawaii Was Cloning Pioneer
Mac A. Damian died recently while on the verge of a breakthrough in his efforts to genetically copy Daniel Boone.
MN Man's Body Recovered from WI Lake; 1 Still Missing
Sheriff Brody stated: "That lake was right here a minute ago, but now...?"
Lake Elmo Drops Its City Administrator
File Under: Some jokes just write themselves
I have a hard enough time deciding on what to eat at a new restaurant. Imagine my dismay when met with the choices available at the home of this sign:
Way back in 1956, a little motion picture aspired to be "the rockingest, rollingest shindig" anyone had ever seen. So they filled the cast with a truckload of music stars...not the least of which was Little Richard. They even got him to sing the title song.
With a title like The Girl Can't Help It, the natural question to ask is, "What can't she help?" The song lyric supplies the answer:
The girl being sung about is Jayne Mansfield, well-known for being well-endowed. In fact, to include her complete figure in the frame, they had to film the whole movie in CinemaScope.
That's a lotta girl...but she can't help it.
Ron Howard has included the place of conception in the names of his children (e.g., Bryce Dallas Howard)
The producers of Golden Girls wanted Betty White to take the role of senior citizen sex kitten, Blanche, but she refused, giving life to the dim-witted Rose instead. White said that Blanche would have been too much like her previous TV role, Sue Anne Nivens, on Mary Tyler Moore.
At the end of every episode of Glenn Campbell's television variety show, he said, "Keep the latch string out and the dog tied up, 'cause I'm coming home!"
Jerry Garcia (from the Grateful Dead) played the pedal steel guitar for Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young's "Teach Your Children".
Disney should make A Frozen Christmas Carol. Here's the tagline for it: With Elsa as the Ghost of Christmas Future, the phrase "cold as hell" becomes literally accurate.
The Chinese word for "crisis" is comprised of the symbols for "dangerous" and "opportunity".
Debrief = The opposite of a wedgie
♪♫ Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Does whatever a spider can. Spins a web any size. Catches thieves just like flies. Look out! Here comes the Spider-Man. Is he strong? Listen, bud, he's got radioactive blood. Can he swing from a thread? Take a look overhead. Hey there! There goes the Spider-Man! In the chill of night at the scene of a crime, like a streak of light, he arrives just in time. Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man! Welcomed, then he's ignored. Action is his reward. To him, life is a great big hang-up. Wherever there's a bang-up, you'll find the Spider-Man!♫♪
Gag Reel:
I used Bing's AI creative chat feature to create the above graphic of Elsa and Scrooge McDuck, but here's its first attempt:
And then I asked it to make Elsa look more threatening and Holy Farnsworth!
