Nuthin' Butta G String

 

We have arrived at number 419 on Rolling Stone magazine's list of the 500 greatest songs of all time...Dr Dre's "Nothin But a G Thang"...and I am at a loss.

Not only have I never heard it, but when I looked up the lyric I was embarrassed to read it.

So I punted. I went to ChatGPT for help.

This is the instruction I gave: Using no words normally considered vulgar, write a humorous parody of "Nuthin but a G Thang" titled "Nuthin but a G String".

And this, you lucky reader, is what it delivered. (I seriously should just give up this whole humor blog gig and let the machines take over.)

(Verse 1)

Just me and my tiny string,

Loungin' by the pool, doin' my thing.

Rockin' that itty-bitty bikini,

Ain't no fabric here, just pure genie.

Chillin' like a popsicle, so bold,

Got sunscreen on, I'm in control.

My tan lines, they're gonna be weird,

But who cares? I'm the beachfront pioneer.

(Chorus)

It's nuthin' but a G string, baby,

Livin' life like I'm a beachside lady.

Soak up the sun, feel the breeze,

With my mini swimsuit, I aim to please.

(Verse 2)

Got my shades on, I'm feelin' fly,

Passin' by, heads turn as I stroll by.

Sand in places where it shouldn't be,

But fashion's pain, can't you see?

Wave crashes, water's cool,

Rockin' this G string, I break the pool's rules.

My dance moves might be quite risqué,

But I'm ownin' it, in my own way.

(Chorus)

It's nuthin' but a G string, baby,

Livin' life like I'm a beachside lady.

Soak up the sun, feel the breeze,

With my mini swimsuit, I aim to please.

(Bridge)

Gonna pose for selfies, make 'em stare,

G string life, without a care.

Takin' on the world, one step at a time,

In my itsy-bitsy fashion, I'm in my prime.

(Verse 3)

Sun's settin' low, day's almost done,

Gotta admit, this was quite fun.

No judgment here, just good vibes,

In my G string, my spirit thrives.

A parody of life, a comedy scene,

In this small string, I'm feelin' queen.

So let's embrace the absurdity,

In my G string world, I'm livin' free.

(Chorus)

It's nuthin' but a G string, baby,

Livin' life like I'm a beachside lady.

Soak up the sun, feel the breeze,

With my mini swimsuit, I aim to please.

(Outro)

Nuthin' but a G string, that's the tale,

Laugh with me, let's set sail.

In this world of fashion so zany,

I'll be rockin' my G string, forever crazy.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

The matrix just may be real, man.

Almost the News XXVII

 

Flooey Lewis & the NotNews

Student Debt Ruling Likely Within Days
It probably won't be long before student debt is in charge of everything.

India Offers Its Tech for the Masses
This is a surprising development in a country where only 2.3% of the population is Christian.

Spurs Open Arms Wide for Wemby
[Editor's Note: This kind of graphic, cowboy-themed self-mutilation shouldn't even be IN the newspaper.]

Anoka Co. City Seeks Mayoral Candidates
Spokesperson for the League of Women Voters, Sheila Votah, exclaimed, "We were just getting ready for the debate, looked around, and they were gone!"

Dodgers Rout Rangers With Five Homers
A recent race between Ram lovers and Ford aficionados came out in favor of the Dodge owners: Homer Bailey, Homer Laughlin, Homer Highwater, Homer Randolph, and Homer Simpson.

Bus Snarls to Keep Louisville Schools Closed
In a press release, school superintendent Siddown N. B. Kwyatt says, "I had no idea a bus could even make that kind of sound."

Rural Community Needs a Savior for Their Church
Um...isn't that what Jesus is for?

Observed Absurdities™ 62 - How Much Is a Slap on the Wrist Worth?

 

Beloved and I were shuffling through the security checkpoint line at the airport. (Not that we were preparing to deal cards to anyone, but it helped to pass the time.)

One of the informational signs posted along our journey caught my attention:

I understand the need to financially punish anyone attempting to smuggle a firearm onto a commercial flight. They need to be taught a lesson about the delicate balance between public safety and the right to arm bears.

But I've got a question: Why $14, 950? Did the TSA think, "Well, the fine has to be substantial enough to sting, but $15,000 just seems a bit of an overreach, don't you think?"

As if Kohls can trick me into thinking a shirt that costs $29.95 is a buck cheaper than one that costs $30.

Admission of Guilt: The 420th Greatest Song of All Time

 

"In 1969, the Isleys fled Motown and revived their own T-Neck Records, where they unleashed the free-will funk of "It's Your Thing." It became their biggest hit and earned a lawsuit from Berry Gordy, who claimed he owned the song." (Rolling Stone, 9 Dec 2004)

That's all Rolling Stone magazine had to say about the 420th greatest song of all time.

What they didn't say is that the lawsuit lasted 18 years.

All I'VE got to say is that, with a title like "It's Your Thing," maybe The Isley Brothers were admitting that Mr. Gordy was correct.