How to Void a Check

 

At my current place of employment, one of my co-workers recently asked our small group of technical writers whether anyone was working on a user guide that included instructions on how to void a check.

After having explained to the barely-walking toddler (my co-worker) what was being referred to by the antiquated term, "check," I proceeded to quickly write up a write-up of how to check off the task of sending a check off to the land of Sorry-I-Ever-Wrote-You.

• Step One: Gain possession of the highly-formatted piece of paper designated as a check.
• Step Two: Gaze at the check in disdain and disappointment.
• Step Three: Acquire an ink-based writing implement.
• Step Four: Manually apply pressure from your hand through the writing implement to create a trail of ink across the face of the check, spelling the word, "VOID."
• Step Five: Expel the word "whatever" through barely-parted lips.

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And now you know why they pay me the big bucks.

The 422nd Greatest Song of All Time: The Earliest Trans Anthem?

 

When I saw "Lola" on the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time list, I thought, "Finally! A song I've actually heard before! It's been a while!"

But then I read the lyrics and wondered how I ever lah-lah-lahed along to the chorus without realizing what the song was about.

The final chorus is innocent enough:

Well I'm not the world's most masculine man

But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man

And so is Lola

La-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

A person can read that and think, "How wonderful. Lola is glad the singer is a man."

But wait.

You need to listen to some earlier verses to understand that you've just misinterpreted those words.

Well I'm not the world's most physical guy

But when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine

Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand

Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man

She picked me up and sat me on her knee

And said little boy won't you come home with me

Girls will be boys and boys will be girls

Are you understanding now? When the lead singer for the Kinks says "I'm glad I'm a man and so is Lola," he means that Lola is a man, too.

According to Songfacts.com, Ray Davies revealed to Q magazine in a 2016 interview: "The song came out of an experience in a club in Paris. I was dancing with this beautiful blonde, then we went out into the daylight and I saw her stubble."

I hate when that happens.

Who NEEDS Me?

 

From January 1962 until June 1979, I grew up on a 40-acre plot of land called Hilltop Farm, located three-and-a-half miles north of Uniondale, Indiana.

For as long as I can remember, there have been 311 people living in Uniondale, located on a curve of U.S. 224 in northern Wells County, nestled close to the grain elevator by the railroad tracks...

Welcome to Uniondale, Indiana, the town so small it makes a hobbit hole look like a mansion. If you're looking for a place where everyone knows everyone else's business (whether they want to or not), you've found it!

But don't let the size of this town fool you. Uniondale may be small, but it's full of surprises. For instance, did you know that the town's annual corn festival is actually a front for a secret society of corn enthusiasts? It's true! They meet in an underground bunker beneath the festival grounds to discuss the merits of different corn breeds and trade kernels like they're precious gems.

And if you're looking for excitement, look no further than Uniondale's famous "traffic jam" - a daily occurrence where the two cars in town both try to use the same road at the same time. It's a sight to behold!

But despite its quirks, Uniondale is a charming little town with a lot of heart. The locals are friendly (some might say a little too friendly), and there's always something going on. So if you're ever passing through, be sure to stop and say hi. Who knows? You might just end up staying a while...whether you want to or not.

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Now the thing is, everything between the picture and the row of asterisks was written by ChatGPT as a response to my statement, "Write a short humorous blog post about Uniondale, Indiana."

I am increasingly becoming unnecessary.

Dewey/Debbie Joined Their Hearts, It's Grand

 

Forty-four years ago today
Beloved and I said, "Okay"
What it really was was, "Yes, I do
I only wanna be with you."
So let me introduce to you
The two who've been one all these years
Dewey/Debbie Joined Their Hearts, It's Grand

When Dewey/Debbie Joined Their Hearts, It's Grand
Though sometimes, the going got rough
Dewey/Debbie Joined Their Hearts, It's Grand
But Jesus helped, and that's enough
Dewey/Debbie Joined Their, Dewey/Debbie Joined Their
Dewey/Debbie Joined Their Hearts, It's Grand

It's wonderful to be here
Although the trip's been long
Good and bad have both been had
There's no real reason to be sad
'Cause now we sing this song

Well, we're never gonna stop the show
But I thought you might like to know
It's not always rainbows and wine
But all in all, we get along just fine
So let me introduce to you
In love for forty-four short years
Dewey/Debbie Joined Their Hearts, It's Grand

Blew Swayed Shoos

 

According to the 423rd greatest song of all time, there are a lot of terrible things that are still not as bad as scuffing a person's blue suede shoes.

Carl Perkins gives the listener permission to:

• Knock me down
• Step on my face
• Slander my name all over the place
• Burn my house
• Steal my car
• Drink my liquor from an old fruit jar

However...

...don't you DARE put the bottom of your shoe on the top of his.

It's the kind of down-home, dirt-lane, farm-boy, song that should have been written on a potato sack.

Oh but wait...

...it was! #TrueTruth

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Fun Fact: I had a pair of BROWN suede shoes once. Stupid purchase if you care about your shoes looking clean.

Just sayin'.