This Song You Keep Singing...I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

Just because you really like a song and it makes you feel a certain way doesn't mean the song means what you think it means.

Know what I mean?

Case in point, "Running on Empty" by Jackson Browne. According to Rolling Stone, it's the 492nd greatest song of all time.

I would personally put it higher on the list (which would give it a lower number, if I'm not confusing you). I mean, I even wrote about this particular song in my inspirational blog, Truth Is.... (Honest! I really did. Click here to read it.)

Lyrics like "Gotta do what you can just to keep your love alive / Trying not to confuse it with what you do to survive" really make it seem like the song is an important coming-of-age artistic expression.

And then I go and read Rolling Stone's write-up:

The track was actually written when Browne was driving back and forth to the studio each day to make The Pretender. "I was always driving around with no gas in the car," he said. "I just never bothered to fill up the tank because -- how far was it anyway? Just a few blocks."

Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar.

Musical Gas Pumps

Some people will do practically anything to make their work situation more fun.

I am some people.

At the FastStop convenience store/gas station/cigarette emporium I work at part-time, when authorizing the pumping of fuel without the use of a payment card at said pump, my co-workers are satisfied with a quick, bland, and boring "Go ahead, Pump 4," or "Pump 5, you're cleared for inside payment."

To which I say, "Zzzzzz...."

When the mic is in my control, all heaven breaks loose.

(a la "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes")

They

Asked me how I knew

You were on Pump 2

Ohhhhhhh

I of course replied

When you come inside

To pay me what is due

(Toni Basil's "Hey Mickey")

Hey Pump 9

You're so fine

See you in the checkout line

Pump 9!

Oooooh Pump 9!

("Cheek to Cheek" and in a French accent)

Seven

You're on Pump 7

Please come inside to pay when you are done

To drive away would not be too much fun

The rest of your life would be spent on the run

("Fun Fun Fun")

And we'll have

Fun on Pump 1

If you come inside to pay

("Goodnight Sweetheart")

Hello Pump 12 well it's time for fuel

Doo doo-n-doo doo

You chose FastStop which proves that you're no fool

Doo doo-n-doo

I'd hate to chase you down

Just for some dough

So come inside

To pay

Before you go

("Let It Snow")

Ohhhhhhh

The weather at Pump 3 is frightful

But you chose FastStop, that's delightful

I've got one more thing to say

Don't forget

To come in-

Side to pay

Observed Absurdities™ 45 - Not Sure What This Is Saying

I know it's probably hard to believe, but sometimes even I get confused.

I was in a local restaurant's restroom...minding my own business...when I was confronted at the towel dispenser with this symbol.

I think it's probably meant to tell me to wave my hand in front of the towel dispenser in order to get the towel dispenser to dispense towels, but there are other possibilities:

• Hi, there!
• Talk to the hand, 'cause the face don't understand.
• High five!
• The hand is being pulled back in a slingshot and is about to be released.
• For audio instructions, place palm here.
• Greetings, Earthling. I come in peace.

And Then He Assaulted Me

In July of 1963, the #MeToo movement wasn't even a shadow of a consideration of a possibility of a thought.

Not that sexual harassment and assault wasn't happening in 1963. It was happening, but according to the 493rd greatest song of all time, "Then He Kissed Me," it was "a consummation devoutly to be wished."

I know, I know...that Shakespearean quote is 1) out of context, and 2) too literal to be used in this age of political correctness and sensitivity.

But check it out. This whole song is the story of a girl being absolutely giddy about being approached by a good-looking stranger and then overcome by the romance of the dancing and the stars.

Observe verse one:

Well, he walked up to me and he asked me if I wanted to dance

He looked kinda nice and so I said I might take a chance

When we danced he held me tight

And when he walked me home that night

All the stars were shining bright

And then he kissed me

Verse two is an example of the dangers of combining Stockholm Syndrome, a lack of creativity ("didn't know just what to do"), and verbal catchphrases:

Each time I saw him I couldn't wait to see him again.

I wanted to let him know that he was more than a friend.

I didn't know just what to do

So I whispered I love you

And he said that he loved me too

And then he kissed me

According to the song's bridge, this fella had skills, though:

He kissed me in a way

that I've never been kissed before

He kissed me in a way

that I wanna be kissed forevermore

Then the third verse ends the tale with an example of the sad, sad truth that men will pretend love in order to get sex, and women will give sex in order to get love:

I knew that he was mine so I gave him all the love that I had

And one day he took me home to meet his mom and his dad

Then he asked me to be his bride

And always be right by his side

I felt so happy I almost cried

And then he kissed me

But hey, it's got a good beat and it's easy to dance to. [Holds fingers in ears and chants "La la la! I can't hear you!"]