My Barista Knows Bupkes About History

Caribou Coffee owes me ten cents.

I don't know about the overpriced, oh-so-precious coffee emporium you frequent, but here in the Bold North, Caribou Coffee locations post a daily trivia question that, if you answer correctly, gets you ten cents off your overpriced, oh-so-precious coffee. The question they were asking the last time I went in for my Hot Apple Blast ended up raising my hackles:

"How many U.S. presidents signed the Declaration of Independence?"

If you're like me, well, first off, you should enlist a team of prayer warriors to lift you up before The Throne. But secondly, if you're like me, your first thought at reading that question is "Zero. There were no U.S. presidents in existence to be able to sign the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776."

The thing is, zero was not one of the choices for this multiple choice question.

When I explained this deficiency in the question to my barista, she first expressed confusion and then assured me the answer was two: Thomas Jefferson and John Adams.

When I informed her that they were not U.S. presidents at the time of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, she said, "Well, the question doesn't say they had to actually be president when they signed it."

I gave up, forced a laugh, picked up my drink, walked to my car, shook my head, and thought, "With that logic, they could have asked 'How many dead people signed the Declaration of Independence?' and the answer would be 'All of them'."

It's a good thing I'm not a stickler for things like this.

Really...I'm not.

Not Feeling Like Myself Lately

You see, doctor, I've been thinking about my true identity for years now. People say, "Be yourself! Be yourself!" but who IS that? I mean...really.

"Well, the 'About Me' section of your blogger profile says that you're a former pizza-maker, McDonald's crewmember, disc jockey, actor, Tupperware dealer, box office manager, youth minister, substitute teacher, proofreader, and technical writer."

But that's really just a list of things I've DONE. That's not who I really AM.

"That's true."

So anyway, I decided to approach the fountain of all knowledge.

"God?"

No, Google.

"Same difference."

Whatever. So I did a search on my name, but then I REALLY got confused!

"How so?"

Well, according to the Social Security Administration, I'm not even ALIVE! And not only that, I was born in the 19th Century! So there's no NEED for me to wonder about who I am, because I'm not even here right now. Here! Look at this!

"You realize I'm still going to charge you for this session, right?"

SweetCheeks and the Funny Hunger

We had SweetCheeks for an impromptu overnighter not very long ago. As per usual, she woke up for her day of snuggling Marco SansPolo at about the same time I woke up for my day of pretending to accomplish things for DocumentCzar from my home office.

So, at 6:30 AM, we sat together at the dining room table; she with her SnapCracklePop and me with my TwoScoopsOfRaisinsInEveryBox.

Flash forward three-and-a-half hours. Beloved has now arisen for her day of changing the closet to spring and summer. She and SweetCheeks are in the kitchen together, and I hear SweetCheeks winsomely whine, "Gramma? I'm hungry."

BELOVED: Yeah, I guess you didn't eat very much for breakfast, did you?

SWEETCHEEKS: Can I have something to eat?

BELOVED: What would you like?

SWEETCHEEKS: Can I have lunch?

Maybe this falls into the category of "You Had To Be There", but my laughter rattled the toy teacups.

I Married a Winner

I've got to brag about my Beloved just a bit. Not only has she proven to be brave, daring, and unrelenting in her stick-to-it-iveness by remaining married to me for almost 4 decades now, but every once in a while she actually pulls off a witty statement that makes me laugh.

We needed to pick up some prescriptions and decided to use the drive-through pharmacy service at our local drugstore. We pulled around to the back of the building and there were two lanes: one marked "Drop-Offs" and the other "Full Service".

Without missing a beat, Beloved said, "Full service? Are they going to check the oil and wash our windshield?"

Yeah...I think I'll keep her.