Suffering at Subway

[Too lazy to read this? Watch ME read it below, or by clicking HERE.]

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I was on assignment to get a salad from Subway for Beloved. I was uncharacteristically confident, as I had successfully completed identical assignments in the past.

I know the saying is "Curiosity killed the cat," but I'm thinking maybe it should be "Confidence."

The first bump in the road was walking into Subway and finding there were five people in line already. It is at times like that when you realize Subway should NOT be listed as "fast food".

Seriously.

What with people who have NO IDEA what kind of sandwich they want...even though they've been standing in line for a half hour...and Sandwich Artists who need to hear things three times before their brain sends any messages to their hands, five people in line in front of you translates to roughly 90 minutes before you're given a chance to repeat your order three times to the pimply-faced sloth that Corporate has entrusted a knife to.

Since I had some extra time, I started perusing the menu board and noticed something I had never seen before...

"Make any 6" sub a salad: $1.75 additional"

And I'm thinking to myself, "What the farnsworth? The only difference between a six-inch sub and a Subway salad is the absence of a bun and the presence of an extra handful of lettuce. If anything, a salad should cost LESS...unless, of course, a handful of lettuce costs twice what six inches of bread does."

I whined about this on Facebook...no wait...I offered this up as a discussion topic on Facebook and one of my so-called friends suggested the upcharge was because of the extra labor involved in creating a salad. And it's true, the Sandwich Artist/Sloth (SAS) does take the time to manually chop the meat and cheese before tossing the lettuce and other pre-chopped veggies into a bowl. But does the SAS get paid more for doing it? Does Subway Corporate actually incur more expenses because of it? 

I. Think. Not.

No. We all know the real reason for charging more is BECAUSE THEY CAN. The Powers That Be have conditioned the yearning masses to think that eating healthily will naturally cost more. It goes along with the whole warped and evil idea that we must suffer in order to deserve something good.

SUFFER	SOMETHING GOOD
Pay More	Better Health
Behave Properly	Heaven
Five Months of Minnesota Winter	Two weeks of perfectly warm days and cool evenings in September

Oh...and if we're still talking about eating healthily, let's not forget that most of it tastes like a dusty cardboard box somebody found in their grandmother's attic.

Under a damp blanket from when the roof leaked.

Or was that a squirrel that leaked?

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