Friday, October 26, 2018

The 496th Greatest Song of All Time: I'm Missing the Attraction


Aaaaand we continue our run-through of the 500 greatest songs of all time, according to Rolling Stone magazine, with a little number that is the exception to the rule that says music from the 70's is all pretty good.

The Rolling Stones have 14 songs on the list, but this is the lowest-ranked of them all...almost didn't make the list...practically missed it...har, har, har.

And you see...the thing is...I'm not sure "Miss You" qualifies as a song at all. It's the same chords and melody repeated over and over and the only thing that almost passes for a chorus is "oohing" the melody of the verse.



Then again, I suppose any band that can create a number one hit out of words like "Hey, what's the matter man? We're gonna come around at twelve with some Puerto Rican girls that are just dyin' to meet you. We're gonna bring a case of wine. Hey, let's go mess and fool around, you know, like we used to" deserves a little bit of respect.

Friday, October 19, 2018

4 Things People Should Totally Stop Saying


I have long held, and been slightly proud of, the title of GrammarNazi. Most of my living is made by fighting the evil forces of sloppy dangling participles and superfluous commas and apostrophes.



However...

My battle for truth, justice, and correct punctuation does not stop with the written word. I can be just as annoyingly picky with the way some people talk.

In an effort to make the world a better place, here's a short list of words and phrases that should cease to exist immediately.

These Ones  -  "Are you talking about these ones?" In this context, the word "ones" is totally unnecessary. "These" is all it takes to indicate what you're talking about. The same goes for "those ones" and "that one", by the way. Now, if you want to replace, "ones" with the actual-factual name of the object you're discussing...as in, "Are you talking about these fruit-flavored, chewable globs of high-fructose corn syrup?"...I'm all in favor of that.

I'm Good  -  I've spouted off about this before (you can read the aforementioned spouting by clicking HERE), but it has become persistent and irritating enough for me to go into Nagging Mode.

Have a Good One  -  A good what? A good day? A good nap? "I've got these ones here; some are caramel-filled and some are coconut. Have one. In fact, have a good one...which of course would be a caramel-filled one."

I Could Care Less  -  If you're choosing to express a modicum of concern about something without indicating any exuberance whatsoever, then have at it with this phrase. For example, if someone asks whether you think Sprite or 7-Up is better, you might have an opinion but still not think it's a very important subject. In that case, you might rightly say, "I could care less, so I guess I'll say 7-Up is better." But you and I both know that when most people say "I could care less," what they really mean is, "I couldn't care less. This subject holds no interest for me whatsoever." (You know, the way most people are feeling about this particular blog post right about now.)

Friday, October 12, 2018

Observed Absurdities™ 40 - Does Disney Own EVERYTHING Now?


I was grocery shopping with Beloved the other day. (Translation: Beloved was shopping the other day and I was pushing the cart behind her and trying not to hit her heels.)

We successfully negotiated past the aisle-blocking displays of uniquely-shaped blobs of high-fructose corn syrup and arrived in the produce section. I was caught off guard by a particular brand of grapes, but managed to get this photo.



While I applaud the effort of the grape industry to entice preteen girls to add more fruit to their diets...I just don't get the connection. What is remotely grape-like about a Disney princess?

And really...do we want to associate any kind of foodstuff with an image of someone combing their hair with a fork?

Friday, October 5, 2018

The 497th Greatest Song of All Time: Mixed Metaphor


I had to look up this entry in the list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. It was released in August of 1994, putting it WAY past my last pop album purchase: The Stranger, by Billy Joel (1981).

I'm glad I took the trouble though because it's got a nice beat and is easy to dance to...and the video they made is mega-clever.



When in doubt about how to get your song noticed, just drop in some pop culture references and make a video based on a twenty-year-old television sitcom based on stereotypes from twenty years before that.

However...

While recreating Happy Days makes sense because of the song's chorus about Buddy Holly and Mary Tyler Moore, it gets kinda stuh-range with verse lyrics like this:


What's with these homies, dissing my girl?
Why do they gotta front?

Are we sure this song isn't really by Run DMC?

In addition, I'm pretty confident they're singing about Rocky Balboa here:


Your tongue is twisted, your eyes are slit


And for the record, I know Weezer is probably referencing some movie or TV show or SOMEthing here, but I'm out of the loop:


Bang, bang a knock on the door
Another big bang and you're down on the floor
Oh no! What do we do?
Don't look now but I lost my shoe
I can't run and I can't kick
What's the matter babe are you feeling sick?

Quick! Go back to the fun-loving chorus!


Oo-ee-oo I look just like Buddy Holly
Oh-oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore
I don't care what they say about us anyway
I don't care 'bout that
I don't care 'bout that
I don't care 'bout that
I don't care 'bout that

I get it. I Get It! I GET IT!