Friday, September 29, 2017

Observed Absurdities™ 32 - Disaster Steps


I don't know who designed this carpet or who decided to use it for these stairs, but I want to apologize to anyone who is vulnerable to seizures.



And I'm thinking there ought to be a big, fluffy pillow at the bottom, with a MedAlert button to push.

Friday, September 22, 2017

#RuinTheBeatlesByOneLetter


Drop it, add it, or change it...do SOMEthing with one letter to ruin a Beatles song.




Across Thy Universe
Wait! This doesn't ruin it; just changes it into a hymn.

A Day Is The Life
The sad tale of a baby that only lived 24 hours

Lackbird
Just doesn't quite have everything it needs

Can't Buoy Me Love
I've got a sinking feeling about this relationship.

Chins
"Chins...my baby's got a whole lotta chins"

Day Stripper
Not as many tips before dark

Do You Want To Know A Secrete
I need a sanitary wipe, please.

Faxing A Hole
A celebration of office pranks

Cello Goodbye
No more orchestral music!

Hey Nude
Talking to the artist's model is rude.

I'm A Laser
"...and I'm shooting from a spaceman's gun."

Lovely Brita
My water is so pure now!

Magical Mystery Sour
You never know what flavor you'll get.

Norwegian Hood
Jah! Yust be given me yer doh, dair.

Nowhere Mane
Bald lions are so sad looking.

Penny Line





Please Lease Me
...for 50 bucks an hour.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Bland
Ho hum.

She Loved You
Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bile
This song gives me heartburn.

The Long and Winding Toad
Hop to your own joke, if you really needit-needit.

Twist and Shoot
Not to be confused with "Pivot and Pull the Trigger"

We Can't Work It Out
Give up all hope.

With a Little Kelp From My Friends
"I'm fixing a salad that no one will like..."


Friday, September 15, 2017

Pictures Inappropriate For History Books!


Look over your shoulder before you look at these historic pics! Let there be no doubt about it...you'll never see any of these pictures published publicly except for right here and right now.


The guy in the lower right with the white hair is my great-grandfather, the coopersmith who came to the U.S. from Germany. Rumor has it that the twinkle in his eye is because he just let one rip.

Sexual harassment by SweetCheeks!

KayJay, ActorBoy, and AngelFace: Obviously members of a bee-worshiping cult

First Grade held no excitement for me.

SkittleKid's mind is blown by the thought that the cute little kid in the previous picture could have become the brute he's riding on.

Too. Much. Hair.

So. Little. Hair. (Except for that guy in the middle...sheesh.)

Proving once again that it IS possible to have too much of a good thing.


Friday, September 8, 2017

#I'mSoOutOfIt


...I think Game of Thrones has something to do with multiple toilets

...when I hear muffin top, my mouth waters and I look for some butter

...by the time I get to the store with a coupon for grapes, I have to use it on raisins

...I'm doing bird imitations when I tweet

...when someone mentions Taylor Swift, I think, "Good. I need my suit altered pronto."



...I'm pretty sure a cell phone is what people in jail use to call their lawyers

...I think sick actually means something or someone is not well

...the answering machine for my dial phone uses a cassette tape

Friday, September 1, 2017

The ABCs of What to Write When You Don't Know What to Write


There you sit, having committed to posting SOMEthing every Friday morning. But what do you do when you've just...got...nothing?



You've got to Accept the Beautiful Challenge of Doing Everything you've promised to do. Failure is not an option.

Good Healthy Humor Is Infinitely Justified.

Keep Learning, Moron.

Never Oppose Personal Quality.

Religiously Seek To Undermine Very Wimpy Xylophonists. Yes! Zealously!