Friday, February 24, 2012

Almost the News XV

Author Will Speak to Monthly Lunch
"It's like this," said Michele Hermansen, author of Unexpected Journeys, "When a person only eats a mid-day meal once a month, you kind of want to get to know it a little first."

Man Makes Plea in Beer-Dumping Case
To be specific, the man said, "PLEASE dump that case of beer in my fridge!"

Al-Maliki Bars Breakaway Provinces
The newest chocolate sensation is so popular, pieces of Canada are falling into the ocean.

Elephant Poaching Worst On Record
Johnny W. Muller, regular patron at Dumbo's Diner: "I've been coming here for over a decade and I mean to tell you...I've never had eggs this bad before!"

Ex-leader's Spouse Wins Czech Asylum
The husband of jailed Ukrainian opposition leader Yulia Tymoshenko got the big prize in a recent raffle, and is quoted as saying, "I am likink the building, but what am I supposed to do whit all the crazy peoples livink dair?"

School Aide Gets Jail for Sex with Student, 16
You would think the aide would have gotten a motel room or something. The jail is an odd locale for that kind of activity.

Obama to Return Cash Tied to Mexican Fugitive
Seriously...if I have to explain why this headline made me pee a little, I'm not sure you should be reading this blog.

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