Almost the News XV

Author Will Speak to Monthly Lunch
"It's like this," said Michele Hermansen, author of Unexpected Journeys, "When a person only eats a mid-day meal once a month, you kind of want to get to know it a little first."

Man Makes Plea in Beer-Dumping Case

To be specific, the man said, "PLEASE dump that case of beer in my fridge!"

Al-Maliki Bars Breakaway Provinces

The newest chocolate sensation is so popular, pieces of Canada are falling into the ocean.

Elephant Poaching Worst On Record

Johnny W. Muller, a regular patron at Dumbo's Diner: "I've been coming here for over a decade and I mean to tell you...I've never had eggs this bad before!"

Ex-leader's Spouse Wins Czech Asylum

The husband of jailed Ukrainian opposition leader Yulia Tymoshenko got the big prize in a recent raffle, and is quoted as saying, "I am likink the building, but what am I supposed to do whit all the crazy peoples livink dair?"

School Aide Gets Jail for Sex with Student, 16

You would think the aide would have gotten a motel room or something. The jail is an odd locale for that kind of activity.

Obama to Return Cash Tied to Mexican Fugitive

Seriously...if I have to explain why this headline made me pee a little, I'm not sure you should be reading this blog.