Ewww Child: The 392nd Greatest Song

 

I admit to having a fondness for the 392nd-greatest song of all time, "O-o-h Child" by the Five Stairsteps. This family group of 4 brothers and one sister had a Top 40 hit on their hands that was "uplifting and encouraging."

And the lyric rang with hope:

Ooh child

Things are gonna be easier

Ooh child

Things'll be brighter

The song certainly made things easier for the singers, because that simple 4-line chorus was sung six times, comprising 50% of the song.

And the song certainly made it easy for the musicians, too, because the chord progression and basic melody of those 4 lines comprised 100% of the song!

No joke: When they moved on from singing "Ooh child, things...," they kept the same structure and sang, "Some day, we'll get it together..."

Then finally, for the repeated coda, they switch to the upbeat declaration that all this wonderful increased ease and brightness and getting things together was going to happen "right now."

Let's see about that.

The song was released, and started spreading its message of joyful hope and immediate change in April of 1970.

• April 10 - Paul McCartney announces the official break-up of The Beatles
• April 11 - Apollo 13 launches (and we all know how great that worked out)
• April 30 - U.S. troops invade Cambodia
• May 4 - 4 student anti-war protesters killed at Kent State University
• June 16 - Race riots erupt in Miami, Florida
• June 23 - Chubby "Let's Twist Again Like We Did Last Summer" Checker arrested for marijuana possession

So yeah...happy, happy, joy, joy...but wrong.

What's So Good About Good Friday?

 

Excuse me for temporarily laying aside the garment of guffahs and following in the footsteps of comic strip creator Johnny Hart by quickly explaining why today is called what today is called.

Not only am I following in his footsteps; I'm stealing his actual explanation:

Never mind that this comic strip is titled B.C. Thinking about that will turn your brain to mush.

Have a blessed Good Friday!

Rhyming Colors (Happy Birthday, Joel Grey!)

 

Tony-, Grammy-, and Oscar-winning actor and singer, Joel Grey, turns 93 today.

It gets me thinking about other famous people with colorful names...

Jack Black, who is white.
Barry White, black as night.
Betty White, who died on New Year's Eve.
Then there's Pink, the singer bold
Thank you for being a friend, Andrew Gold
We've lost James Brown, so let us grieve

Red Skelton, ancient comic clown
Red Buttons, never made us frown
Two Dees and Exes for Redd Foxx
Baseball player, Vida Blue
Al Green sang of loving you
And now I've rhymed myself into a box

Bummer in the City: The 393rd Greatest Song

 

It's interesting what a person will write a song about.

In the Lovin' Spoonful's Number One hit, "Summer in the City," John Sebastian complains about how hot a summer day can be in a big city:

• Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty
• Doesn't seem to be a shadow in the city
• Sidewalk hotter than a match head

But then the sun goes down and the fun begins:

• Go out and find a girl
• Cool cat looking for a kitty
• Gonna meet you on the rooftop

But hey, fantasizing about romantic encounters is better song material than actual big-city nightlife:

Sundown, city gettin' dark

Gangs overtakin' every inch of the park

Cool cat, beefin' up the kitty

Five Card Stud being played with no pity

Got robbed waitin' at the bus stop

Running up the stairs, tryin' to hide on the rooftop

Sinatra was right: If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.

Observed Absurdities™ 72 - Is This Gluten Free?

 

Beloved and I received a wedding invitation that has thrown us for a loop.

The earliness of the invitation in relation to the date of the event is fine.

The expected level of attire and decorum is well within the boundaries of reason.

However...

The menu options...oh my...

As a grandparent, I have been known to say "You're so sweet, I could just gobble you up," but I never expected to be taken seriously.

A Vegetarian's Lit Mom: Movie Title Anagrams

 

Twisting letters. Twisting plots.

• Twelve Angry Men = Warm Gent Evenly (A dozen chefs argue how best to cook a refined man.)
• Return of the King = Fuehrer Knotting (The final Lord of the Rings film is about Hitler's hobby during his final days.)
• Pulp Fiction = Clip Fop Unit (Drastic surgery on an effeminate man)
• The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly = A Tough Tho Lengthy Bad Deed (Yep, that covers it.)

This is what happens when you let AI create a graphic for "A Tough Tho Lengthy Bad Deed"

• Forrest Gump = Forgets Rump (And I thought MY memory was bad!)
• The Matrix = Max Tither (Neo gives more to his church than anyone else.)
• It's a Wonderful Life = A Definite Fowl Slur ("In the whole vast configuration of things, I'd say you were nothing but a scurvy little chicken!")
• Saving Private Ryan = Ivy Narrates Paving (A verbal creeping vine tells the tale of building a road.)
• Shawshank Redemption = A Sharpened Moth Winks (You only THOUGHT he dug his way out with a rock hammer.)
• The Godfather = The Hog Farted ("Leave the gun. Take the bacon.")

Falling in...Love?: The 394th Greatest Song

 

"Can't Help Falling in Love" was given to Elvis for his movie Blue Hawaii, but it was originally written for an unproduced film, White Minnesota.

Park guides say

It's too late to skate

But I can't help falling through ice in March

Shall I stay?

Will it seal your fate

If I can't help falling through ice in March?

When the water flows

Just beneath your feet

Darling, so it goes

Plunging cannot be beat

Take my hand

Save my life, don't be harsh

For I can't help falling through ice in March