Observed Absurdities™ 72 - Is This Gluten Free?

 

Beloved and I received a wedding invitation that has thrown us for a loop.

The earliness of the invitation in relation to the date of the event is fine.

The expected level of attire and decorum is well within the boundaries of reason.

However...

The menu options...oh my...

As a grandparent, I have been known to say "You're so sweet, I could just gobble you up," but I never expected to be taken seriously.

A Vegetarian's Lit Mom: Movie Title Anagrams

 

Twisting letters. Twisting plots.

• Twelve Angry Men = Warm Gent Evenly (A dozen chefs argue how best to cook a refined man.)
• Return of the King = Fuehrer Knotting (The final Lord of the Rings film is about Hitler's hobby during his final days.)
• Pulp Fiction = Clip Fop Unit (Drastic surgery on an effeminate man)
• The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly = A Tough Tho Lengthy Bad Deed (Yep, that covers it.)

This is what happens when you let AI create a graphic for "A Tough Tho Lengthy Bad Deed"

• Forrest Gump = Forgets Rump (And I thought MY memory was bad!)
• The Matrix = Max Tither (Neo gives more to his church than anyone else.)
• It's a Wonderful Life = A Definite Fowl Slur ("In the whole vast configuration of things, I'd say you were nothing but a scurvy little chicken!")
• Saving Private Ryan = Ivy Narrates Paving (A verbal creeping vine tells the tale of building a road.)
• Shawshank Redemption = A Sharpened Moth Winks (You only THOUGHT he dug his way out with a rock hammer.)
• The Godfather = The Hog Farted ("Leave the gun. Take the bacon.")

Falling in...Love?: The 394th Greatest Song

 

"Can't Help Falling in Love" was given to Elvis for his movie Blue Hawaii, but it was originally written for an unproduced film, White Minnesota.

Park guides say

It's too late to skate

But I can't help falling through ice in March

Shall I stay?

Will it seal your fate

If I can't help falling through ice in March?

When the water flows

Just beneath your feet

Darling, so it goes

Plunging cannot be beat

Take my hand

Save my life, don't be harsh

For I can't help falling through ice in March

Marriage Tip #237: Do Not Attempt to Even the Score

 

I had a laughable conversation with a friend.

He told me his wife has an...interesting...behavior pattern when they are relaxing on the couch watching a television show or movie.

Apparently, she feels it is necessary to point out to her husband whenever an actor she considers good-looking appears on the screen.

As in "That guy right there is good-looking. I'm just saying."

My friend wasn't sure what kind of societal catastrophe or black hole of ignorance was being avoided by her "just saying" this information.

I said I wasn't sure either, but I AM sure of something else: He would be wise to refrain from returning the favor. You know, just keep his opinions about the relative attractiveness of any given actress completely to himself.

Neither of us wanted to even think about how that exchange would go down.

Then my friend added this "ba-dum-tiss" final thought: "And the thing is. None of these so-called good-looking men look anything at all like me."