Not everything that manages to make its way past the watchful eyes of the Food and Drug Administration is necessarily safe or recommended for human consumption.
I know this, because of what I found on the shelves of a nearby convenience store.
There it was, innocently standing beside the REAL SUGAR version of Mountain Dew® and the nectar of the gods known as Dr Pepper & Cream Soda. To the untrained eye, it looked like just another soft drink, waiting to infuse you with caffeine and empty your wallet.
But wait a minute...
What's that say?
"Mtn Dew Fruit Quake: DEW® with a Blast of Artificial Fruitcake Flavor"
I'm pretty sure there aren't a lot of people who like REAL fruitcake, let alone any actual human beings who have been longing for some ARTIFICIAL fruitcake flavor in their Mountain Dew®.
"You know what would make this practically flavorless bottle of high-fructose corn syrup even more disgusting? The flavor of a bread-brick and dried fruit!"
Run.
Do not walk.
Away.
Far, far away.
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