Stage Kissing

 

I recently took a trip down memory lane...thinking about my long and varied history in both community and semi-professional theater.

At one time or another, I've been a pompous king, a groveling peasant, an evil surgeon, a fairy godmother, a French puppeteer, a clownish disciple, a stranded brother, a British pickpocket, a German etiquette instructor, a comical conman, an over-the-hill hillbilly, a fearful fiance, an overly-cheerful radio star, a Civil War amputee, a World War II general, the inventor of the handled grocery bag, a locust-hunting governor, a pioneer preacher, a soon-to-be-slaughtered pig, and even a singing and dancing dog.

Out of all those roles (and many others), there have been only two theatrical productions in which my character has kissed another performer:
       1. Johnathan Harker in Dracula
       2. Tony in The Boyfriend

Tony's kiss of Polly was a highly-stylized, poo-poo-peedoo farce that I had forgotten about until I started writing the previous paragraph. (Sorry, Vickie.)

It is the kiss in Dracula that prompted this post and practically put me off pecking permanently.

I was a freshman in high school. I was fairly shy around girls that I had any interest in. I was not a greatly experienced kisser by any means.

All of which is to say that I was nervous when it came time to rehearse The Kiss.

We said our lines. I started leaning in. I quickly licked my lips. The second our lips met, my co-star backed away, wiping her mouth and saying, "You don't have to slobber all over me!"

I honestly don't remember if I was given a chance to redeem myself or if we took the kiss out of the performances, but I'll never forget that moment of humiliation.

To this day, I'm amazed that I ever helped create four children.