Ridiculous R Words

 

A representation from Almost the Dictionary: The Almost the Truth™ Dictionary of What Words Ought to Actually Mean: A Lexicon for Parallel Thinkers.

Rabbat (n)  -  Any of several soft-furred, long-eared, rodentlike burrowing mammals that play baseball

Rabbet (n)  -  Any of several soft-furred, long-eared, rodentlike burrowing mammals with a gambling addiction

RABBI (acronym)  -  Righteous Anger Beats Bitter Innuendo

Rabbinical (adj)  -  Jewish advice that's worth five cents

Rabbit (n)  -  Any of several soft-furred, long-eared, rodentlike burrowing mammals with teeth marks

Rabbitty (n)  -  A very small soft-furred, long-eared, rodentlike burrowing mammal

Rabble (trademark)  -  A popular crossword board game with all the S tiles removed

Rabboni (n)  -  A very skinny soft-furred, long-eared, rodentlike burrowing mammal

Rabbot (n)  -  Any of several soft-furred, long-eared, rodentlike burrowing mammals built with gears and circuitry

Rabbutt (n)  -  The tail end of any of several soft-furred, long-eared, rodentlike burrowing mammals

My Former Life of Crime

When I was young, and my heart was an open book, our family's weekly trip to the grocery store was a semi-event. I mean, it involved making a list, checking it twice, loading ourselves into the car, and actually going into town for crying out loud!

We were all expected to be on our best behavior. And don't even THINK about any of us whining about wanting candy or cookies...it never happened.

Imagine my chagrin when the family was strolling down the aisles of Ivey's Cornucopia of Commerce in Fort Wayne, Indiana and I saw what I thought to be a grocery cart filled with several marked-down items as a display. I casually picked up a couple things to look at when the owner of the cart, which was definitely NOT a marketing device, walked up, cleared his throat, and maneuvered himself and his cart to the next produce display.

My oldest sister, DeeDee, saw the whole thing and immediately recognized it as the opportunity to turn the screw that it was.

DeeDee quickly stepped up beside me and whispered, "Ooooh, Dewey! You better hope we get done and get out of here before that guy calls security. I can't believe you were messing with his cart!"

For the rest of our time in the store, DeeDee would "protect" me by peeking around the corner before we went to the next aisle and having me walk closely behind her.

"Keep your head down! Don't let anybody see your face!"

A few days later, we were playing outside at our farmhouse home and had the rare experience of hearing a police siren wafting toward us from probably a couple miles away. Once again, DeeDee jumped on the opportunity:

"Oh no, Dewey! They're coming for you!"

I dropped whatever I was playing with, ran into the house, up the stairs, and hid under my bed.

#TrueStory

Having siblings who care about your wellbeing is such a blessing.

flesruoY tcepseR

 

The 462nd-greatest song of all time, according to Rolling Stone, is "Respect Yourself," recorded by The Staple Singers in 1971.

At first glance, you'd think this would be a positive, uplifting, encouraging message of truth, brotherhood, and the American way...but at SECOND glance...uhhhh.

The title implies the song is going to encourage the listener to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, and don't mess with Mister Inbetween, but just look at some of the lyrics:

If you don't give a heck 'bout the man with the Bible in his hand

Just get out the way and let the gentleman do his thing

You the kind of gentleman that want everything your way

Take the sheet off your face, boy, it's a brand new day

If you're walking 'round thinkin' that the world owes you something 'cause you're here

You goin' out the world backwards like you did when you first come here

Oh, you cuss around women and you don't even know their names

And you dumb enough to think that'll make you a big ol man

Respect yourself, respect yourself...

Translation: Respect yourself, you atheistic, narcissistic, foul-mouthed, breech-born, ignorant racist.

Peace and love, man. Peace and love.

Questionable Q Words

A squinch of Almost the Dictionary: The Almost the Truth™ Dictionary of What Words Ought to Actually Mean: A Lexicon for Parallel Thinkers.

Qaid (adj)  -  What actors Dennis and Randy would be without you

Qi (n)  -  The vital life force of many a Scrabble^® player

Quaalude (n)  -  The vital life force of many a harried parent

QUACK (acronym)  -  Quick, Use Alternate Communication Know-how!

Quacker (n)  -  A thin, quisp wayfuh, often queated to enjoy wiff cheese and uhthuh savuhwhee toppings

Quackiest (adj)  -  Having the most fissures

Quadrant (n)  -  The violent declaration of a golf foursome

Quadratical (v)  -  When an octopus uses half its arms to make someone laugh

Quadrilateral (n)  -  In football, a play when the ball is tossed sideways four times

Quadrisyllabic (irony)

Hoping to See These Headlines in 2021

 

With 2020 finally behind us, perhaps there's an inkling of a minute chance of possibly seeing one or two of these imagined headlines in print...

God Announces a Do-Over of the Past 12 Months (Notice...this does NOT mean a REPEAT of the past year!)

Yeah...that's it. Who could ask for anything more?