Podcast Say What???

One good thing about a hefty commute: being able to listen to some really good podcasts along the way.

However...

Listening to podcasts while your GPS app is helping you avoid traffic tie-ups can make for some...interesting...audio mash-ups:

     "Good gracious, Marshall Dillon! What are we gonna do?"
     "Well, Chester, at the light, make a slight right to merge onto State Route 10."

     James and John were asking for the best seats in the Kingdom, and Jesus said, "In one mile, continue onto Cedar Avenue."

The Existence of God Is No Cheap Trick: Song Number 465

Cheap Trick's recording of "Surrender" is listed as the 465th greatest song of all time by Rolling Stone, and I've only got three things to say about that:

     1.  I had never heard the song before, so I had to YouTube it to even begin to think about perhaps contemplating the creating of an idea about making a blog-post about it.

     2.  It's kind of a catchy little number that doesn't make me wretch, even though the singer talks about finding his mom and dad on the couch listening to his KISS records, getting high, and making out.

     3.  I'm overjoyed it wasn't "I Want You to Want Me."

Bonus source of joy: While doing research connected to statement number three, I found that "I Want You to Want Me" didn't make the list at all.

And some people say there is no God. Hmph!

Not Real N Words

A narrow nibble from Almost the Dictionary: The Almost the Truth™ Dictionary of What Words Ought to Actually Mean: A Lexicon for Parallel Thinkers.

Nabbed (clause)  -  "Quick! Grab that piece of sleep furniture!"

Nabbing (clause)  -  "Quick! Grab that dog-faced crooner!"

Nacho (interjection)  -  The sound of a Spanish sneeze

NAG (acronym)  -  Nasty Around-the-clock Griping

Nail (n)  -  Every issue in the life of a person who only has a hammer

Naive (n)  -  An intravenous bottle full of sodium

Name (adj)  -  Crippned or physicanny disabned, especianny in the foot or neg so as to nimp or wank with awkwardness

NAP (acronym)  -  Nice Afternoon Project

Naps (n)  -  A backwards bridge

Narcissist (n)  -  A cissist with a single horn protruding from its head

It Pays to Make Your Teacher Chuckle

There was a time in my life when I almost lost all interest in all things musical.

It's hard to believe now, seeing as how 87% of my personal memory bank consists of the melody and lyric of 70's singer-songwriters, 60's folk-rock groups, and the entire catalog of TV's greatest theme songs.

"What is it that almost turned you off of music?" you may ask.

Well...go ahead...ask.

"What is it that almost turned you off of music?!!?"

The answer is a single college class: Music Appreciation.

Oh yes, dear reader, I understand the definition of irony.

What I didn't understand at the time, though, was why I needed to memorize dates and terminology in order to demonstrate my appreciation of music.

I did experience one brief, shining moment of glory in the class, though.

Part of the final exam was a list of musical terms that we were expected to define. No multiple guesswork, either, babycakes; we were expected to put pen to paper and write down the definitions however our brains spewed them forth.

I did okay for a while.

pianissimo - softly
forte - hardly

But then, in an apparent attempt to keep things interesting, the prof included the word manicotti on the list.

Now...this was the mid-70s. I was a rural Midwestern college freshman. My knowledge of musical terms was abysmal and my familiarity with Italian food ended with spaghetti, pizza, and sausage...and come to think of it, I probably was only conversant in Polish sausage.

What I'm saying is that I had absolutely no idea what the word manicotti meant.

And so, I turned on my parallel thinking and punted. I picked up my pen and wrote "manicotti  -  What male members of the Italian army sleep on."

You may think that's the stupidest thing you've ever heard, but the professor gave me half a credit point for it!

#TrueStory

My Little Stowaway

Alright, flock, it is time for us to consider the 466th greatest song of all time. It was recorded by Del Shannon and featured a Musitron solo that has distinguished it from the mountainous pile of early-sixties rock-n-roll for 59 years.

As I walk along, I wonder

A-what went wrong with our love

A love that was so strong

And as I still walk on, I think of

The things we've done together

While our hearts were young

I'm a-walkin' in the rain

Tears are fallin' and I feel the pain

Wishin' you were here by me

To end this misery

I wonder

I wah-wah-wah-wah-wonder...

Sound familiar? (If not, you need to CLICK HERE and listen to "Runaway," the 1961 hit that spent a month at the top of the charts. You also need to confront your parents for their sub-standard expansion of your cultural horizons.)

The amazing and absolutely made-up thing about this song, though, is that it was a parody of an earlier song written and performed by a survivor of the sinking of the Titanic.

As I sail along, I wonder

A-what went wrong with his ticket

A ticket he won on shore

And now as this ship sinks, I think of

How it would stink to die here

Alone upon this door

I'm a-floating in the night

Fingers freezin' and I'm filled with fright

Wishin' you felt totally free

To place your hands on me

I wonder

I wah-wah-wah-wah wonder

Why

Why, why, why, why, why

He sank away

And I wonder

If he was gay

My little stowaway

My stow-stow-stow-stow stowaway