A miniature morsel from Almost the Dictionary: The Almost the Truth™ Dictionary of What Words Ought to Actually Mean: A Lexicon for Parallel Thinkers.
Macaroni (n) - Edible art medium
Macaw (n) - The call of a mother crow
Macchiato (n) - A hot beverage consisting of espresso, a small amount of foamed milk, and a large portion of pretension
MACE (acronym) - Make Anyone Cry Elixer
Machete (v) - To copy another's answers in the manner of your mother
Machine (n) - The fifth in a series of chins sported by a female parental unit
Machineguns (n) - The biceps of a robot or android
Mackinaw (clause) - Why Mack's chin is on the floor
MAD (acronym) - Moms Against Dads
Miasma (n) - A personal breathing difficulty
I seriously think most HR departments have so little to do, they spend most of their time creating issues so they can spend the rest of their time trying to solve them.
Consider this TrueTruth example from my very own personal RealLife experience...
One otherwise-normal day, I walked into the public restroom at my place of employment and saw a sign on the wall next to the touch-free paper towel dispensers.
Did I say "sign"? Please forgive me. It was an 8.5" x 11" sheet of paper upon which someone with computer access had printed:
PLEASE DISPENSE
A PAPER TOWEL
FOR THE NEXT PERSON
My cubicle-mates and I pondered over that a bit. Well, to be a bit more accurate, we discussed, "What the farnsworth is THAT all about?"
Because of previous experience, the long-term employee in our group suggested that someone close to the top of the corporate ladder must have determined we were taking too much time resting in the restroom. Of course, that didn't help the note make any more sense to any of us.
Did the top-o-the-foodchain think it would save us time to have the person in front of us wave their hand in front of the dispenser instead of us doing it ourselves? That ranks right up there with - and I'm pretty sure I've said this before - trying to make a blanket longer by cutting off one end so you can sew it onto the other end.
And then we started applying the same logic to other workplace time-wasters:
- Please pour a cup of coffee for the next person
- Please take the next person's personal phone call for them
- Please leave the breakroom refrigerator door open for the next person
- Please eat the next person's lunch
Ooh! That last one? I believe that's what John Lennon called InstantKarma.
I underSTAND that Guns N' Roses was the biggest rock band in the world for about five years in the late Eighties and early Nineties.
I GET it that both boys and girls would scream in delight at the mention of them coming to town on tour.
I can apPREciate that "Welcome to the Jungle" was their first huge hit.
What I DON'T comprehend is how they thought they could entice females to become part of their entourage with words like "If you got the money, honey, we got your disease," and "I wanna watch you bleed."
Ranks right up there with "You don't want to go to the prom with me, do you?"
From Almost the Dictionary: The Almost the Truth™ Dictionary of What Words Ought to Actually Mean: A Lexicon for Parallel Thinkers.
Labor (n) - An excuse for verbal abuse directed toward one’s husband
LACE (acronym) - Lingerie Attracting Considerable Examination
Lacerate (v) - To determine the relative public appropriateness of lingerie
Lackadaisical (adv) - Flowerlessly
Lackeys (n) - People who are unable to unlock doors
Lactose (adj) - Footless
Ladies (clause) - What happens when The Big One hits Los Angeles
Ladle (French) - Boythe
Lager (n) - A member of the generation younger than kagers and older than magers
Lagoon (n) - A stupid, foolish, or awkward roughneck from Southern California
