For the Follicly-Challenged

I was about to tell you the story of the genesis of what follows, but even the explanation of where it came from doesn't explain from whence it came. Suffice it to say that I must thank SamWise for the germ of the idea...and ask him to please wash his hands better from now on. If you're familiar with the music of the MopTops from LiverPool, you'll soon realize what tune should be going through your head with these words.

I'm a real no-hair man

Ain't got more than twenty strands

Barber, you should make no plans for me

Have no need for a comb

That's one thing I do not own

Fuller Brush Man, just go home, tee-hee

No-hair man, hair's missin'

We all know my head glistens

No-hair man, I'll never sing lead in a hard metal band

I'm as bald as I can be

On my head, skin's all I see

No-hair man, I'm dandruff-free, that's all

No-hair man, no graying

Do you hear what I'm saying?

Left it all for somebody else to grow what they can

I don't fret 'cause my hair's slim

No-hair man don't pay for trims

Don't you wish you were like him - like me

No-hair man, telling you all

I look like a cue ball

I can shave the top of my head with my bare hand

I'm a real no-hair man

Ain't got more than twenty strands

Barber, you should make no plans for me

Barber, you should make no plans for me

Barber, you should make no plans for me!