Friday, June 28, 2019

Grossest Films, Part Next-To-First


What would the list of the 100 top-grossing films of all time (adjusted for inflation) look like if Almost the Truth had done the final edits? Here's the second 25...

The Godfarter (1972)  -  An origin story on methane emissions.
Forrest Lump (1994)  -  A mentally-challenged man gets breast cancer.
Merry Pop-ins (1964)  -  Four separate storylines about happy, unplanned visits.
Crease (1978)  -  An homage to those carefree days of being a tailor in the 1950s.
Marvel's The Extenders (2012)  -  A group of superheroes finds a way to stretch a single idea into several full-length features.
Black Panter (2018)  -  An homage to those stress-filled days of being an African-American tailor in the 1950s.
Blunderball (1965)  -  A collection of James Bond bloopers: "Shaken, not slurred."
The Dark Night (2008)  -  Ninety minutes of extremely underexposed film.
The Jungle Hook (1967)  -  The highly-anticipated sequel to Peter Pan where Captain Hook and the crew move inland.
Weeping Beauty (1959)  -  Prince Charming is unfaithful to Aurora.
Avengers: Infinity and Beyond War (2018)  -  The crossover blockbuster where Marvel meets Pixar.



Post-rusters (1984)  -  The horror-comedy about former SNL stars trying to keep full-bladdered dogs away from metal posts.
Shuck 2 (2004)  -  The ever-popular green ogre returns; this time, he learns how to prepare ears of corn for boiling.
Butch Cassidy and the Undunce Kid (1969)  -  Professional tutoring in the Old West.
Glove Story (1970)  -  An old-money Harvard man woos and weds a no-money, dying music student who never lets him see her hands.
Spider-Han (2002)  -  Harrison Ford stars as a space cowboy who gets bitten by a radioactive arachnid.
Independence May (1996)  -  How the U.S. might be different if the Declaration of Independence had been signed two months earlier.
Comb Alone (1990)  -  The sad tale of a barber with no customers during the Christmas holiday.
Storm Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Weathercaster (2017)  -  Luke Skywalker predicts his final rain of terror.
P. N. O'cchio (1940)  -  An Irish puppet turns into a real boy.



Flee, oh Padre! (1963)  -  Elizabeth Taylor stars as a beautiful Egyptian priest running from snakes.
Beverly Hills Mop (1984)  -  Eddie Murphy goes from swabbing the floors of Detroit bars to a high-class mansion-cleaning service in California.
Inedibles 2 (2018)  -  The continuing story of superheroes that normal people just can't swallow.
Coldfinger (1964)  -  James Bond battles a villain who kills his victims by freezing.
Hairport (1970)  -  A wacky comedy set in the world's busiest beauty salon.

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