Friday, July 28, 2017

25 Randumb Things About Me

1. I love--and earnestly miss--Skyline Chili. 

2. I play guitar just well enough to make people want to drown it out by singing loudly. 

3. I have moved to a different place of residence 14 times. 

4. My first acting gig was in a third grade production of "Sleeping Beauty." I rode a broomstick horse around the gym and took a pin out of the princess' finger...kissing was too gross to contemplate. 

5. I no longer think kissing is gross. 

6. I am hopelessly devoted to my b.e.a.yootiful wife, who I call "Beloved." 

7. Lions are inspiring...the female makes the kill and the male gets to! 

8. I first fell in love with lions while reading "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe," where the lion, Aslan, ably represents Jesus. 

9. My around-the-house skills are abysmal. 

10. I dribbled salsa on my shirt AND pants at lunch today. 

11. It's pretty hard to embarrass me, and yet I blush easily whenever my manager second-guesses something I've done. Basic insecurity? 

12. Jesus is the rock and He rolls my blues away. 

13. I like the way I look with a shaved head, but Beloved isn't all that fond of it, so I only shave my head when needed for an acting gig. 

14. I've published a book, Almost the Truth About Youth Ministry: Salesmen, Secretaries, and Smart Alecks, and I shamelessly promote it when I can...hint, hint: or 

15. Sometimes I tear up when I think about how my four kids are so cool and always have a good time when they're together, which is far too seldom anymore. 

16. My dad's name is Clarence E. Roth, but the "E" doesn't stand for anything. 

17. I've been to Panama on mission trips three times, and Mexico twice. 

18. I like playing bongos and other hand percussion instruments during worship better than playing guitar and singing. 

19. My first paying gig as an actor was for the 1999 Dakota County Chautauqua, commemorating the 150th birthday of Dakota County, Minnesota. That was the first of 7 summers spent preparing and performing the DCC...and now this summer is the 6th year of the revival of said Dakota Chautauqua. (For more info, CLICK HERE.)

20. I laugh easily...too easily in some people's opinion, I'm sure...some people need to lighten up. 

21. My middle name is Alvin, which was almost going to be my dad's name. I wonder if he's really glad they named him Clarence instead? 

22. The invention of blue jeans is proof that God wants us to wear pants. 

23. Papa Murphy's all-meat pizza is the reason why pizza was delivered unto mankind. 

24. I started getting bald when I was still in college. 

25. I'm so desperate for material to post that I stole this list from a Facebook note I wrote eight years ago.

Friday, July 21, 2017

Observed Absurdities™ 30 - This Is Inspiring?

Faithful reader and frequent player of #TheMorningGames, T-Girl Notta HagOrMan, recently passed along a link to a kinda strange place on the WorldWideWackfest,

Go there, and you can generate seemingly random (but more often, randumb) "inspirational" sayings, coupled with know, like those sappy posters your American Lit teacher used to have hanging in her classroom.

Well...I went there...and the results were more absurd than profound...BEHOLD.

This would make more sense if the picture was of a boxer.

I may not be understanding this, but doesn't this fly in the face of John Lennon's "There's nothing you can do that can't be done; nothing you can sing that can't be sung"?

Only if you're ignoring a crowd of warriors.

That's rather pessimistic, don't you think?

NOW you're talking sense!

Uh...well...gotta admit you're correct there.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Dorothyize the Movies

You know how if you repeat a word often enough, it seems to lose its meaning and start sounding like just nonsense syllables?

Yeah, well, that happened to me when I was experiencing the alphabetized version of The Wizard of Oz that I told you about in last week's post. Dorothy's name became, in my ears, a laughable, nonsensical blurting of consonants and vowels.

So...consider what follows as my mind's twisted attempt to restore meaning to Dorothy's name by inserting it into popular movie titles and imagining what the plot would be.

  • Dorothy Gale and the Sorcerer's Stone  -  A Kansas farm girl finds out she wasn't being truthful when she said, "I'm not a witch at all."
  • Cool Hand Dorothy  -  In prison for killing two green-skinned sisters, Dorothy learns that "what he have here is...failure to properly douse a fire."
  • Indiana Dorothy and the Last Crusade  -  While searching for a way back to Kansas, Doctor Gale has to decide whether she truly believes there's no place like home.
  • The Dorothy Redemption  -  Our favorite heroine escapes the Wicked Witch of the West's castle by digging a tunnel and hiding it behind a poster of Clark Gable.

  • Dorothy Club  -  "The first rule of Dorothy Club is..."
  • It's a Wonderful Dorothy  -  A flying monkey shows Dorothy what Oz would be like if she had never dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East.
  • The Lion Dorothy  -  Uncle Henry kills Dorothy's father so he can take over the farm. Thinking she's guilty, Dorothy flees to Oz and dyes her eyes to match her gown. Hakuna Munchtata!
  • Star Wars: A New Dorothy  -  Miss Gale is swept into a galaxy-sized conflict between the technologically-superior Winkies and a rag-tag group of Munchkins.
  • Star Wars: The Farmer Strikes Back  -  Uncle Henry cuts off Dorothy's hand.
  • Star Wars: The Return of the Dorothy  -  Dorothy cuts off Uncle Henry's hand.
  • Dorothy Gump  -  Running and ping pong and AIDS, oh my!

Friday, July 7, 2017

Wizard of Ozzapalooza

There's a long-standing legend that Pink Floyd's album, Dark Side of the Moon, works as a soundtrack to the 1939 classic, The Wizard of Oz. I've always wanted to test the theory, but had neither the time nor the technical resources to make it happen...but someone identified as Cottage of the Crone, at, has gone to the trouble for me. With fair warning that some of the lyrics are PG-worthy, I'll leave it up to your judgement as to whether the reality is worthy of the legend.

But wait! There's more!

How about this grand experience of industrial-strength OCD by Matt Bucy: The whole movie in alphabetical order. I particularly recommend the "arf" section and all the Ws.

And that's not all!

If you've got four minutes to spare, treat yourself to this animated retelling of Frank L. Baum's tale, set to a remix beat.

And now, back to the insignificant things of life, like work and food and family...