Friday, October 4, 2013

A Drink from the Fount of Knowledge

A refreshing blast of actual actualities: 

  • In Maine, it is illegal to have outdoor Christmas decorations past January 14th.
  • China has more English-speaking residents than the United States.
  • UPS trucks get 15,000 parking tickets in New York City every month.
  • In New Jersey, it is illegal to wear a bulletproof vest while committing murder. [So…if I do wear one, is it proof that the murder was not pre-planned?]
  • The average mobile phone contains more bacteria than the average toilet seat. [Maybe we should start sitting on our phones…just to clean them up a bit.]
  • The filling in Oreo cookies was originally made of pork fat. [The perfect snack…Bacon Oreos!]

  • According to the British Journal of Cancer, eating pickles regularly can double your risk of developing esophageal cancer. [What if a person eats them irregularly…like…while standing on their head or in a bowl of stir-fry chicken?]
  • You are more likely to get attacked by a cow than a shark.
  • Farting can help reduce high blood pressure and is beneficial to your health. [Assuming you are the farter and not the fartee]
  • Sarcasm increases oxygen to the brain, which also keeps the brain from overheating. [Assuming you are the sarcaser and not the sarcasee…no wonder my brain is so cool]
  • The guy who voiced the Pillsbury Doughboy’s laugh was making the equivalent of over $300,000 a year just for that laugh. [This kind of ticked me off…then depressed me…then I started wondering what “the equivalent of” meant…was he paid off in crescent rolls?]

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