Friday, August 23, 2013

Almost the News XX

Man Found Fatally Shot On North Side
At least...it was his north side when they found him. He may have been facing the other way when he got shot.

Jay Cooke Bridge To Be Replaced By Fall
Why use a bridge when you can, instead, get to know the St. Louis River up close and personal? 



Emmer Says He'll Run For Congress
"They're too old and fat to run themselves...without a high risk for a heart attack."

Cleric Says Protests Against Morsi OK
Eygpt's top Muslim cleric declared, "The chants could have been more rhythmic, and the turnout was a little weak, but all-in-all, I'd give them 3 out of 4 stars."

Kurds Vow to Fight Rebels After Car Bomb
"As soon as we finish kicking this car bomb's patootie, we're going to open a can of Whole-Lotta-Hurt on those rebels."

Lost Civilization Scholars Re-Create 4,000-Year-Old-Brew
College professors of the Sumerian Tsuangzii tribe describe the ancient-styled beer: "Yes...it is just as flat and dusty as you would expect from a centuries-old bottle of Bud."

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