Friday, May 31, 2013

World Records Aren't All They're Cracked Up 2 B

It was in the Minneapolis Star Tribune, so it must be true:

Arboretum Tree-Huggers Embrace Record
Tree-huggers of all ages flocked to the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum in Chanhassen on Friday, and it appears their efforts at a Guinness World Record for the World's Largest Tree Hug paid off. The arboretum's Judy Hohmann said that 935 huggers participated in the event from noon to 1 p.m. in the shade tree exhibit.
The previous record was 702, set in Cheshire, England, in 2011. In order to be counted, each participant registered at the site and was required to hug a tree for a minute within the designated time frame.

First of all, don't people understand the term tree-hugger was not meant to be literal? It originally just meant someone who was particularly eco-friendly. When did it turn into an actual Public Display of Affection? [My best guess: about the same time gay stopped meaning carefree and happy.]

Second of all, I wonder if I'm the only one who found one of the pictures accompanying the short piece showed a woman actually kissing a tree with her arms passionately wrapped around its trunk. That's just taking a misunderstanding to a whole new level.

Third of all...and to tell the True Truth, third of three...since when is having the organizational skills necessary for registering a lot of one-minute tree-hugging idio--ahem--people worthy of garnering a World Record?

I can understand giving international recognition for most-miles-traveled-by-walking-on-hands or longest note sounded on a didgeridoo, but hugging trees? Or worse yet, and this is an actual-factual record, recognized by Guinness, Most Steps Walked Down By A Dog Facing Forwards Balancing A Glass Of Water. I mean, how many dogs are even in the running for that?!?

I've decided I'm going to create a world record of my own, and let the world shower me with the appropriate adoration, respect, and gift cards. I'm pretty sure I've already got this one locked up: Most Games of Electronic Solitaire Played by a Balding Former Hoosier While Sitting in a Workplace Restroom.

1 comment:

THE Disney Freak said...

Technically, I could go for Most Pencils Flipped Off the Back of a White Teen Girl's Hand and Caught in her Palm. I'm at 40 or so now. ;)