Almost the Truthlets, the First

At the alarming rate of "every so often", on the Almost the Truth^TM Publishing FaceBook page, which you can find by clicking here, I post small snippets of almost-truth as "status updates". To fill you in on what you may have been missing, and encourage you to go to the aforementioned Almost the Truth^TM Publishing FaceBook page and "Like" it, I herewith provide for you a compendium of said postings.

Please hold your applause until the end.

• 2 + 2 = 3.87
• Four score and six years ago...
• One brick shy of a Happy Meal
• Away out west they got a name for wind and rain and fire: the rain is Wet, the fire Glows, and they call the wind...um...Wind.
• A fool and his money...yeah, that about covers it for me...except for the money part.
• When the moon hits a guy, but he doesn't die...that's amazing.
• Oscar speech: I'd like to thank all the little people who mindlessly devour the drivel Hollywood produces.
• A bird in the hand is not such a great idea...
• Don't look a gift horse in the...never mind.
• Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your rebate in Menard's.
• What doesn't kill you makes you weaker and more vulnerable to the next attack.
• "I am," I said, to no one there. And no one heard at all—well, duh.
• Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes the reason is because you're stupid and make bad decisions.
• Hello, Kettle? This is Pot. You're black.
• Betcha can't imagine the following without at least grinning: Kangaroos on a trampoline.
• C'mon...you can do it! It's not rocket surgery.
• If you can't beat 'em, mercilessly make fun of 'em.
• Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me Mister Tibbs!
• The early bird gets the worm...not that that's much of an incentive to be early.
• If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will retire and live on a great pension.
• Who put the “bop” in the “I’m gonna bop you one”?