Paul's First Epistle to the Facebookians

PAUL, an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ, sent to share the Good Status Update to all who are friends and friends of friends up to the fifth generation.

LIKE to you and all your friends, family, co-workers, and relationships, be they complicated or not. How often I have wanted to Chat with you, but my lack of bandwidth wreaks havoc with that app. Whenever I try to use it, my Hidden Chronicles game slows to a crawl and I might as well be reading a newspaper.

My <3 overflows with joy when I see all your reposts from the Quotes That Inspire page. Your desire to spread wisdom, no matter how incongruously illustrated, is Way Cool and worthy of a multitude of Likes.

I do have this one matter of concern, my friends. It appears that an inordinate share of the personal photos you have posted involve a concerted effort to appear under-educated, over-intoxicated, and/or oblivious to common sense and general propriety. This is not a matter of salvation, but it is always advisable to refrain from any appearance of utter stupidity.

Many will say to Him on that day, "Lord, Lord, I Liked your fan page! I listed you as someone who inspires me...right next to Tom Hanks and Reba McEntire! I reposted all those anti-evolution articles!" And He will say to them, "Depart from me, you who download illegally, I never Friended you."

FINALLY, as far as it is up to you, Friend the downtrodden, Block the evil one, and offer your account settings up to God as a pleasing sacrifice.