Monday, November 28, 2011

Shopping CAN be fun!

'Twas the week before Black Friday, and Beloved and I were stalking around in a department store, looking for things we would only think about considering to contemplate buying if it was 75% off. On a good day, shopping is not on my top ten list of fun things to do, but add to that the dark cloud of We-Don't-Really-Have-Any-Money-To-Buy-Things, and my day was, if not totally shot to blazes, at least sweating profusely from the radiating heat.

The tension...for me, at least...was permanently dispelled as a result of the following scene:

A mid-sized circle of people was passing me, walking in the opposite direction. Well...most of the people were passing me. One young girl was barely keeping up with the group as she hobbled on one foot, trying not to touch the other to the floor, and expressing her frustration in a series of almost-crying whimpers.

A mom-like entity in the middle of the group, pushing a shopping cart, grumpily mumbled, "SOMEbody needs a nap."

With no hesitation and in a clear, purposeful tone, the hopping child declared, "I don't need a nap. You ran over my ankle!"

Am I a bad person for laughing?

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Almost the News XIV

Self-Defense Claimed in Baseball-Bat Killing
The defendant testified that "the bat had a knife and was coming at me! I had no choice!"


ADT Settles with Family of Woman Slain in Bed
The arbitration lawyer said it was an unusual location for a settlement to take place, "but, hey, whatever works."


Fiber One Bars Recalled For Nuts
Sane people, however, will still be allowed to purchase them.


Ventura's Suit Over Search Tossed
Two questions: 1) Why would a search motivate anyone to throw the former Minnesota governor's dapper duds?...and...2) When did Yoda start writing headlines?

Wildfire Destroys 72 Reno Homes
Michael Martin Murphy's hit song spent two weeks at the number three spot back in June of 1975, but last week, when played at an extreme volume, it literally brought the house down...several houses, actually.

Man Gets Four Days For Lewd Conduct
...but that's all. After four days, he has to stop.

Possible Gas Leak Prompts Evacuation
Just another Sunday afternoon at my dad's La-Z-Boy.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

MY FIRST TIME: Episode Three: How much is that urinal in the window?

Synopsis: Having overcome the hurdles of a decapitated hawk and a missed connection, Beloved and I finally arrived in Panama City, Panama, to begin our first short-term, cross-cultural mission experience.


This was my first experience using a passport and a visa to enter a different country. My level of anxiety as I shuffled through customs, carefully eyeing the well-armed soldiers as they carefully eyed me, was somewhere between that of a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs and a three-year-old boy needing desperately to go wee-wee.

Funny I should mention that, because the complimentary ginger ale on the flight had turned me into exactly that...except for the three-year-old part.

The good news is, there was a rest room conveniently located a few feet away. The bad news is, when I went through the first of two doors, there was a woman sitting there. I was about to turn around and double-check the sign on the baƱo to see if the little figure had a skirt, when a fellow traveler said, "It's alright; she's the attendant."

Being only partly convinced that it was "alright," I went through the second door and into the rest room proper. It was a fine and modern facility; fairly clean, I was told, because of The Attendant sitting between the two doors, whose job it was to keep it that way.

Whilst Taking Care of Business, my mind raced with questions: Is Senorita Attendant going to walk in and start cleaning while I'm in here? How much does one tip a person who keeps the paper towel dispenser full and the waste can empty? Would it be impolite to barter?

As I walked past her on the way out, I handed her what I thought was the equivalent of a dollar, but I must have miscalculated because she took one look at my tip, jumped out of her chair, kissed me full on the mouth, and went dancing and skipping down the hallway.

I heard on the news that night something about an upward spike in Panama's national economy...

Friday, November 11, 2011

Amazing Numbers!

Having just been subjected to the umpteenth breaking news story about today being 11/11/11 (GASP!), I feel it is my duty as part of the blogosphere to inform as many people as possible that tomorrow's date will be...11/12/11!

YES! IT'S TRUE!

And you better make note of it now, because this arrangement of numbers representing month/day/year won't happen again for ONE HUNDRED YEARS!

And...oh my goodness gracious me...Sunday will be 11/13/11...an arrangement of numbers representing month/day/year that won't happen again for ONE HUNDRED YEARS!

But in other news...wait! This just in! Monday will be 11/14/11...an arrangement of numbers representing month/day/year that won't happen again...ZZZzzz z z z z z z z z z......

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Link-a-palooza

Being on vacation, I just can't bring myself to sit down and compose the next chapter in my first cross-cultural mission experience or write about the latest mangling of the English language perpetrated by SweaterGal and FlatulenceKing (my parents, with whom Beloved and I are staying), so I'm being absolutely lazy and reproducing for the Almost the Truth fan base (all both of you) a list of interesting links that I keep updated on my FaceBook page...

MUSIC IN GENERAL

Adam Ben Ezra doing a suhweet solo upright bass cover of Come Together
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOkYMw5-ZMg

James Taylor's song, Fire and Rain, makes me feel kinda like the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter.
http://youtu.be/5_qLGl5uhSU

How unbelievably cool would it be for Paul Simon to invite you on stage to sing one of his songs?
http://youtu.be/AXBlY5CImUU

The Beatles in their first TV appearance: The Mersey Beat program in the UK, 1963...She Loves You
http://xoteria.com/CH54.html

Paul Revere & the Raiders perform Ups & Downs on the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour:
http://youtu.be/ioufyn6j3cU

Beatles & Jackson 5 doing Hey Jude and I'll Be There. This is what started my love for mashups.
http://soundcloud.com/mixessss23/the-beatles-jackson-five-vs?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=facebook&utm_content=http%3A%2F%2Fsoundcloud.com%2Fmixessss23%2Fthe-beatles-jackson-five-vs

Beatles & Jackson 5 together in a masterful mashup of In My Life and I Want You Back.
http://youtu.be/xQ_Ywk1g6PU

Come Together & I Love Rock and Roll mashup of the Beatles and Joan Jett.
http://youtu.be/MZBuYbKgvQI

CLASSIC (i.e., oldish) JESUS MUSIC

Rich Mullins singing his song, Creed
http://youtu.be/5Tpq4MoRVV4

Phil Keaggy & Randy Stonehill doing Sunday's Child and seeming a lot younger than they really are.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0NyIalFDjc&feature=player_profilepage\

Keith Green, singing Your Love Broke Through
http://youtu.be/h89-3_kIRDA

Larry Norman, the man who started it all: The Rock That Doesn't Roll
http://youtu.be/Y18yPO03zjo

GETCHA LAUGHING

Rowan Atkinson w/ Not the 9 O'clock News reciting a modernized Apostles' Creed, mostly standing firmish in their beliefs...kind of.
http://youtu.be/IUQcCvX2MKk

Jello Cubes Being Dropped - High-Speed Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n5AfHYST6E&feature=player_embedded

22 Examples of Refaced U.S. Currency
http://twentytwowords.com/2011/05/12/22-examples-of-defaced-u-s-currency-or-should-that-be-refaced/

Barney Fife "reciting" the preamble to the U.S. Constitution
http://youtu.be/oBuPQgV8yBM

Beatles 3000 is a great parody of historical research and the pompous talking heads who think they are experts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Z2vU8M6CYI&feature=player_embedded

Back to the Future's Biff riffs on questions he always gets asked
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwY5o2fsG7Y&feature=player_embedded

Ma & Pa Kettle do some fancy math
http://youtu.be/zDjzKzSWSM8

GETCHA THINKING

Single episode of "Truth for Life" podcast. My favorite Scottish preacher, Allistair Begg, with an inspiring illustration of worship.
http://www.truthforlife.org/broadcasts/2011/03/10/learning-how-to-worship-an-illustration-part-b/

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Back in the U.S.S. Earworm

Morning arrived, but I was already awake...with these unbidden songs wreaking havoc on my attempts to sleep Just Five More Minutes.

AUGUST
2 – Angels Unaware (Matthew Ward)
3 – Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (Beatles) Irritation: when the song first came out, the Beatles were all “No, this isn’t about LSD. John’s son, Sean, drew this crazy picture…” And then, years later, in a filmed interview for the “Beatles Anthology” TV miniseries, Paul just matter-of-factly, with no hint that he was rewriting history, said, “…and of course, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds was about drugs…”
12 – Maxwell’s Silver Hammer (John, Paul, George, and Ringo)
16 – Anna (Beatles…which is now getting a little silly, don’t you think?)
17 – While My Guitar Gently—oh for cryin’ out loud…
21 – I Knew You When (1965 hit by Billy Joe Royal, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SG1slUQTsUM&feature=player_embedded, but my poor unfortunate soul was hearing Donny & Marie Osmond’s version)
26 – Show Me the Way (Peter Frampton)

SEPTEMBER
1 – Saturday Night’s Alright for Fightin’ (Sir Elton John)
3 – Psalm of Hope (Debbie Roth, www.restinhimministry.com)
8 – Mama’s Pearl (Jackson 5)
15 – The Love of God (Rich Mullins)
19 – Feed the Birds (from Mary Poppins)
20 – Hard to Say I’m Sorry (Chicago, that toddlin’ town)
22 – Beautiful Things (Gungor) Just learned this song the evening before during worship rehearsal; must have learned it well, because now it is all I can hear!
23 – Marian the Librarian (from The Music Man)
27 – Treasure of You (Steven Curtis Chapman)

OCTOBER
3 – Sailing (Christopher Cross)
6 – Let’s Dance On (Monkees)
9 – Nashville Cats (Loving Spoonful) Strikes me that these could be flipped around in almost any order, and it would still sound right. (Loving Spoonful by Nashville Cats; Nashville Spoonful by Loving Cats; Spoonful Cats by Nashville Loving…)
10 – Dreamweaver (Gary Wright)
20 – Mother and Child Reunion (Paul Simon)
25 – All Night Long (Lionel Richie)
27 – All Night Long (Lionel Richie) And all DAY long, too!