Thursday, January 31, 2008

Email Questionnaires

If you've been around the World Wide Wackfest for more than a couple days, you've no doubt received in your email inbox one of those questionnaires that claims to be able to tell you something about yourself and promises horrible things will happen to your relatives' neighbors' paper carrier if you don't answer it and forward it to everyone in your address book.

I normally delete these wastes of electricity faster than Eddie Murphy can say "I do--no wait--I don't."

But I recently got practically identical lists of questions from two radically-different sources, and it made me sit up and take notice...and what I noticed was a wee bit irritating. Here are the questions and the wee bit of irritations:

1. Which is your favorite color: red, black, blue, green, or yellow?
Are these my only choices? In an age when college entrance forms have as many as 18 options for filling the blank labeled "Gender" (factual fact), you're telling me I have to pick one of only five colors?

2. Your first initial?
Don't the last two words of that sentence mean the same thing? Saying "first initial" is like Maria Von Trapp saying "let's start at the very beginning." If you mean the initial letter of my first name, then say so.

3. Which color do you like more, black or white?
Are these even colors? Having grown up watching television that was in shades of gray, I believe I know the difference between black & white and an actual, honest-to-goodness color. And what do you mean "which color do you like more?" Like? Like? Am I in 7th grade again? "Well, if she likes me, then I like her, but if she doesn't then I don't."

4. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
I'm pretty sure you mean "the same sex as you." Names don't really have gender. Or sex, for that matter.

5. Your favorite number?
And just what is it that a number (or numeral, for that matter) is capable of doing or not doing that would cause me to show it the least bit of favortism?

6. Do you like Cal ifornia or Florida more?
More than what?

7. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
Hmmm...A lake...THE ocean. This sounds like there's only one ocean to choose from. And my answer will differ depending on what specific bodies of water we're talking about. I think I would prefer to spend time in Lake Michigan than the Antarctic Ocean, but perhaps the South Pacific would win out over Lake Erie.

8. Write down a wish (a realistic one)
I wish no one would ever send me one of these pieces of flotsom ever again. was supposed to be realistic.

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