Friday, July 21, 2017

Observed Absurdities™ 30 - This Is Inspiring?

Faithful reader and frequent player of #TheMorningGames, T-Girl Notta HagOrMan, recently passed along a link to a kinda strange place on the WorldWideWackfest,

Go there, and you can generate seemingly random (but more often, randumb) "inspirational" sayings, coupled with know, like those sappy posters your American Lit teacher used to have hanging in her classroom.

Well...I went there...and the results were more absurd than profound...BEHOLD.

This would make more sense if the picture was of a boxer.

I may not be understanding this, but doesn't this fly in the face of John Lennon's "There's nothing you can do that can't be done; nothing you can sing that can't be sung"?

Only if you're ignoring a crowd of warriors.

That's rather pessimistic, don't you think?

NOW you're talking sense!

Uh...well...gotta admit you're correct there.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Dorothyize the Movies

You know how if you repeat a word often enough, it seems to lose its meaning and start sounding like just nonsense syllables?

Yeah, well, that happened to me when I was experiencing the alphabetized version of The Wizard of Oz that I told you about in last week's post. Dorothy's name became, in my ears, a laughable, nonsensical blurting of consonants and vowels.

So...consider what follows as my mind's twisted attempt to restore meaning to Dorothy's name by inserting it into popular movie titles and imagining what the plot would be.

  • Dorothy Gale and the Sorcerer's Stone  -  A Kansas farm girl finds out she wasn't being truthful when she said, "I'm not a witch at all."
  • Cool Hand Dorothy  -  In prison for killing two green-skinned sisters, Dorothy learns that "what he have here is...failure to properly douse a fire."
  • Indiana Dorothy and the Last Crusade  -  While searching for a way back to Kansas, Doctor Gale has to decide whether she truly believes there's no place like home.
  • The Dorothy Redemption  -  Our favorite heroine escapes the Wicked Witch of the West's castle by digging a tunnel and hiding it behind a poster of Clark Gable.

  • Dorothy Club  -  "The first rule of Dorothy Club is..."
  • It's a Wonderful Dorothy  -  A flying monkey shows Dorothy what Oz would be like if she had never dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East.
  • The Lion Dorothy  -  Uncle Henry kills Dorothy's father so he can take over the farm. Thinking she's guilty, Dorothy flees to Oz and dyes her eyes to match her gown. Hakuna Munchtata!
  • Star Wars: A New Dorothy  -  Miss Gale is swept into a galaxy-sized conflict between the technologically-superior Winkies and a rag-tag group of Munchkins.
  • Star Wars: The Farmer Strikes Back  -  Uncle Henry cuts off Dorothy's hand.
  • Star Wars: The Return of the Dorothy  -  Dorothy cuts off Uncle Henry's hand.
  • Dorothy Gump  -  Running and ping pong and AIDS, oh my!

Friday, July 7, 2017

Wizard of Ozzapalooza

There's a long-standing legend that Pink Floyd's album, Dark Side of the Moon, works as a soundtrack to the 1939 classic, The Wizard of Oz. I've always wanted to test the theory, but had neither the time nor the technical resources to make it happen...but someone identified as Cottage of the Crone, at, has gone to the trouble for me. With fair warning that some of the lyrics are PG-worthy, I'll leave it up to your judgement as to whether the reality is worthy of the legend.

But wait! There's more!

How about this grand experience of industrial-strength OCD by Matt Bucy: The whole movie in alphabetical order. I particularly recommend the "arf" section and all the Ws.

And that's not all!

If you've got four minutes to spare, treat yourself to this animated retelling of Frank L. Baum's tale, set to a remix beat.

And now, back to the insignificant things of life, like work and food and family... 

Friday, June 30, 2017

Observed Absurdities™ 29 - At What Level of Parking Are You Proficient?

Many thanks to faithful reader, MarkMyWords Surewould, for capturing this image and realizing it would raise an important question...

So...what you're saying is...simple parking is not allowed?

Friday, June 23, 2017

My iPhone Made Me Say This

You know how when you're typing a text or a tweet or whatever and your phone will give you two or three suggestions as to what it thinks you are attempting to type?

Yeah, well, I started taking my phone's suggestions and ended up with a series of seriously unserious tweets.


  • The best way for a great game to start is at your house.
  • The only way I could find my favorite song is to be a little kid or a complete idiot.
  • The best way for a great app to keep your business info from Facebook is to be able to email you with your own info.
  • I'm pretty sure my mom is the only person who can make me feel better.
  • I'm not surprised to hear that the new version of Facebook has a better way to get a new iPhone.
  • The best thing about this is how much more time I can make for my life.
  • The only way I could be with my family and my favorite thing is when we are all together.
  • I'm sure that you are not surprised at all the times I am not surprised.
  • I'm pretty much just a guy who can make a difference.
  • The best thing about being home alone was the fact that I was able to find the right time to read.
  • I think there's no point to this.
[Note: If you aren't yet following me on Twitter, now's the time to get it together with @deweyroth.]

Friday, June 16, 2017

A Question For The Ages

I've been keeping a journal, with off-again/on-again irregularity, for what is commonly referred to as A Long Time.

Generally speaking, my journals are full of milestones of my personal history, musings on then-current controversies, conflicts, or convolutions, and memos of my hopes and dreams.

Not surprising, then, is the following note from Sunday, January 5, 1992, as I was preparing to leave for a week at the National Youth Leaders Convention: "I'm really looking forward to the week with Rick et al. We will laugh, and hear some things to get excited about, and disagree with, and grow from, and be challenged by. Lord, I'm willing to hear anything you want to tell me."

Obviously, my expectations were high. I was going to experience the week with a group of guys that I had a glorious history with...the kind of friends where time elapsed between face-to-face fellowship has no effect. God had bonded us with a strong sense of love and respect.

And then, on Monday, January 6, 1992, I haul off and write THIS:

"Nine hour trip from Indy to Joplin, MO with Rick S, Mike D, Troy M, Todd W, Nate P, Dan H, etc. Why is farting so funny?"

Precious memories.

Friday, June 9, 2017

38 Years Later

June 9, 1979...People were packed to the rafters. (#TrueTruth: The small-town church building we got married in had a two- or three-row balcony along two sides of the sanctuary which was full, along with the stairs leading up to it.)

The day was HOT, the building had no air conditioning, and the windows were wide open - begging for some sort of breeze to find its way inside.

It was an uncomfortable day for a wedding, but it was apparently a perfect day to ride a motorcycle.

Around the block the church was on.

Over and over.

The audio of the wedding sounds something like this:

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the BRAAAAAP VROOM-VROOoom! not to be entered into lightly. Marriage has been ordained by God as the brrrrAAAAAP VROOM SPUT! SPUT! this woman to be married to this man?

I'm thinking...if I ever wanted out, there's no real proof that the vows ever got vowed.

(Never gonna happen, Beloved. Happy 38th Anniversary!)