You see, doctor, I've been thinking about my true identity for years now. People say, "Be yourself! Be yourself!" but who IS that? I mean...really.
"Well, the 'About Me' section of your blogger profile says that you're a former pizza-maker, McDonald's crewmember, disc jockey, actor, Tupperware dealer, box office manager, youth minister, substitute teacher, proofreader, and technical writer."
But that's really just a list of things I've DONE. That's not who I really AM.
So anyway, I decided to approach the fountain of all knowledge.
Whatever. So I did a search on my name, but then I REALLY got confused!
Well, according to the Social Security Administration, I'm not even ALIVE! And not only that, I was born in the 19th Century! So there's no NEED for me to wonder about who I am, because I'm not even here right now. Here! Look at this!
"You realize I'm still going to charge you for this session, right?"