Black Friday Blues

This may come as a shock
But back at Plymouth Rock
The Pilgrims never strolled through shopping malls
Instead of a season of giving
They scratched out a meager living
And spent their evenings cleaning oxen stalls
In praise of them paying their dues
To bargain shop, I refuse
I'll just sing the bleak, Black Friday Blues

Instead of brotherly love
Today, folks scream and shove
Because they want that "Buy One, Get One Free"
They camp all night at the store
To grab what they're lusting for
And to claim their Right to everything they can see
Yeah, they argue and kick and bruise
But not me; no, I'd rather choose
To sing the low-down, nasty, bleak Black Friday Blues

I know some folks long for the thrill
To stalk and pounce and kill
But not me; this guy will never know why
People don't stay home and chill

All the way from Key West to Nome
Folks gather at home, sweet home
Thankful for their food, family, and friends
And then, with blinding speed
Motivated by covetous greed
The sales begin and all thought of thankfulness ends
Well, by now you know my views
So this shouldn't be breaking news
I'll just sing the bleak, Black Friday Blues

I'll sing the low-down...
Nitty gritty, stuck in the city
Used to be funny, but now it's not pretty
The low-down
Nasty
Bleak Black Friday Blues

Name a Song That...Vol. III

Still working my way down a list of prompts and remembering my disc jockey days with fondness.

A song that played at your wedding

https://youtu.be/7bWtAP6yb2I

A song you would sing a duet with on karaoke

https://youtu.be/tbU3zdAgiX8

A song from the year you were born

https://youtu.be/BDRWOL-_P84

A song that makes you think about life

https://youtu.be/ZOWZGm61HpM

A favorite song with a person's name in the title (Note: Changed this to "Debbie" and sang it to Beloved in our wedding)

https://youtu.be/2KBDTJ6WYQc

My Favorite Mission Trip Story

When leading a group of teenagers on a trip to a country that's well-known for its fertility gods, there are certain preparatory instructions one must relate:

• Talking about cross-cultural sensitivity
• Reminding the teens that respect for another country's culture doesn't necessarily mean we agree with it or think it's right
• Begging them not to giggle and point and make a scene

As prepared as we could be, we four adults and however many teenagers flew to Montego Bay, Jamaica, schlepped our luggage through customs, piled into a small transit bus/van/tin can, and drove several hours through the Dry Harbour Mountains to Kingston.

The mood was light. We were filled with anticipation for what God had in store for us. Many animated conversations were overlapping throughout the vehicle.

While slowly making our way on the narrow, winding, mountain "road", we passed by a trailside stand that, instead of selling papaya nectar and coconuts carved to look like monkey-heads, was selling several versions of the local male fertility god, all with very prominent ...um...organs of gender.

To give our teens the credit due them, nobody went crazy or laughed or screamed. In fact, quite the opposite happened. They stopped their conversations and did their best to be mature and discreet.

The thing is...one of the adult leaders, who is short and blond and looks so much like Beloved that she is called BelovedBookend, wasn't looking out the window at the time. She was engrossed in her conversation with her seatmate, and just as the rest of the van fell silent, she loudly effused, "Cool!"

THAT'S when the vehicle windows were blown out by the force of our laughter.

Name a Song That...Vol. II

Spinnin' all the platters that matter from my mighty stacks of wax. Time to get down with the big sound. These are the grooves that move, baybay!

A song to drive to

https://youtu.be/4BNwA4WfXHQ

A song that makes you happy

https://youtu.be/iPUmE-tne5U

A song that makes you sad

https://youtu.be/omXU8-_8fSo

A song you never get tired of

https://youtu.be/ftAxROYEY3U

One of your favorite 80's songs

https://youtu.be/wFWDGTVYqE8

Observed Absurdities™ 34 - Sneaky Bacon

I was sent on a grocery run by Beloved and was a bit befuddled when I tried to decide which bag of bacon bits to buy.

I can understand the brand wanting to charge the same price for 0.2 fewer ounces of product...but to have them both on the shelf at the same time??? 

Marketing Manager: You know...our customers aren't very bright. They probably won't even notice.

Somehow, it reminds me of Professor Marvel crying out, "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!"

Name a Song That...Vol. I

Three things have led to this particular post:

     1.  I ran into a list of prompts calling for songs that meet different criteria.
     2.  I was a little short on ideas for what to post this week.
     3.  I used to be a disc jockey (the radio kind, not the dance club variety) and this seemed like a way to relive the glory days of working at a little, independent, local radio station in Decatur, Indiana, and being able to pick out whatever I wanted to play and actually putting a record on a turntable and placing a needle in the groove with a satisfying ka-chunk...instead of the flavorless life lived by today's cookie-cutter promo-readers who push a computerized button to spew out whatever dreck the Corporate Suits have engineered to force down the public's collective gullet.

Did I say that out loud?

A song with a color in the title

https://youtu.be/_qqvdOwoN-Y

A song with a number in the title

https://youtu.be/HNjEPHvDxZQ

A song that reminds you of summertime

https://youtu.be/KcrbDYe4qL4

A song that needs to be played LOUD

https://youtu.be/Zc_JcGuH5Z8

A song that makes you want to dance (FAIR WARNING: Rated PG)

https://youtu.be/M1F0lBnsnkE

#ProsperityHymns

How would some of our well-known hymns be different if they were written by proponents of what is commonly referred to as the prosperity gospel? ("Name it and claim it." "Jesus wants you to be wealthy." "Riches are a sign of God's favor.")

Here's my take on that theme.

A Mighty Fortune
A mighty fortune giv'n by God; a bankroll never eh-eh-ending.

Be Thou My Nest Egg
Be Thou my nest egg, Lord, increase my worth. Bless my retirement like none else on Earth.

Tis So Sweet To Collect From Jesus
'Tis so sweet to collect from Jesus; just to get all that I want.

Just As I Name It
Just as I name it, I shall receive. All I need do is just believe.

I've Got a Mansion Just Under My Tax Shelter
I've got a mansion just under my tax shelter, in a gated community where I am secure.

The Gold Burnished Cross
I will cling to the gold, burnished cross and admire myself in its gloss.


I Come To The Cashier Alone
I come to the cashier alone, while my gift card's balance is soaring
And the things I buy reach up to the sky
And put a strain on the flo-o-ring

And...
he...
rings me up
And he bags my stuff
And he tells me how much to pay
And he smiles so hard as he swipes my card...

And tells me...
To have a...
Great day