If you've been wandering around the World Wide Wackfest for any length of time, you have no doubt come across clickbait articles like "20 Things Producers Tried to Hide About How I Met Your Mother" or "83 Life Hacks to Make the World a Better Place". They usually are great dispensers of disappointment and seem to be written by poorly-trained lemurs with very shakey grammar skills.
And it's not the actual "20 Things" or "83 Life Hacks" that I take issue with. What tends to tie my stomach in a knot are the couple sentences elaborating on those main statements.
Let me give some examples from an ad-distribution vehicle I recently read. The article was titled, "Pilots Answer 45 Questions All Airplane Passengers Have."
Right off the bat, you know I can't let that title have a free pass. ALL airline passengers ask these 45 questions? I've been an airline passenger several times and have never asked any of them...out loud. I may have wondered about, maybe, 6 of the 45, but never in a million years would I ever actually ask them. (Which may be why I clicked on the article to begin with?)
Well anyway, like I said, the questions themselves aren't so offbase, but some of the accompanying explanations...sheesh.
Which Citizenship Will a Baby Born on Board Claim?
This can be quite tricky, but there are options to consider. The first option is; the baby claims the citizenship of the country where the plane landed. Another is the country over which the baby is born.
Then of course there are the two obvious answers: 1) How about the citizenship of the parents, and 2) Since when do babies claim anything about themselves?
Does the Toilet Content Drop into Oceans?
Many believe that because a plane has to be light in weight, the toilet waste can't and won't be stored. So, some assume that all the waste generated by passengers will be disposed into the clouds to avoid excessive weight.
What does weight have to do with this? I'm pretty sure that whatever is being put into an airplane's toilet is already on the airplane. Do people think when they go to the restroom they are magically creating mass that wasn't already inside their bodies?
Can Pilots Have Beards, Mustache, and Facial Piercings?
Can you imagine a passenger reaching up, pushing the flight attendant call button, anxiously waving the attendant over, and asking this question?
How Long Does Oxygen Mask Last?
Oxygen mask in the plane is worn by pilots at all times. There isn't a need for passengers to wear one because the oxygen level in the plane is artificially balanced to allow good breathing. Should the cabin become depressurized at a high altitude, the need to use the masks will be become necessary to avoid losing consciousness. These oxygen masks can last for 10 to 15 minutes. During this period, the pilot would have reduced the altitude of the plane for proper breathing.
First of all, this question and its answer are prime examples of why I talked about poorly-trained lemurs earlier. Second of all, I'm pretty sure those plastic oxygen masks will be taking up space in landfills long after the human race is extinct. Third of all, I need to check with a pilot friend of mine about the pilots wearing masks all the time. Do you mean to tell me the cockpit isn't at the same level of oxygen and air pressure as the rest of the plane? Then why doesn't something drastic happen when the co-pilot leaves the cockpit to go to the baggage compartment for a smoke?
Do Pilots Sleep Inside the Cockpit?
Well, it's more of a nap than sleep. According to statistics, more than half of pilots have fallen asleep by mistake while flying a plane. The beauty of modern airplanes is that they can fly automatically.
Well, I just looked it up and the definition of napping is "sleeping". Also, I'm pretty sure the beauty of modern airplanes is that I will never fly on them again after reading this.
