Oh No No No No: The 395th Greatest Song

 

Writer/Producer Shadow Morton claims to have written "Remember (Walkin' in the Sand)" in 20 minutes on the way to the studio.

I believe him.

Seems like the other day

My baby went away

He went away 'cross the sea

It's been two years or so

Since I saw my baby go

And then this letter came for me

It said that we were through

He found somebody new

Oh, let me think, let me think, what can I do?

Oh no, oh no, oh no no no no no 

A few things about this:

       1.  The simple rhymes and barely-moving melody line not only make me believe he wrote it in 20 minutes, but it also makes me wonder why it took that long.

       2.  AND...why does Rolling Stone consider it the 395th Greatest Song of All Time?

       3.  Let me get this straight. The boyfriend moved across the ocean and TWO YEARS LATER sends a "Dear Jane" letter?

       4.  AND...after all that time, the jilted girlfriend is distraught and bewildered? Like she didn't see it coming?

P.S.  The one thing that probably made Shadow Morton proud to have the writing credit for this dreck is how many times the "Oh no no no no" line has been used in commercials. ♫♪ Baby, you're a rich man ♪♫

A Valentine Poem

 

Your Eyes

Your eyes reached out and grabbed my heart

The first time that we met

I was sure they were as big

As any eyes could get

They spoke to me of trust and joy

And places they had seen

They bragged of mysteries they'd solved

With intellect so keen

They filled me in on days gone by

On dangers beaten down

They told tall tales of past defeats

And times you'd won the crown

They whispered both of hunger

And of overflowing cup

They jabbered on so ceaselessly

I wished they'd just shut up.

Police Report Creates Questions

 

'Tis a sorrowful thing to realize that local newspapers are dying off at an alarming rate. Where else could a person read a gem of a police report like I saw recently?

Officers took a suspicious activity call at 17XXX Gerdine Path. The homeowners reported an unknown male walking underneath their deck, attempting to take down their security camera. The male was wearing a face covering and a black robe. He left after unsuccessfully removing the camera. No suspect information at this time.

 

I have a few questions:

• What was suspicious about the activity call?
• If there is no suspect information, how do you know they were male? Or wearing a face covering and a black robe?

And the thing I'm most curious about...

How does one unsuccessfully remove a camera?

I can understand how someone could be unsuccessful in an attempt to remove a camera, but that's not what the police report says!