The Fattest Hits of the 1980s

 

Disco died and the world celebrated by eating.

A lot.

Serve That to Me One More Time  -  The Captain & Tenille ask for seconds.

Crazy Little Thing Called Lasagna  -  "This thing...called lasagna...I just...can't get enough of it"

Biggest Part of Me  -  By Ambrosia (Some jokes write themselves.)

Still Rocky Road to Me  -  "What's the matter with the spoon I'm usin'? Can't you tell that it holds a lot?"

Heart Attack Tonight  -  The Eagles make a medical prediction.

Harden My Heart  -  By Quarterflash (Some jokes write themselves)

Always On My Plate  -  "Maybe I shouldn't eat this...quite as often as I do"

We've Got to Eat  -  The Go-Gos' anti-anorexia anthem

Maneater  -  By Hauling Oats (Some jokes...)

Girls Just Wanna Have Fries  -  Cyndi Lauper at her highest calorie count

Addicted to Lunch  -  Robert Palmer might as well face it.

Hungry Eyes  -  By Eric Carmel (Some...yeah, yeah, yeah)

Stuph That Has No Reason Being in My Head, Vol. II

“Got to Get You Into My Life” was written by Paul McCartney to express his new-found exuberance for marijuana.

In the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, when an inebriated Uncle Billy staggers off camera after a short conversation with George Bailey, he apparently stumbles over some garbage cans. That noisy crash was an accident and his words, “I’m alright! I'm allllright!" were improvised.

Gary Burghoff, in the role of Radar, is the only actor/role combo that appeared in both the movie and the television series versions of M*A*S*H.

E.T. was lured back to Eliot’s house with Reese’s Pieces because M & Ms didn’t want to pay a product placement fee to a weird sci-fi movie.

Bea Benaderet was the owner-operator of the Shady Rest Hotel in Petticoat Junction AND the voice of Betty Rubble in The Flintstones.

♫♪ When you find yourself in danger, when you're threatened by a stranger, when it looks like you will take a lickin' (buk buk buk buk), there is someone waiting who will hurry up and rescue you. Just call up for Superchicken! Fred, if you're afraid you'll have to overlook it. Besides, you knew the job was dangerous when you took it. (Bukack!) He will drink his super sauce and throw the bad guys for a loss and he will bring them in alive and kickin'. (buk buk buk buk) There is one thing you should learn: when there is no one else to turn to, call up for Superchicken. (buk buk buk buk) Call up for Superchicken! (Bukack!) ♪♫

Throw It on the Wall and See If It Sticks: The 424th Greatest Song of All Time

 

Songwriting is a strange and mysterious thing. Some composers are all about the melody. Others concentrate first on the words and the message they want to communicate. Some spend hours painstakingly merging music and lyric into a perfectly complementary synthesis of thought and feeling.

And then there's Mick Jagger. Here's his story on how "Tumbling Dice" came into existence:

"It started out with a great riff from Keith. Later, I got the title in my head, 'call me the tumbling dice,' so I had the theme for it. I didn't know anything about dice playing but I knew lots of jargon used by dice players. I'd heard gamblers in casinos shouting it out. I asked my housekeeper if she played dice. She did and she told me these terms. That was the inspiration."

I'm not sure "inspiration" is the correct term to use. Maybe "closest thing available" is more accurate.

And he doesn't seem to be all that excited about developing the so-called theme. For the whole second half of the song, he apparently gave up on throwing in more dice-playing terminology and just repeated the title.

Over and over.

I mean, why bother with originality when you can lengthen the song by simply repeating the same thought with the same words?

It's like he totally ran out of ideas so he just kept saying the same thing...even using the same words.

He seems to have absolutely bailed on having the song comment more fully on contemporary relationships and chose instead to just yada-yada-yada his way into a slow fade.

What a hack.

Seriously.

I mean, as if...

Saving Time With Acronyms

 

You've noticed how people tend to use acronyms to shorten the amount of time it takes to say something or refer to something, right?

For instance, instead of telling someone that you'll be right back, you say BRB.

But wait a minute..."be right back" and "BRB" have the same number of syllables. It doesn't really reduce a person's verbal effort to say one instead of the other.

Oh well, that's just the exception that proves the rule.

There's the ubiquitous "LOL", saving us from the laborious task of actually pronouncing "laugh out loud"...which...has...the same number of syllables.

Let's steer away from these texting-related examples and get into the real world. People in high-stress jobs, like firefighters and librarians, use acronyms as shortcuts all the time.

I mean, when Beloved and I were binge-watching E.R., how many times did we hear a paramedic describe the gunshot wound of the person they were bringing in as a "GSW"?

GSW...five syllables.

Gunshot wound...three syllables.

Oh for cryin' out loud.