The Amazing Invisible Sign, or, What IS It With People?!?

 

You may or may not remember, but in the not-so-distant past, the world was in turmoil because of a beautiful little virus called Covid-19. School doors were locked, companies miraculously started trusting their employees to accomplish tasks at home, and introverts actually started feeling comfortable.

One weapon in the war against infecting each other was being more meticulous about the traffic patterns in retail outlets.

In the case of the gas station/convenience store/tobacco emporium I call home, FastStop, and in the case of the particular location that lays claim to my Monday nights and Saturday mornings, the formation of a line of people waiting to get their selections rung up and paid for was narrowed to a particular aisle of the store by erecting a prominent sign to block the wrong path and encourage people to take the correct path.

The presence of a single line instead of separate lines in front of each register proved to be such a good idea, the store decided to keep that arrangement even after Covidmania died down.

However...

The sign that was designed to create that single line was apparently purchased from a magician's warehouse, because it possesses the unexplainable ability to only be visible to employees of the store. A full 90% of customers...excuse me, guests...either stand beside the sign waiting for an open register or walk right past it so they can collide with folks trying to leave the store with a bag full of eggs, motor oil, and CornNuts.

Truth in Advertising: The 425th Greatest Song of All Time

 

A little background info might be helpful to understand how we've gotten to this point.

For the "500 Greatest Songs..." series of posts here at Almost the Truth, I've been using the Rolling Stone magazine list as published at web.archive.org. They've got the list of titles and if you click on one of them, it takes you to a separate page with about two paragraphs of information about that song.

Usually.

Two things about today's musical wonderment:

     1)  "William, It Was Really Nothing" by The Smiths, is not, by any stretch of the imagination, a great song. The vocalist is dull, the melody is tepid, and the lyrics are rude to William! I quote: "William, it was really nothing. It was your life." Wow...quite the eulogy. "Your life was meaningless, Bill!"

     2)  The descriptive info page seems to say it all:

No joke, Jack.

If the Monkees Were Crime Fighters

 

Admittedly, it doesn't take much for my mind to go flying off on a tangent.

Case in point, this picture and the notion that Mike, Mickey, Davey, and Peter decided to write songs about their cooperative relationship with Batman and Commissioner Gordon.

Hey Hey You're Arrested: Here we come, patrollin' on your street. We get full confessions from everyone we meet.

Last Train to Sing Sing: Take the last train to Sing Sing, you'll be serving ten to twenty.

I'm a Detective: I thought crime was only done in alleyways. Then, to someone else but not to me.

(I'm Not Your) Alibi: You tried to say you spent the night inside my house. But everybody knows that you are not my spouse. I won't speak up for you; I'm quiet as a mouse. The jury's findin' out your just a lying louse!

Crime Scene Believer: You once thought of me as a doughnut-eating geek; now you know how clever I can be. Cause I find prints in thin air and some DNA to spare. How many clues do we really need?

Pleasant Precinct Sunday: The local rock group gets hauled in for making music that's too loud. And Mr. Green, he makes the scene to get a permit for the crowd.

Observed Absurdities™ 60 - This Is a Public Service Announcement

 

Not everything that manages to make its way past the watchful eyes of the Food and Drug Administration is necessarily safe or recommended for human consumption.

I know this, because of what I found on the shelves of a nearby convenience store.

There it was, innocently standing beside the REAL SUGAR version of Mountain Dew^® and the nectar of the gods known as Dr Pepper & Cream Soda. To the untrained eye, it looked like just another soft drink, waiting to infuse you with caffeine and empty your wallet.

But wait a minute...

What's that say?

"Mtn Dew Fruit Quake: DEW^® with a Blast of Artificial Fruitcake Flavor" 

I'm pretty sure there aren't a lot of people who like REAL fruitcake, let alone any actual human beings who have been longing for some ARTIFICIAL fruitcake flavor in their Mountain Dew^®.

"You know what would make this practically flavorless bottle of high-fructose corn syrup even more disgusting? The flavor of a bread-brick and dried fruit!"

Run.

Do not walk.

Away.

Far, far away.